Holiday bloody nightmare

[Aminuts23]

I'm currently away with DP of 11 months. First holiday together. Last night he got absolutely wrecked and tells me he doesn't want to live together etc (absolutely fine by me, I don't want that and he knows it). However he also said when me met he thought I was a genuinely decent person who he could see himself shagging for a few months. He's horrified today and says he never thought that but I hate it. I now feel stuck here with him. He's feeling awful. I'm feeling awful. How would you feel about this?

Have you heard from him? Is he expecting to see you tomorrow (I may need to re-read the thread) Readjustment is very unsettling, difficult and lonely. Call a,friend and arrange lunch or coffee. I feel for you. But it will be okay.

Breaking the weekend up is an idea but half of me just wants to hide away this weekend and maybe pull myself together next week and crack on. I could go out with some friends tomorrow but they're not that close and I'd be mortified to tell them what has happened and get upset. It's not that type of friends.

Talk here not at him

You're doing well.

Remember he specifically targeted you for his manipulation because he saw you as a cool, independent woman and he wanted to set you up as if you're some clingy lunatic when it's HIM who is the weird one. Don't let him win. He is actually jealous of your confidence and peace of mind and wants to take it from you.

Is it autumnal where you are? Leaves out here oop north!

He apologised to me and said he hoped we could still be mates. I think what I sent back was dignified. I know I shouldn't have answered but I did tell him I wouldn't be meeting up with him any more. I wasn't sweary or ranty. I just said I felt I deserved far more respect than he'd shown me.

Justone it's pissing it down here up north

Five quid says you'll get a weird message in about three months time. This type likes shit stirring.

Did you get the money back?

No money back yet but he said it would be next week. I'm sure he'll pay that, not worried about that really. The thing is I'm quite cynical and don't easily trust at all. There were genuinely no red flags at all, not a single one. He was (was I thought) very open. He confided in me and asked my advice and followed it. I thought he respected me if nothing else. Thank you all for your support, it's really appreciated

On the plus side I don't need to de-fuzz tonight ☹️

sending hugs .. you will get through this... when there is a wobble.. just remember how he spoke to you when drunk on holiday

im glad youve got support around you. Im sorry its happened x

Yes, I think it will be tomorrow night when it hits me hardest. I usually go straight to his after work. Will feel very odd and empty coming home and spending the evening on my own 😟

Are you doing okay?

No, not at all. I've been on a work do and pretended to be ok but I'm broken, really devastated. I can't stop crying and I don't know what to do. 😢

Oh, this bit is horrible. You WILL feel better, and sooner than you think, but the bad bit just has to happen first.

Talk to friends, talk on here, punch cushions, be nice to yourself as much as you can.

I'll be ok. I don't think getting hammered was a particularly wise idea. I was in a right state but I was glad my friend dragged me out. It got me through the first Friday anyway. I got a few gutless messages from him last night. How sorry he is, how awesome I am etc. Pathetic

It's good that you can see the messages are pathetic. Whatever you do, don't reply - ignore, ignore, ignore.

Unfortunately I didn't ignore them. I know I should have. No more getting pissed. He's in no doubt how I feel anyway. Knobber 🙈

I've had more messages from him. He thinks I'm awesome. He's 'crap' at being in a relationship. He wants to see me again. What the hell do you do when he was so lovely for the best part of a year?? I've been quite unwise you will probably think but I've sent him an email telling him that his messages are nothing but self indulgent sanctimonious clap trap and if he wants to start being honest with me we can go from there. The truth is though the trust is gone so I don't really see how we could even be friends. This is soooo hard

Block and delete his number. Remove the temptation. He wants you to do the pick me dance to flatter his ego. Don't give him he satisfaction.

Well done OP that is exactly the right thing to say (apart from the "we can go from there" stuff but hey, this is a process, it takes time to work through it).
As you say, the trust is gone. Though it may not feel like it right now, you are in a REALLY GOOD PLACE. That's because he has sensed that you've distanced yourself and he is now entirely predictably attempting to get back inside your head again. You being firm with him will fuel that. He wants to fuck with you. Refuse to be fucked with. You're detaching yourself and moving on and although it hurts you KNOW it's the right thing to do.
What you absolutely don't want to do now is to give him the power back by showing weakness. Don't be tempted to get back together with him! He will only headfuck you some more and then you'll be having exactly the same conversations with us all over again in a short while except then it will be worse because he will have got better at messing with your head and you will have got more sucked in and emotionally invested.

I'm not asking him to pick me at all! He's the one wanting to maintain some sort of relationship but I'm giving him a firm no. I have asked him to be honest, stop the bullshit and tell me what actually happened as I think I deserve that. I genuinely don't think I can maintain a friendship with him. If he'd split up with me in an open and honest way and given me the choice about going on holiday just as friends I'd have an ounce of respect for him but he's gutless and all respect is gone. That's no foundation for a friendship or anything else

Thanks Jenny. I don't feel very strong but I absolutely will not be treated like that. I've called him out on his behaviour. He'll either be truthful or I'll never hear from him again. Either is fine with me. I think my email was closure for me. I feel more at peace with it now

your feeding his Ego .. stop replying to this man.. he does not want a relationship and saying he's crap at relationships just gives him the 'free pass' to use you for sex then go live his own life.. look at what he said to you about being on holiday as mates... he is disgusting OP... pick your self respect and dignity up off the floor and move on

I've no intentions of contacting him any more. As I said I think the email was closure for me. I sent it yesterday. I feel calmer. I've said everything I wanted to say. If he wants to attempt to explain himself so be it but I don't trust him, I can't be friends and we will most definitely not be meeting up or having sex ever again. I think more than anything for me it's shock and disappointment. I will be absolutely fine though. I am a woman after all and we are all warriors at heart

He's not going to tell you the truth. Either he got bored of you/stopped fancying you/ started fancying someone else, or something equally unflattering to you/him.

I think he said it on the holiday - he only ever saw you a shag for a few months. That's why it ended.