Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not happy with the idea of being tracked.

218 replies

MattMurdock · 30/05/2017 23:06

DW wanted me to install an app so she can see where I am (and me her) at all times.

When I said I didn't like the sound of that she said why what do you have to hide.

I don't have anything to hide, but I don't feel the need to know where she is 24/7 and I don't like that she wants to be able to keep tabs on where I am.

She's saying that it was just interesting and reassuring but I feel that its controlling and shows a lack of trust.

AIBU to feel upset about it. She's saying to forget it if that's how I feel but I'm worried that if I don't install it she'll feel that I do have something to hide.

OP posts:
finnthepink · 30/05/2017 23:09

I wouldn't like that either. I have absolutely nothing to hide but I like a bit of privacy FFS!

I'm also not in the least bit interested in keeping tabs on DH's geographic location. I've got enough to do as it is. And if I want to know where he's going/where he's been I'll ask him.

If she feels she can't trust you she needs to find another way to work through that, or if she really thinks you're up to something I guess she needs to leave you Confused

PurpleDaisies · 30/05/2017 23:11

That would be a red line for me. I totally agree with your point of view.

glastogal · 30/05/2017 23:13

I agree you shouldn't do it if you don't want to. Me and my DP have it (or something along those lines) but I only use it to check if he is on the train, cos he never lets me know! If he wanted to be invisible he could just disable it and I probably wouldn't notice.. it doesn't always work anyway!!

grobagsforever · 30/05/2017 23:15

Creepy and controlling

statetrooperstacey · 30/05/2017 23:15

I wouldn't like that, it would make me uneasy, an eye in the sky sort of thing and I don't have anything to hide either!

ClemDanfango · 30/05/2017 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SocksRock · 30/05/2017 23:21

If you don't want to, that should be the end of it. DH and I have each other on Find My Friends, but I can't actually remember the last time I checked. Difference being we both agreed to it and were happy

Siwdmae · 30/05/2017 23:22

I've disabled Findmyphone, I just don't see the need. I trust my DH, he trusts me, he can phone and ask me where I am if he wants to, I text to tell him I'm on the way home if I'm going to be late. Far too invasive, IMO.

HoleySock · 30/05/2017 23:25

My husband and I have this feature on our phones but purely because he drives for a living and his phone is off most of the time. I would hate to have him turn his phone on to 13 missed calls with me just trying to catch him for a little chat during the day. He would worry there was an emergency he had missed etc. I only ever use it when he's working and I want to chat to him so I can tell it it's a good time or not - if his phone is off I don't get his location.
I rarely if ever use it other times, I recall once there was a big traffic accident and I was reassured to know it wasn't him etc but I don't rely on it or use it that often,

I've never asked him if he uses it to see where I am. Although our house to school/Tesco/Aldi probably isn't that interesting.

I guess I'd say it depends why she wants it.

CookieMonster54 · 30/05/2017 23:27

Sounds like she has major trust issues, OP. Was she cheated on in a previous relationship? Have you given her any reason to distrust you? (I don't mean that accusingly).

You're absolutely right to feel aggrieved. I think if my DW made the same request of me, I'd refuse. But I'd really want to hear her reasoning. She clearly feels she has reason to worry about where you're spending your time. Those reasons may have nothing to do with you, but you need to try to understand them.

Carolinethebrave · 30/05/2017 23:28

DC and Dh and I all have it on all our phones

Why do you care? Dh knows that I know where he is, so what, it works both ways and we're always at work or home so no big deal

Carolinethebrave · 30/05/2017 23:29

We have it to find our phones btw but added side effect is we know where each other are

It's no big deal in our house, nobody cares

jeaux90 · 30/05/2017 23:30

If I was asked to install this by a partner I would tell them to jog on.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 30/05/2017 23:31

Dh put it on our phones so I could see where he is on train and then pick him up.

I took it off and call it the stalker app.

It can be useful but it's not for me. She should accept this op.

HalfPintPixie · 30/05/2017 23:35

Sounds very controlling to me. Does she seem to have any jealousy issues? Has she showed any controlling behaviour in the past?

If you're uncomfortable with it (and I definitely would be!) it's important to let her know where your boundaries are and hopefully explain to her where your discomfort is coming from.

Voice0fReason · 30/05/2017 23:37

Me and DH have this, but only because it's convenient for us.
It's easy to turn off if needed.
It's not right to pressure anyone else into it though. If it doesn't work for you then don't do it.

helterskelter99 · 30/05/2017 23:38

We love it and use it loads, check as I drive past station is he nearly there if so I'll wait
He's driving somewhere check if he's arrived
He's putting kids to bed checks if it's worth them waiting up for me
No red flag just auseful tool

LilQueenie · 30/05/2017 23:44

I had the same type of problem from dp. He couldnt understand why I wanted privacy if nothing to hide. Its controlling and actually killed it between us.

EmilyBiscuit · 30/05/2017 23:46

Nothing wrong with it if you want it. But as you've said you don't she should accept that. If she has said to forget it, then forget it. If she brings it up again you may have a problem.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 30/05/2017 23:50

Have you done something to make her not trust you? Smile

Original poster
MattMurdock · 30/05/2017 23:53

I have the facility to share my location when I go cycling but I don't like the idea of that either.

I know she has this kind of thing set up on out DD's phone and she tracked me driving her and her friend to a theme park and back recently, commented that there must have been a jam at one point as we didn't move for a while......

So I feel she would use it a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
MattMurdock · 30/05/2017 23:56

Have you done something to make her not trust you?
No, we've been married for 2 decades she shouldn't have any doubt of my commitment to her and I've never given her any reason to doubt me.

OP posts:
BuzzKillington · 31/05/2017 00:02

We all - dh, me and the children - have this on our phones. It's useful and we have nothing to hide.

scottishdiem · 31/05/2017 00:05

DP and I have this but we use it to see if we are near each other at lunchtimes or journeys home.

However, I think we would immediately delete the app if one of us started commenting about where we were and for how long.

Your wife sounds like she is on the first step to stalkerdom. Best not tolerate it.

Original poster
MattMurdock · 31/05/2017 00:08

If she has said to forget it, then forget it.

But when a woman says "forget it" does she actually ever mean forget it??

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread