Friend doesn't want me at event - WWYD?

[weaselface]

Name changed as this is outing!

My group of friends organised going to a music festival that's happening next weekend. I couldn't get a ticket at the time but am volunteering at the festival so I get a ticket as part of that.

Stayed over at my best friend's last night, and this morning overheard her on the phone talking to one of our mutual friends.

The jist of the conversation was 'Weasel is going to Festival after all... I know, I'm so annoyed, I thought there was no chance at this point. She has the whole weekend off as well, so we can't shake her off'

I am gutted :( I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

I'm tempted not to go, but I've paid a deposit for my spot which I would lose. The other option is to try and find some additional paid bar work at the festival, but it's a 12 hour shift both days for crap money. Another part of me is tempted to go and be the life and soul of the party. I just wouldn't enjoy myself thinking they're laughing/moaning behind my back :(

Sorry for the epic post, guess I just needed to vent! Any tips on how to make the weekend more bearable?

So go in your own right, group up with the other crew and enjoy yourself. They don't own the festival, and have no right saying who can or cannot go.

What festival is it, Op? Maybe some friendly MNetters may be going and you could meet up for a warm cider and make new friends ??

I know it's easy to say what we'd do, when we're not in your position, and confrontation is HARD. But I like to think I'd ask her, openly, something along the lines of: 'I overheard you speaking to someone this morning, and you seemed really pissed off that I'm coming to the event, it was really hurtful to hear that'. And then leave it with her to try to wriggle out of

This - this is what I would do. Then I would go to the festival, make friends with the other volunteers (if they've volunteered, they're likely to be personable people) and enjoy yourself and completely forget about your "friends".

I think CupOfTeaAndAGoodBook makes a fair point

^Was your "best friend" DEFINITELY referring to you? Is it worth making sure that the conversation wasn't:
BF "Weasel is going to Festival after all"
Other end of phone "Ok great, omg though did you hear is going to be there too?"
BF "I know" &etc^

Though that might be clutching at straws

I know loads of posters are saying you should go to the festival and have a great time but don't feel that you have to 😊 It's a really shocking and upsetting thing to have happened and if you feel like staying at home and hiding then do that instead. There's no point going if you think you might be on edge all weekend.

Whatever you do make sure you are doing it for yourself and not to prove anything to anyone else or to make a point.

Have you rl support. I think I might go to the festival if I were you but my second option would be to phone my Mum, have a cry and go and get spoiled by her all weekend. 😂😂.

Good idea Northend, that's all you need to say

I'm so sorry. No one deserves to feel this way.

Tell so called friend you heard the call. And you heard enough for her to not be able to try and deny it and say "I didn't mean it like that.."

Tell her what you posted here. That it hurt because you thought u finally found a solid group of friends. And if they feel that way then it's a good thing you'll be volunteering...because you won't be spending time at the event around such two faced people.

Better friends will come along. Hold your head high hun x

I do also think Alibright may have a point - certainly the situation she describes is one that I've encountered before. If there's one person in the friendship group that always ends up either crying, shouting, puking or demanding endless reassurance and comfort, it can get very, very draining for everyone else.

But of course neither she nor I know OP, and OP's friends could just be bitches.

Personally, I'd cut the whole lot of your so called friends off and never speak to them again.

I'd block them and never call again... That's me though.

I'd go to the festival and enjoy it with the other volunteers.

These are not your friends.

I would cut these friends off OP, life is too short to spend your time with people who don't appreciate you.

Go to the festival and mix with the others volunteers, but most of all, enjoy yourself

User and allisbright- even if that is the case the friend is still a cow. You don't have that conversation when someone can overhear. You're also straight with the person , as hard as that can be

How awful. So sorry OP. better you found out now than once at the festival though. Maybe you can round up other mumsnetters going and have an amazing time with them?

lobsterface - I agree. That conversation was horrible to have and even worse when there was the risk or likelihood of weasel overhearing.

I do appreciate what you are saying about being straight with the person in the situation I describe, but I think she would have felt even worse and may have withdrawn completely. As other posters have said, many would not want to feel like a burden on their friends.

Not read all the replies, so sorry if this is repeating a view already expressed ....

Firstly, she's no friend and you need to dump her and whoever it was she was talking to. What an awful thing to say, especially knowing you were within ear shot in her house.

But, if this is a festival and you're a volunteer, you'll be busy doing something for much of the time, won't you? And it will be a crowded event. You'll not be hanging out with them or hanging on to them so they'll not have to "shake you off" surely? As someone up thread has said, you'll probably become part of a group of volunteers and make a whole lot of new friends, so go and enjoy yourself.

Oh wow, so many replies! Thank you all for your kind words and advice, it's really helping. Will try and address everyone (currently making my way home from BFs).

I'm 99.9% sure she was talking about me. I have no idea why she felt the need to have that conversation whilst I was there - clearly I'm such a big inconvenience that she couldn't wait another few hours before I left!

Part of the reason I'm so floored is that it's so out of the blue. I've a shitty few years, and BF has done her more fair share of looking after me, even to the extent of taking me to hospital after a suicide attempt last year. But I've also done my fair share for her - doing her favours, going to see her, ending nights out when she's been upset/drunk, and she comes to me for advice and help a lot. Not that I'm point-scoring, but I did all of it in good faith and out of love for her. We had a lovely day yesterday and I just sat through a breakfast with her where she mentioned the plans for the festival next week. And when we said goodbye she said 'see you next week, looking forward to it!' I really thought we were mates, it's fucking bizarre. I was bullied at school, but it was never this underhand and sly.

She has form for being quite cynical and cutting when taking about people - about time I was on the receiving end of it, I suppose, and of course sure this isn't the first time.

I still don't really have a game plan, to be honest. There are about 10 of them, so plenty of other people to hang around with. The thing is, I don't know if this is how they all feel - I don't want them to resent my presence and make it miserable. Even if they carry on 'as normal', I'll still be questioning myself all weekend, and in general. The deposit that I've paid is only refundable after I've done my shift, and it's £100. We're students, so I can't really afford to lose that kind of money! I can cancel, but won't get my money back. It's shitty because if I had a ticket I could at least sell it on!

I am warming to the idea of bar work. It's my first festival and it's quite small, so I would hate to look like a knob by myself. Or maybe within the week I could pluck up the courage to go and enjoy myself - I can actually be a laugh when I want to be

Thank you again for being lovely, am trying not to cry in a crowded public place! Think I'm going to indulge in some retail therapy and cake.

Feels like we never like primary school!

Like we never left!

Ouch, that is NASTY, I would be so hurt. Did you have any idea she could feel like this?
I would go, and hang out with the other volunteers.
I would also tell my'friend' that I heard her, and that she is a coward for not telling me there was a problem. Friendships are about being able to say difficult things kindly, otherwise they are an Acquaintance, not a friend. It's hard to do, but it's what makes friendships so good

At the moment my bf has got herself into another scrape, she is down, overwhelmed and a bit desperate. I need to tell her that I'm going to support her, but I won't buy into t he drama. It will be hard, but I'll do it, because it's a warts and all relationship.

Hope you find some truer friends op, you deserve it

Are you going to confront her about what she said? Because either she's COMPLETELY two faced, and plans to carry on acting like your friend whilst slagging you off behind your back, or (and I accept you think this is unlikely) you were mistaken.

If you're going to end the friendship, at least make sure that there have been no crossed wires.

You sound like you have a great attitude weasel. Bar work is actually really fun and is my go to thing to do if I don't know many people or am a bit bored. You'll be massively busy and time will fly. And I bet you make some new friends who you can hang out with if you feel like spurning your 'mates'.

I would talk to her though if you can stomach it - no good you having it hanging over you all weekend

Defo go and do your own thing working or just going with the flow. You might meet some other volunteers to hang out with. And if you get bar work, shit money is still extra money. Either way go, try to forget about them and just focus on your experience x

Wait, you didn't actually hear her say your name? Could it possibly have been someone else she was talking about?

Roly, I don't think I will end the friendship, per se, it will make thing awkward at uni. I will definitely distance myself from her greatly, though, and will try and think of a way to address it, even if it's just to let her know I know how she feels.

Helena, she did said my first name - no one else called that in the group.

She definitely said my name - the 0.01% of doubt is because I didn't hear the other side of the conversation, as some PPs have suggested.

Jesus, I am getting more upset for you the more I think about it! Cake and a new something for yourself (even if it is small as a student)