Friend doesn't want me at event - WWYD?

[weaselface]

Name changed as this is outing!

My group of friends organised going to a music festival that's happening next weekend. I couldn't get a ticket at the time but am volunteering at the festival so I get a ticket as part of that.

Stayed over at my best friend's last night, and this morning overheard her on the phone talking to one of our mutual friends.

The jist of the conversation was 'Weasel is going to Festival after all... I know, I'm so annoyed, I thought there was no chance at this point. She has the whole weekend off as well, so we can't shake her off'

I am gutted :( I have depression and huge issues around self esteem and feeling secure in friendships. This is the first time ever I've thought I had a solid group of friends, and this particular girl is supposed to be my best mate.

I'm tempted not to go, but I've paid a deposit for my spot which I would lose. The other option is to try and find some additional paid bar work at the festival, but it's a 12 hour shift both days for crap money. Another part of me is tempted to go and be the life and soul of the party. I just wouldn't enjoy myself thinking they're laughing/moaning behind my back :(

Sorry for the epic post, guess I just needed to vent! Any tips on how to make the weekend more bearable?

I'd message them telling them they don't need annoyed at you being at the festival as they wont have the pleasure of your company. Block. Go. Make new friends . Have an amazing time.

Good advice - go anyway. Don't speak to them. Make friends with the other volunteers.

Your best friend shouldn't be talking about like that, I would have to call her out on it over a drink. It could be that the person she was talking didn't want you there but still she could have been more loyal to you.

At this point you have nothing to lose by questioning it but also be prepared to hear maybe a hurtful response.

As others have said the festival will be fun anyhow as a volunteer.

Don't victim blame, RoganJosh

How can this be the OP's fault? If her personality clashed with the group, then how come they became friends in the first place? And how come her best friend is slagging her off behind her back?

I'm sorry OP. It's not your fault that your supposed best friend and the wider friendship group are doing this. And I agree about the sunken costs fallacy - forget about the money, and ask yourself whether you'd manage to have a good time at the festival if you do attend.

That's plain fucking nasty. You need new friends!

Go, volunteer, make friends with the other volunteers and hang out with them.

Oh and definitely call them out on their behaviour.

I would tell her you heard the conversation and tell her to fuck off. She is not your friend.

Really wasn't meaning to victim blame, just thinking it might be less hurtful to be able to think 'oh it's because they know I don't approve of their drug taking' or similar rather than a general personality assassination.
If it was me I'd find that better.

Oh how awful of them. I have been there OP, it's terrible when something like this happens.

If it was me, I wouldn't go. I just don't think I could have a good time. I would rather treat myself to an indulgent weekend to myself. Get a good box set, takeaway and a bottle of wine and enjoy a night to myself. I'd take myself out during the day for a nice walk or to the cinema or something.

I honestly would rather have a solo weekend than one with people who didn't appreciate me.

These people aside, do you still want to go to the festival? If so, go, have a great time and hopefully you will find some kindred spirits among your fellow volunteers.

But whether you decide to just fade away or call your 'friend' out, you must have nothing more to do with this group of people. They will do your mental health no good at all.

I once overheard someone talking about me and I went in and confronted her, told her straight that I'd heard her. So, that's what I'd do, OP.

However, you've had some time to think now. It sounds like she's not your friend at all. I think I'd want to know why she's been acting like she is. Maybe confront her and take it from there?? If you think you can still enjoy the festival, go and have fun, but do it on your terms.

Go, but tell you you probably won't see her much as you're meeting others there.

If she sees you with colleagues and workmates, job done.

And then ditch her, she's a cow.

Re-frame this in your head asap: you are lucky to find out now they are like this and can write them off.

I'd still go but I would say to your so-called mate very likely you are going to be too busy working and having fun to catch up with her and the rest over the festival. No further discussion necessary.

I know it's easy to say what we'd do, when we're not in your position, and confrontation is HARD. But I like to think I'd ask her, openly, something along the lines of: 'I overheard you speaking to someone this morning, and you seemed really pissed off that I'm coming to the event, it was really hurtful to hear that'. And then leave it with her to try to wriggle out of.

The best case scenario is that your best friend is just feeble, and the person she was speaking to is the one that has a problem with you, and she didn't feel confident to stand-up to that person and say that she was glad you're attending.

But even so, you don't need friends like that.

I'm sorry this has happened, it's really mean and really hurtful. But Fuck 'em walk away, head held high.

I'd go and be friendly and helpful to the other volunteers and probably find other people to spend time with over the festival. I would avoid them at the festival and then avoid them after. If they ask I would say I overheard the conversation, but if they didnt even bother to ask/ contact me again, I would just try and move on.

Go to the festival, I bet you make some friends with other volunteers and enjoy it with them.

A best friend would never say something like that!

Okay honestly?

You need to ask her what she's on about.

You may have misheard her.

Go. Hang with the other volunteers. Enjoy the music, and not hanging to pay for it. Breeze past your "friends" a couple of times but always have somewhere you need to be.

Afterwards, shoot your former BF a text message. "Hi Penelope. Wasn't the festival great, hope you had a good time. Sorry we hardly caught up. Hope you didn't think I was trying to shake you off!"

Then never answer a call or text from one of those grim bitches again.

I know it must hurt like hell right now, but honestly, this is not about you. Anyone who would make nice to your face and then slag you off behind your back to others has serious personality defects. You're well rid.

I feel for you so much OP.

She's not your best friend. It's hard to do, but you need to distance yourself from her and this group of friends. I would be unable to resist sending a message though "it's okay, I won't be hanging around with you this weekend so don't worry about not being able to shake me off".

Tbh I wouldn't go to the festival if you think you may not be able to handle it. But see how you feel on the day.

I think I'd say something along the lines of @kingfishergreen's suggestion. Watch her squirm.

Do still go though, there'll be plenty of people to chat to and I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself. Imagine the others in that group, not knowing if they're next to be slagged off when they pop to the loo etc.

They are shitbags

plant drugs on them

Wow well isn't she a total bitch!!

Have it out with her or tell the friend she was talking to you overheard and ask what the problem is.

Please don't be upset by that and definitely go and enjoy yourself!!

Sounds really shit. How much do you want to go to this festival? Is it something you would want to go to even if your group weren't going?

That doesn't sound good OP.

The only thing that occurs to me is are they intending to take drugs or something and think that you will be judgy about it/ they don't want you to know that they are into that scene for some reason?

Maybe it's just a personality mismatch

Yep - they're insufferable arseholes who think they're doing OP a favour by being seen near her, and OP is just being herself.

You may have misheard her.
Yep - maybe she meant to say, "Oh I'm so glad weaselface will be there, what a laugh we will all have together" but it came out as "I'm so annoyed I can't shake weaselface off"

I wouldn't have it out with her if it were me, but I hate confrontation. I just don't think you'd hear anything to your advantage by talking to her about it. You'd either get hard-boiled truth, which will be really hard to hear and only their opinion anyway, or bare-faced lies.

You have two choices as I see it (just WIWD): go as volunteer and get to know some of the other volunteers instead of wasting another second on people who don't want you. OR, do as another PP said and have a totally self-indulgent w/e at home with wine and chox and popcorn and box sets and Mumsnet.

God I am so angry on your behalf! These cows really do have tickets on themselves, don't they???

They do say ne et listen to what others are saying about you. You won't like it.

Do the bar. Bar staff are the best 🙂

That sound awful, OP - I'm so sorry, what a horrible thing to overhear.

Do you want to salvage the friendship or are you too hurt? Either way, I think I would want to ask her about it. Not in an overly confrontational way, just to find out why she said that so I know where I stand.

I have also done - and loved! - volunteer festival events, so if her response is unacceptable you have the perfect excuse to ditch them and hang out with the volunteer crew.

I hope you have a great time!