Friend doesn't want me at event - WWYD?

[weaselface]

Name changed as this is outing!

My group of friends organised going to a music festival that's happening next weekend. I couldn't get a ticket at the time but am volunteering at the festival so I get a ticket as part of that.

Stayed over at my best friend's last night, and this morning overheard her on the phone talking to one of our mutual friends.

The jist of the conversation was 'Weasel is going to Festival after all... I know, I'm so annoyed, I thought there was no chance at this point. She has the whole weekend off as well, so we can't shake her off'

I am gutted :( I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

I'm tempted not to go, but I've paid a deposit for my spot which I would lose. The other option is to try and find some additional paid bar work at the festival, but it's a 12 hour shift both days for crap money. Another part of me is tempted to go and be the life and soul of the party. I just wouldn't enjoy myself thinking they're laughing/moaning behind my back :(

Sorry for the epic post, guess I just needed to vent! Any tips on how to make the weekend more bearable?

She has form for being quite cynical and cutting when talking about people.

How your friend talks about other people tells you exactly how she speaks about you. It doesn't matter how nice or caring you or others are she will more than likely find something to bitch about.

You sound too nice for her, distance yourself and if she asks you why, then tell her you heard her backstabbing you and she has form for this!

You sound lovely op. From the way you write I can tell that you're nice, considerate, funny and interesting.

No friend would say what she said about a friend and to do it whilst you're in her house is just plain weird and risky!

I'd go and have a great time. Meet new people. Don't confront her/them just don't seek them out and if they get I touch then 'be busy'.

If they're bothered they will come and ask you what's wrong in the future and you can tell them that you got the impression they didn't want you around.

But anyway, at least two of them are the sort of people you don't want as friends. They're also.likely to talk about each other like that and you won't be the only people they slag off. It's a music festival. You being there would make no difference to them whatsoever. It wouldn't alter the atmosphere, regardless of what they think your problem is. It's a group of people so plenty of them to dilute one person's 'undesirable' behaviour.

So really it's not about you, it's about them being bitchy and boring and trying to make themselves more interesting by putting someone down. You're so much better than that op and deserve much better friends than that.

@Tofutti ahh 😊 Glad it helps.

I know a lot about bad days, but they pass, they really do!

Hope you're ok, nearly the weekend!!

I do know a school mum like that, she is nice on the surface, but behind my back looks down on me and my ds. A bit of a queen bee to boot, and member of the PTA. Had most of the boys from ds class on a playdate, but never invited ds, despite tge boys being good friends. Turned down my offers of a play date, being too busy etc. Mabey it's because we are not good enough,, ds has a mild dev delay and speech delay, but is a lovely, funny and gentle boy.

I agree Cola, if she speaks to others like that, what is she speaking to you behind your back. Those are not nice traits. It is good that she let her guard slip, or Mabey it was intentional. Mabey your the spare friend when others are not around. You don't have to confront her if you don't want, but she might ask why your avoiding her. Just tell her what yiu heard her say, is that right, am I that bad that you rather me not around! Watch her squirm and finish with them. You will meet other more mature friends a long the line, Mabey some that have been in the same boat as you.

What she also said was very nasty, like she's putting on an act in front of you, but revealed her true feelings in that phone call.

God I remember dealing with girls like this! Id do a good old MN ghosting of the 'friendship' I think confronting people like this just adds fuel to their bitchiness and as pp said will make them think you are desperate to remain friends. Are you at an English uni? If so this is last year, get your head down, work hard and you have your whole life ahead of you - honestly soon you'll be looking back on these numpties with pity like you do on the silly wannabe 'mean girls' from school!

You really need to go NC. Have pride. She's nasty.

You'll find other friends even if you have a spell of loneliness.

You don't have the same name as someone else in the group do you?

How horrible for you Weasel, have you decided whether or not to tell your "friend" that you overheard her on the phone? I think I would....

She sounds vile. I honestly wouldn't feel that her opinions are shared by the rest off the group.. even the own she was talking to. It's just your (understandable)low self confidence projecting that. She's one of those horribly over bearing dominating types I imagine, and guaranteed other people in the group will secretly feel the same. Remember it's absolutely illogical that all 10 of them won't like you just because youve heard what you heard, totally illogical. You do need to call her up on it. Male her squirm. Say you overhead half of what you did and ask who she was referring to. Then ask how come she used your name. She's a bitch.

Also, is there another member of the group who you could share this with to help you see that it's not all of them versus just you?

Any update after the weekend?
Did you confront her?
Did you get the bar work in place for this weekend?

Go to the festival Facebook event page or website discussion forum if they have one, usually there are posts from people going solo and looking for people to hang out with. Make arrangements if you can to meet up with other solo festivallers outside of your work shifts. Ignore your 'friends'.

what a horrible friend!!1

Op?

i'd go and do the bar work and earn a bit extra. she's blown the friendship and trust and you'll never feel comfortable with her again.

i'd start looking for new friends tbh. go to the festival, enjoy the music, earn money at the bar and i'm sure you'll meet new friends there.

This is horrible, I wouldn't waste my breath or I wouldn't let them have the satisfaction of trying to squirm about it. If someone did this to me it would be a 100% total ghosting. It really irks people when you act like they don't exist.

This is very self-indulgent and self-pitying i have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships.

The y probably want a bit of a break from you TBH

Neutrogena
I'm sure you are a lovely lovely friend!!!

This person is not a friend and you don't deserve to be anyone's sloppy second. Go to the festival, while having minimal contact with this person. Upon return I would definitely say you heard what she said and then Find more rewarding friendships.

P.s Neutrogena you are a twat.

Maybe I didn't articulate myself well.
It sounds like OP is not well, and as a result her friends probably want a break from her condition. It's not easy to be a friend or relative or someone with mental illness. Those people need a break sometimes.
A festival may not be the healthiest environment for someone with mental illness, so the friends just want some time without OP.
Being with needy people is wearing. It's not the OPs fault she in unwell, but let's give her friends a break. What OP overheard was just frustration, articulated poorly.

Any update OP?

Hi all, sorry for lack of update.

No luck with the bar work, unfortunately. I'm working the entire first day, unlikely that I'll find any more shifts but still asking around on the off chance. Feeling more and more optimistic about this weekend though.

Desmondo has her spot on - she is very much the 'mum' of the group and likes being in control. I agree that it is likely not all the group feel that way - a few others got in touch to ask about my plans over the weekend. Haven't spoken to her at all, and I feel so much lighter. I have a sneaking suspicion I've worked out who she was talking to on the phone so have written him off too he's a boring twat anyway so will say something at the festival and then blank.

Neutrogena I am very much the opposite of self-pitying and self-indulgent - just upset over a nasty situation with a so-called friend. Like anyone with a chronic illness, I manage my condition well, and it largely doesn't affect my daily life. As for wanting a break from me - we've had almost two months since uni ended, during which I've only seen her once (when I heard the phone call). And I'm not going to a festival to stare into space preening and sighing wistfully when someone asks me what's wrong I'm going to listen to bands and have fun!

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments - whatever happens, I am going! Will try and keep you updated (or at least will come back on the Monday)

I bet you'll have a ball at the festival. Who knows, you might make some new friends among the volunteers, too. Enjoy!