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Original poster

Holiday bloody nightmare

224 replies

Aminuts23 · 14/09/2017 11:25

I'm currently away with DP of 11 months. First holiday together. Last night he got absolutely wrecked and tells me he doesn't want to live together etc (absolutely fine by me, I don't want that and he knows it). However he also said when me met he thought I was a genuinely decent person who he could see himself shagging for a few months. He's horrified today and says he never thought that but I hate it. I now feel stuck here with him. He's feeling awful. I'm feeling awful. How would you feel about this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 00:57

Thanks. He is a gutless wonder. What an absolute arse. I'm doing very well not to message him this fact tonight but my dignity is already in tatters so I shall resist

OP posts:
lollipop7 · 18/09/2017 00:59

Whatever you do, don't contact him.
This is what he wants.

Just leave the fucker to it.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 01:00

He has totally re-written things. I'm an intelligent 42 year old woman. I tend to think if I'd been binned off 2-3 weeks ago I'd know about it. What a cock. The sad thing is this has taken me completely by surprise as I thought we were doing great Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 01:09

Thank you all anyway for your advice. I can see how the original post in isolation may have seemed like I was over reacting. I knew something was badly wrong. I'm going to have a little weep and get some sleep as I'm back to work tomorrow. Chin up for me I suppose 😢

OP posts:
CamperVamp · 18/09/2017 02:55

He sounds terrified about commitment.

And yes, he has been a twat over the last few weeks.

Ah well, his loss!

NarleneBieyrich · 18/09/2017 03:33

I agree hes been lying and trying to manipulate you into a Fwb situation.

Even without sex in the equation, I also think he wants you to sign up to be "on call" socially as in "acting with the care and attention and emotional energy of a girlfriend whilst getting fuck all in return"

Often these "softy softy" nice guy "I have Anxiety" types are really manipulative and control obsessed

I mean of course men and women can be friends and I value my male friends and don't just drop/ghost people when I get a boyfriend.

but if I'm dating someone then I'll probably give them my limited Saturday free time over a man who "sees me as a friend".

And I expect you'd be the same? Ditto with holiday time, xmas etc.

But guys like your ex want to be the social centre of your life without offering anything in return. He wants to suck up your emotional energy and time and leave you "stuck" and unable to meet anyone else, so you can meet HIS needs for attention.

Oddly enough if he was honest then you'd probably have respected him and you could have moved to a friendship situation. But lying manipulative types are just drama ridden PITAs to deal with long term.

Skittlesandbeer · 18/09/2017 03:58

It weirdly sounds as though there's something about going away with you that has triggered him?

He seems to have scared himself off you? Doesn't sound like anything youve done or said or hinted about has lead him there. Is it possible he worked himself into this lather because he thought women expect a proposal on this kind of holiday? That someone in his past has reacted this way, or it happened (and went tits up) with someone he was close too?

Honestly, it sounds as though he's having an imaginary relationship but with you in the room. Either way, he's not seeing (or caring about) the 'real' you. Leave him to his twisted imaginary friends and re-join reality. You sound like a great woman!

NarleneBieyrich · 18/09/2017 04:09

I'd bet a tenner he's now trying to "connect" with a 26 year old woman (other ages are available) and when she rebuffs him and he's scared to be alone (couple months maybe?) he'll be back in touch with the OP with his "confusion" resolved for the time being. Telling her how much her "company" (I.e. Unconditional support and indulgence of his whims) meant to him. Etc.

Then when he's back in with cosy holidays and emotional supppry he'I'll be all Mr Confused again.

gingergenius · 18/09/2017 04:11

Doesn't sound like he's in love with you. It sounds like he's 'settled'. You're worth more than someone settling for you. Silly man!

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 06:40

Wow thank you all. I recognise this situation in a lot of what you say. He has been very manipulative. Honestly I've been with some dickheads in my time but I can't recall ever being treated like this. Focusing on his manipulation is giving me the anger I need to make the break. We will not be friends moving forward. I wouldn't treat any of my friends the way he's treated me! You just wouldn't would you?

OP posts:
Plop5 · 18/09/2017 07:14

Can you text him and say that you wish he'd been honest about his feelings before the holiday and you're finding the mixed messages very difficult so its best to have a complete break for a while.

Plop5 · 18/09/2017 07:15

Or tell him he's been very unkind stringing you along and giving you mixed messages. So best call it a day.

Badders08 · 18/09/2017 07:25

I had something similar once....
I was...well...wooed by this guy. Properly courted...he sent me flowers at Work, took me on surprise meals and days out, little gifts for no reason.
I wasn't comfortable with it all tbh...
No idea why
Sixth sense?
Anyway he begged me to go away with him and his family to their friends villa
I went and from the first afternoon his manner completely altered
He didn't even want to be in the same room as me
It was awful
I feigned a migraine on the last day and stayed in the villa alone crying trying to see that is done wrong
Obv dumped his arse as soon as we got back
Then met now dh 😁
Anyway, my point is you will never know what triggered his behaviour.
All you can do is move on with your head held high x

Badders08 · 18/09/2017 07:25

Block his number
The twatbadger 😡😡😡

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 18/09/2017 07:33

No texting him! Just move on. Any contact is a chance for him to mess with you, and you get more dignity back with every choice not to engage.

I'm sorry you're hurting OP. This is a horribly situation.

JennyHolzersGhost · 18/09/2017 08:03

Don't text him !!!!! Unfortunately with a game player you have to resist playing their game. So no texting, that would only give him satisfaction and that's the number 1 thing you must avoid doing.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 08:29

It is horrible as people at work are asking if I had a nice time etc. I've decided just to say yes and leave telling them about the split until later in the week. He actually said on our last night that we'd never been 'boyfriend/girlfriend'. The more I think about it the more angry I am. It was only a few weeks ago he was asking if we could extend the holiday for longer. The holiday was his bloody idea!!!! Arse

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 18/09/2017 09:10

So he was happy to have sex with you whilst on holiday, whilst you were 'just friends'? I bet he was. Talk about eating your cake...

What an idiot. Hope you're doing okay, Minute, you dodged a bullet there.

Gemini69 · 18/09/2017 10:32

He's used you OP.. I agree with the others suggesting he's online trying to hook a younger version .... he's a DICK my lovely...

kick this Man to the kerb on your terms... you end it.. and hold your head up high and you close the door Flowers

Butterymuffin · 18/09/2017 10:47

What a knob. Out of interest, did you both pay for the holiday? Don't contact him again.

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 13:03

We both paid for the holiday to be fair. I'm wavering between sad, angry and embarrassed now. I've re-read messages we've sent over the last few weeks, I've gone over in my head days/nights out we've had, I've replayed conversations we've had in my head. There is no way on earth he'd ever indicated before we went away that it was a friends only arrangement now. I don't get it at all! What a player

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 18/09/2017 16:54

beat him at his own twisted game.... ignore him.. block him... smile and wave Flowers

Original poster
Aminuts23 · 18/09/2017 18:16

Do you think I should end it by explaining all the reasons he's been a dick or just ignore him? If I'm honest I'd find that hard. I want him to know exactly how cruel his behaviour has been as it would give me closure. He takes such great pride in being an all round 'top bloke'. I'd like him to know in how many ways he's been a massive tool Confused

OP posts:
underthebluemoon · 18/09/2017 18:39

No, OP, go 'Grey Rock' on him. Ignore him, block him. Trying to tell him he is an arse would be like washing your car in a thunderstorm. Have a little smile to yourself as you ignore him and he wonders why.

JennyHolzersGhost · 18/09/2017 18:41

Ignore him. Like I said, he's a game player. He likes getting a emotional response. The most frustrating thing for him will be for you to rise above it and walk away with your head held high, not letting him into your thoughts.

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