Friend doesn't want me at event - WWYD?

[weaselface]

Name changed as this is outing!

My group of friends organised going to a music festival that's happening next weekend. I couldn't get a ticket at the time but am volunteering at the festival so I get a ticket as part of that.

Stayed over at my best friend's last night, and this morning overheard her on the phone talking to one of our mutual friends.

The jist of the conversation was 'Weasel is going to Festival after all... I know, I'm so annoyed, I thought there was no chance at this point. She has the whole weekend off as well, so we can't shake her off'

I am gutted :( I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

I'm tempted not to go, but I've paid a deposit for my spot which I would lose. The other option is to try and find some additional paid bar work at the festival, but it's a 12 hour shift both days for crap money. Another part of me is tempted to go and be the life and soul of the party. I just wouldn't enjoy myself thinking they're laughing/moaning behind my back :(

Sorry for the epic post, guess I just needed to vent! Any tips on how to make the weekend more bearable?

What you should do is clear.

Go to the festival, hang out with the other volunteers. They might be your new circle of friends, because these ones surely aren't. Drop especially the "best" friend and tell her why. Nasty piece of work, she sounds 12.

If you do work the bar don't serve them.

I know it must hurt like hell right now, but honestly, this is not about you. Anyone who would make nice to your face and then slag you off behind your back to others has serious personality defects. You're well rid.

YYYYYYYY. This with cherries on.

I think I'd have to calmly say to so called best friend that I overheard what she said and that you want an explanation! What shitty behaviour.

Do people really behave like this? Blimey. I would ditch them and not look back.

What would you do if your friend and the others suddenly couldn't make it (I'm not wishing food poisoning on them you understand, but say it did happen)? If you would still go to the festival even if you friend wasn't there, then you should still go, have a good time and just ignore all of them.

I think I would feel like pictish I wouldn't want to go, it would have spoilt it for me. Don't feel like you have to just because of the deposit. I'd tell 'friend' I had heard though, that would have killed the friendship for me.

Ouch, nasty - I also have a horrible feeling that you were meant to "overhear" as well.

Sack 'em off now.

Go to the festival - volunteers tend to have a great sense of camaraderie - you may well have a better time with a great group of people.

Don't waste your time or headspace with people like this - their behaviour reflects on them, not you.

RojanJosh. I didn't read your post as 'victim blaming' at all. You were just asking if there might be a reason which is a reasonable point.

OP, I'm so sorry you heard that, it must be horrible. How old are you all? I'm hoping the 'friend' is about 15 😂 but I've a feeling she's older.

I'd be ok to go on my own and enjoy myself but it would depend on how much I could avoid them. Will you know anyone else there?

I'd also tell her that you heard her and that it was incredibly upsetting. I'm not sure I'd bother asking about reasons or excuses. I don't think there would be much point.

I'd almost be tempted to text everyone as I'd be nervous about what was being said

'I'm extremely upset to have overheard XXX telling XXX that she is 'annoyed' I am going to the festival and that she is dissapointed that she feels she won't be able to 'shake me off'. I had no idea that XXX felt like this otherwise I wouldn't have volunteered at the festival.

As it is I've decided to go as I'm looking forward to volunteering and seeing XYZ Band. It's going to be awkward but I don't see why I should change my plans. I'll try and keep out of XXXs way'

Bloody hell that's awful

Hope you have the strength to dump them.

Oh love the horrible bastards.
Personally, unless your favourite band ever are playing - I wouldn't go. You will be paranoid (rightly so) every time you go over to them, they may say something really hurtful when pissed and you'll have to grin and bear it because you're working.
She'll try and wriggle out of the phone call by blaming the person on the other end not liking you and saying that she was just 'going along with it'
I would definitely speak to her. Plan what you want to say, then walk away. For good.
Your friendship is irreparable after this. You deserve some proper friends who will be thrilled to spend time with you

I'm so sorry! :(

Just to mention though... just because you heard that one friend say that, it doesn't necessarily mean everyone feels that way - it could be her particular issue and they nod awkwardly but actually like spending time with you. Not that that's nice but... I don't know, I've just had people try to be cliquey with me and exclude others before, I'm sure due to their own insecurity, and while I've always put a stop to it and said the more the merrier, it's worth remembering that everyone feels insecure sometimes, often about their place in the friendship group, and they might just not standing up to the horrid one loudly enough. It might just be her that's a bitch and everyone knows it, is what I'm trying to say!

Or not and they're not worth the emotional bother. I think going and having a great time and making new friends, or finding the ones in the group that are worth it, is a great idea (although I'd honestly probably stay at home... but I'm old and not a festival fan!)

Have fun and do something nice for you either way x

Just to add - bar staff at festivals, whilst working hard, are paid in fun/access/perks as well as £££ - honestly it's the best.

Also, you get a 'higher status' as part of the crew iyswim?

You're part of the festival - they'll just be punters.

So if they do see you, you'll have the upper-hand - which would be sweet.

Lets get this straight. Neither is a friend to you certainly not a bestie.😡 I am sorry this has happened. Its better that you know. I just wouldn't do. Forget them.

Something very similar happened to a friend of mine - copied in on an email. The backtracking that followed was cringeworthy. And something a little bit like this happened to me a couple of times, where it got back to me what certain people REALLY thought of me. Hurts like fuck, but at least it tells you who your friends actually are.

You are so much better than them and deserve some proper friends!

I know this doesn't make it any better ... but is it possible that it's mutual friend that actually has the problem with you, and best friend is just pretending that she doesn't want you there either to keep the peace (and may be planning to "lose" mutual friend at the festival)? I mean it's still shitty behavior, but lots of people don't like confrontation and would just play along rather than call out other people

(as evidenced by this thread actually ...)

That's horrible OP. What a nasty person!

I would have confronted her at the time to ask what she meant but that's just me.

Can you text her and explain that you overheard her on the phone and would like to know what the issue is as you thought you were all good friends?

You were staying at her place overnight, though... She's not exactly avoiding you . Are you sure you heard her correctly??

What everyone else said.

I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

Absolutely nobody deserves this treatment. I highly doubt that there is anything that would make nice, normal people not want to be friends with you. You sound lovely in your OP and there is a tribe somewhere waiting somewhere for you. These people are not worthy of your time or attention. Chalk it up to experience, grieve and move on.

You say that you have experienced difficulties around friendships. Would it help to have some counselling to help you identify the kind of people you want to stay away from?

I'd have to ask her what the fuck was going on. That's shitty 💐

Drop "friends" - today and FOR GOOD! (

Still go to festival (why should you lose money/fun becuase of someone else, do they own you?). Have a good time and you never know, you may meet your new best friend there.

I think I would have it out with her, not so you can try and stay 'friends' just as you may get an idea why? Do you think she wanted you to hear? Very odd to talk about you when you were in the house.

Festivals are big places. You might not even see them. Go, make new friends. As others say there are bound to be other volunteers to hang out with. Go and see everything you want to. Dont let them force you to miss out!

I would confront the so called best mate and ask her why they don't want you going ! How awful op . I'm sorry

Wow OP, that must be horrible. I wouldn't bother wasting a weekend with these so called 'friends'