Friend doesn't want me at event - WWYD?

[weaselface]

Name changed as this is outing!

My group of friends organised going to a music festival that's happening next weekend. I couldn't get a ticket at the time but am volunteering at the festival so I get a ticket as part of that.

Stayed over at my best friend's last night, and this morning overheard her on the phone talking to one of our mutual friends.

The jist of the conversation was 'Weasel is going to Festival after all... I know, I'm so annoyed, I thought there was no chance at this point. She has the whole weekend off as well, so we can't shake her off'

I am gutted :( I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

I'm tempted not to go, but I've paid a deposit for my spot which I would lose. The other option is to try and find some additional paid bar work at the festival, but it's a 12 hour shift both days for crap money. Another part of me is tempted to go and be the life and soul of the party. I just wouldn't enjoy myself thinking they're laughing/moaning behind my back :(

Sorry for the epic post, guess I just needed to vent! Any tips on how to make the weekend more bearable?

That's horrible op I'm so sorry

Have you any idea why she wouldn't want you there?

Oh, I'm sorry, that's horrible, don't really know what to say. On a practical note though, I have done a lot of volunteering at festivals, and have always found the other volunteers to be a really friendly and welcoming bunch, so perhaps you can spend your downtime with them rather than seeking out your "friends". I hope you have a great weekend.

Aw no...that's harsh. I'm so sorry.

If it were me, I'd wouldn't go to the festival because I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm not being defeatist in saying that...if you can brazen it out and enjoy yourself solo anyway, then absolutely do that...but for me the occasion would be off. I can't be anywhere I'm not wanted.

You must be so hurt. I am really feeling it for you.

As MsRinky says - could you reframe it to yourself as you're going to the festival as a volunteer, and avoid these (non) friends? They're not your friends really are they - maybe you'll make new, nice friends at the festival if you stay away from these nasty people!

Do you feel comfortable asking her what you've done wrong? Not saying you've done anything wrong, btw, but that could open up an honest discussion with her? I'd want to find out the truth.

Wow your 'friends' sound nasty - I would ask her outright why she said what she said x

That is shit. How old is she? Is the festival big enough that you can go and still avoid them? They are not friends, sorry. Freeze them out (or the BF as it was her who made the comments) and try and make some new friends.

Ask her why she doesn't want you there.

Scrap the bar work option btw. Sounds ghastly.

Ouch. I don't think these are your friends :(

Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy - you've paid a deposit which you will lose whether or not you go. The question really is whether you'd have a better time elsewhere. Can you hang out with the other volunteers? Are there workshops or other things you can do to stay busy?

I think I would also talk to her and tell her you overheard her. That isn't the way that friends are supposed to talk about you.

Well she isn't your friend then, is she? Friends don't do that. I know how you feel. I heard my "best friend" slagging me off 15 years ago and it really cut deep. Haven't spoken to her since! I wouldn't go. Cut them loose and find nicer friends. I did.

I wouldn't go. Then I would cut contact with them. If they ask, then tell her you don't appreciate the falseness of the friendship but you don't want to elaborate.

That's shitty.

Don't let this lie. Call her out on the phone call; let her know you overheard and see what her response is. You've nothing to lose; you'd be feeling rotten about this friendship now anyway, and if you raise it with her that you heard this phone call then it allows for the possibility for her to offer an explanation e.g. that you got hold of wrong end of the stick, or whatever.

I'd message them telling them they don't need annoyed at you being at the festival as they wont have the pleasure of your company. Block. Go. Make new friends . Have an amazing time.
(I'm a petty bastard though!)

Ouch. That's horrible.

Have you any idea why? Do you tend to do anything different to the rest of the group? Maybe it's just a personality mismatch.

Ouch!

They are NOT friends.

I would go. Pick up bar shifts, you will have fun with the bar crew. Enjoy. Never contact these bitches again.

As has already been said volunteers at festivals are an ace bunch usually, mix with them & make some new real friends.

Well you're not going to be able to just move past this and act normal. That's an awful conversation to overhear. Personally I would not go to the festival and sever ties with these friends.

If this is your best friend, I'd hate to think what your worst friend would say about you. I'd go and hang with the other volunteers.

Remember while your spending time with people, who don't respect you, you're giving them attention and turning away from people, who may make great friends. Time for new friends perhaps?

OP your friend is an immature arse. Cut ties with her and tell her you overheard her.

There are nice people out there Op, who will deserve your friendship. Don't give these arseholes another thought.

Big hug.

I'd still go but I would do my absolute best to completely avoid your so called "friends". They sound anything but, and it must feel horrid for you. You need to cut all ties, I completely agree with other PPs.

Tell her you heard what she said and don't worry, you won't be "annoying" them at the festival as you no longer want anything to do with them. Go and spend time with the other volunteers! You'll make new friends that way :)