Not happy with the idea of being tracked.

[MattMurdock]

DW wanted me to install an app so she can see where I am (and me her) at all times.

When I said I didn't like the sound of that she said why what do you have to hide.

I don't have anything to hide, but I don't feel the need to know where she is 24/7 and I don't like that she wants to be able to keep tabs on where I am.

She's saying that it was just interesting and reassuring but I feel that its controlling and shows a lack of trust.

AIBU to feel upset about it. She's saying to forget it if that's how I feel but I'm worried that if I don't install it she'll feel that I do have something to hide.

[Nancy91]

Why doesn't she take you to the vet and get you chipped?

That's really creepy, don't install that on your phone. You aren't a possession, you can go where you want without being questioned! If she's insecure then that is her problem to deal with.

[MistySparrow]

Why don't you both talk to each other and find out what her concerns are?

[GabsAlot]

so if it hda been a woman comingon here saying her dh wants her tracked because its fun and he can see where she is what would the response be

hmm

[Joysmum]

I'm a fan of endomondo and Find Friends in our situation as I said before but your DW does have unhealthy behaviour and the apps are just feeding that. I think it needs addressing but as with any of us who have had unhealthy behaviours, we may try to minimise, or not see it that way, or see it and. It be ready to confront it. Either way, I personally would not collude in enabling it.

[TheBakeryQueen]

Tracking app aside, it comes across that you don't like your wife very much.

[ilovesooty]

I can see why you said no.

I'd have said the same. She sounds controlling to me but no way would I let anyone track me like that.

[corythatwas]

FritzDonovan Thu 01-Jun-17 00:10:25
"Your choice. But I see it as idle interest rather than stalkish behaviour"

Really? If the wife's first reaction to a negative response is "what do you have to hide", does that sound like idle interest?

[RestlessTravellerTheSequel]

I've just done a whole heap of domestic
abuse training. This app was raised as a red flag in every one. There's no way I'd have it.

[JaneJeffer]

it comes across that you don't like your wife very much.
I don't see that at all.

[sunshinesupermum]

I feel the way your DW tracks DD who is 15 and invades her privacy is very worrying. Does DD know her mother does this?

I don't know where DP is at all times of the day or night - we respect and trust each other. An app such as this is in your case with your DW asking you what you have to hide would be too controlling.

Just keep saying no.

[Changedname3456]

Yep, that would be a "hell no" from me too.

Leaving aside the stalker-lite aspects, does anyone really trust the app makers not to use the metadata for things you've not given your explicit permission? How many people read any all of the T&Cs?

[SecondMrsAshwell]

Why doesn't she take you to the vet and get you chipped?

This. Or perhaps a collar and lead.

I don't have a smartphone and all the trackers are turned off on personal computers. I do not want anyone tracking me. I wouldn't ask it of any partner of mine.

For those saying that they think he's wrong and a dick not to allow this, what if it were not your DW/DH asking this, but your boss...... Who comments that you were out late last night. Who mentions that you've been in that pub several times that week. And what were you doing on the High Street when you were supposed to be off sick?

[MattMurdock]

Regarding metadata, I turned off Google's location history because I didn't like that data existing either to be sold or stolen. I don't like the idea that my movements could be used to target advertising and it would have value to competitors to know who I am having meetings with.

Anyway we have talked I need to accept that it was a request born from anxiety rather than a lack of trust. But equally I'm not going to be doing something I am uncomfortable with.

[FatOldBag]

You sound cagey as fuck tbh. She only asked, you said no, then you backed out of a planned romantic evening as you were just sooo offended that she'd asked. You seem obsessed with not being tracked, even before your wife mentioned it, you'd turned off data tracking etc. You have an excuse for everything, "I stop often to look at a view, fix the chain"; really? A club cyclist, so into cycling but actually you stop often for a good while to sight see? Nah.

Also, you go on about your wife's trust issues when she's said nothing to indicate she has any and her behaviour with your dd and the fact that you're often out cycling suggest actually it's not about trust at all, it's about a safety net. Guilty conscience much?

[PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea]

Turning off data tracking is neither "obsessed with not being tracked" or cagey as fuck, its totally normal.

You must not have actually read the thread properly you seem to have missed several important points.

Guilty conscience? You sound paranoid as fuck, tbh. You got your man microchipped?

[BluePeppers]

Matt what comes out for me is that your dw seems to be very anxious and worried.
Up to the point where I would wonder if it's pathological.

Yes a lot of people have a Findmyphone app, a lot of people are happy with that but then few people wouod followntheir spouse or their DC the way she does.

Has she ever seen a doctor for anxiety related issue?

[BluePeppers]

MIssed your last post.
I think your dw might need some support there. It's not healthy (for her!)

[FritzDonovan]

Cory
Really? If the wife's first reaction to a negative response is "what do you have to hide", does that sound like idle interest?
Yes, note, NEGATIVE RESPONSE. No asking why it would be useful, no trial, no compromise. Just a flat out fuck no. Looks suss to me too.

[PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea]

Why shouldn't it be a flat out fuck no? Why would anyone be ok with being tracked like a fucking animal?
Are you all so desensitised to being constantly watched that you now think everyone should be tracked at all times?

[MattMurdock]

Sorry to drip feed but a bit more detail of what happened.

We aren't going to see each other much over the next 2 weeks, lots of evening commitments for both of us and she and DD are going away for the weekend tomorrow and I'm away camping with friends Friday to Sunday next week. So when I said a romantic evening I really meant sex. She had been busy getting stuff ready for her weekend then texted me to say come up in 10 minutes, as I was on my way she texted me the link with a request to install, I asked her what it was all about and she said it was so she could see where I am just as she does DD. I said no I don't think so, as I know how she watches DD, which is when she said what do I have to hide. I replied nothing and she said I could see her too, I said it feels like a huge lack of trust and rather controlling. By that point I really wasn't in the mood for sex any more.

I actually felt very hurt by the idea, when we talked further earlier she explained that she wants to see where I am when I'm away as she worries and feels it would be reassuring. My weekend is something​ I do once a year, I text her when I leave and when I arrive. I text while I'm there and when I'm on my way home.

I really don't feel I should have to be more accountable than that. I don't want her to be anxious but I don't want have to be tracked to relieve that anxiety. I shall probably capitulate or feel guilty while I'm away.

[jeaux90]

Matt if you install it all you are doing is enabling her anxiety rather than encouraging her to fix it.

And no way would I install it either and I have worked in the tech business for 20 years. This is not about being tech phobic it's about trust and privacy.

[JaneJeffer]

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you aren't entitled to privacy. If you do this, then what next? Stick to your guns!

[Voice0fReason]

I don't feel the need to know where DH is every second....
Why on earth would you need to tab someone if you trusted them?
Have you read the thread? The people who are using this are not doing it through lack of trust! Where couples are happily using this, trust really isn't an issue. They aren't checking up on each other constantly, it's a practical tool that helps.

@RestlessTraveller - this is only a red flag when it is abused in an abusive relationship. It is not an abusive behaviour in a healthy relationship with full consent and agreement from both parties.
It should never be forced or pushed if either party feels uncomfortable - just like many aspects of a grown up relationship.

Leaving aside the stalker-lite aspects, does anyone really trust the app makers not to use the metadata for things you've not given your explicit permission? How many people read any all of the T&Cs?
I take it you don't have a smart phone then! This isn't a special app that most people are using, it's Google or Apple data that your phone automatically collects. Yes you can switch off some of that functionality, but not if you want to use many of the features.

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

fatoldbag
Seriously?

You sound cagey as fuck tbh.

Yes cagey, because he doesn't want too be tracked.


Also, you go on about your wife's trust issues when she's said nothing to indicate she has any and her behaviour with your dd and the fact that you're often out cycling suggest actually it's not about trust at all, it's about a safety net. Guilty conscience much?

Yes how dare he object to feeling like he will be spied on. He most definitely has a guilty conscience.

[Nancy91]

I am not cheating and will never cheat or have anything to be guilty of, but my location services are off because I don't want to be stalked! That is so weird and I would be close to leaving my partner if he seriously suggested it.