Not happy with the idea of being tracked.

[MattMurdock]

DW wanted me to install an app so she can see where I am (and me her) at all times.

When I said I didn't like the sound of that she said why what do you have to hide.

I don't have anything to hide, but I don't feel the need to know where she is 24/7 and I don't like that she wants to be able to keep tabs on where I am.

She's saying that it was just interesting and reassuring but I feel that its controlling and shows a lack of trust.

AIBU to feel upset about it. She's saying to forget it if that's how I feel but I'm worried that if I don't install it she'll feel that I do have something to hide.

[PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea]

I'm surprised at how many people think this is perfectly normal. I'd hate it too, although my OH would never even think of such a thing.

[JaneJeffer]

It's creepy and controlling. Don't do it!

[Joysmum]

Peanutbutter I'm surprised at how anyone could think that it wasn't desirable in our situation? Seems to be pretty normal for my dh's colleagues and those with my hobby.

[MattMurdock]

Thinking back it isn't the 1st time she's suggested this kind of thing.

A few years ago she said about wanting to follow where I am while cycling, as she worries. I have the facility via my cycling computer and phone to do that I record all my rides and can set it so that my location is shared in real time. I declined as I've never had a serious incident but it's pretty common for me to stop for a while out on a ride whether to enjoy a view, eat/drink or road side repairs such as a puncture, broken chain, adjust brakes or gears, I've even once to helped push start a broken down car. What I don't want is her to panic if I'm not moving as the chances are that it would not be anything serious and I don't want a phone call checking I'm OK while trying to wrestle a tyre back on to the wheel etc. I do however wear a military style dog tag with her contact details and should the worst happen and I dropped dead in the middle of nowhere I'd rather it wasn't her that found me.

She has also suggested on several occasions that I change from Android to iPhone so she can know where all the family is at any one time I've laughed at the idea and I've declined, but that's as much about being happy with Android and not wanting to re-buy apps etc. What concerns me more is that she's obviously sought out a cross platform app so that I wouldn't need to change to an iPhone.

I am rarely late (no more than she is) but if I'm going to be more than 30 minutes late or I have a late appointment with work I text or call to let her know.

I feel very disturbed by the whole thing, we were supposed to be having a romantic evening last night but it killed it for me. I am really struggling to understand why she would want the facility unless she has trust issues. If I go out with friends I really don't want to have her monitoring which pubs I've been to and for how long etc.

Part of me feels that I need to install it so as to prove myself but I'd also want the facility to know how much she's checking as if its as much as she tracks DD then it would be a deal breaker for me.

[JaneJeffer]

I don't think she doesn't trust you. She sounds like a chronic worrier. My DM is like this. Now that everyone has mobiles it makes her even worse because if people don't answer she panics even more. So I think you're right that your wife would be more worried if you're not on the move. It's not good for her mental health.

[PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea]

Peanutbutter I'm surprised at how anyone could think that it wasn't desirable in our situation? Seems to be pretty normal for my dh's colleagues and those with my hobby

If its only turned on during your hobby time then its not odd. If you have it on the rest of the time I refer you to my previous comment.

That said, if all parties are happy with it then there is no problem. But otherwise, its starts to get very murky.

[CatThiefKeith]

Dh and I have it. Mainly because he does a job where he can't use his phone and then is driving home. He never works in the same place twice so rather than me phone him to see what time he will be home I can just have a look to see whether he is on his way.

If you don't like it though, then you are perfectly entitled to say no.

[mickyblueyes]

You obviously don't feel comfortable with the idea, so set a clear boundary and decline. Stick to your guns. Your posts sound like your trying to validate your reasons for not wanting to do as she asks, you don't need to validate anything.

Perhaps you DW is just a little insecure? Tell her in a calm manner that you don't feel comfortable with her request to track you, she has nothing to fear and you have nothing to hide, and you would appreciate it if she respects your decision.

Leave it at that. She either accepts it or she doesn't.

[corythatwas]

I would be profoundly uncomfortable with this. And I have to say, I have never seen a MN threads where posters have not been uniformly negative to the idea of a male partner's indulging his insecurities by keeping tabs on his wife. I really can't see that this is any different.

However much other posters may love their tracking apps, the OP does not: he wants privacy and imo he has the right to it. Or are we saying that women are delicate plants whose insecurities are simply different to male insecurities?

[Voice0fReason]

You either trust or you don't. Why do people need to know exactly where you are all the time?
It's not a matter of trust and I have no need to know where DH is all the time. It wouldn't trouble me in the slightest if he turned it off half the time. I trust him totally and completely.
It is useful sometimes. We don't track or keep a watch on each other, it's useful when we are meeting up or waiting for each other or for putting dinner on. My DH sometimes phones me to ask me to look for alternative routes if he is stuck in a traffic jam rather than fiddling with his satnav while he is driving.

There is nothing creepy or controlling about how we use it. There could be something creepy and controlling about it if it was used in a different way. This is the type of thing my ex would have abused - because he was controlling. It is not right for every relationship.

It's a feature on Google Maps. You don't need a different app or the same kind of phone. It's very easy to switch on and off.

[OhOneOhTwoOhThree]

We (me, DSs and DH) all have it. For various work/study/life reasons we all live in different places at the moment and - call me controlling - I just like to see where everyone is when I go to bed at night. I'm temporarily living in a different country to the rest of the family, and it helps me feel closer to them if I know where they are.

The first time I saw Find my Friends in use was when I was running a half marathon last year. I was running (slowly, towards the back) with another lady, who was a member of a running club. Her club-mates (who were all a lot faster) tracked her so they knew when to come out and cheer her towards the finish.

[chestylarue52]

Where does it end?

If they bring out a chip or app that lets you hear what someone else is thinking,

Then, why would you resist it, unless you weren't thinking bad or unfaithful things?

If I'm repeatedly late or don't text to say where I am, I'm happy for my dinner to go cold. No one, not even my (hypothetical) DP is having a tracker on me. Man alive.

[NightWanderer]

I don't think it needs to be a big deal. Many posters have said they use these apps in their families and are fine with it. Many people have said they don't like the idea of it and that's fine too. I think you need to respect the other person's viewpoint and accept that you have different feelings about this and that that's ok. If you take this issue from a perspective of she obviously doesn't trust me/he obviously has something to hide then you have a problem.

She asked, you declined, just leave it there. Don't blow this up into something it isn't.

[JaneJeffer]

OMG chesty I would be so busted if anyone could find out what I was thinking about

[MattMurdock]

She asked, you declined, just leave it there. Don't blow this up into something it isn't.

Actually she asked, I declined, she then said "why not what do you have to hide?" It's that reaction which disturbs me.

[IckleWicklePumperNickle]

Wow!

We have it set up so I can see where he is when he drives all over the country for his competitions.

I very rarely look at the app any other time.

I wouldn't use it for anything unimportant!!

[SeaEagleFeather]

I'm not sure everyone gets the concept of privacy

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Someone asked earlier how much cycling you do...

[Shoxfordian]

Yeah it's not about having something to hide. I have nothing to hide but I wouldn't agree to this.

Is she controlling in other ways Matt?

[mickyblueyes]

This is a good point..

"Is she controlling in other ways Matt?"

[heron98]

Wow, YANBU. I think that's really out of order.

It doesn't matter that you have nothing to hide, you should be allowed your own privacy.

I quite often go for weekends away on my own, etc and enjoy the fact I am by myself and my own mistress. I would not like to be tracked.

[Voice0fReason]

chestylarue52 The slippery slope argument is a logical fallacy. It's nothing like monitoring someone's thoughts with a chip!

[MissWilmottsGhost]

Do you go cycling alone OP? Maybe she just worries about you?

My DH goes mountain biking a lot. He is doing an activity where he could have a serious accident, he has come off a couple of times and once ended up in A&E. I do worry about him being injured, and because he covers a lot of miles and is gone for hours I have no idea where he is or when to expect him home.

Luckily he is a sensible guy who always goes out with a mate, never alone, so I know there is always someone there in an emergency.

If he went out alone I think I may want one of those tracking apps on his phone, so I could check he isn't lying in a ditch somewhere.

[Gah81]

I'm with pp who've said it might be that she's a worrier, not that she doesn't trust you. She sounds like she might be one of these people who, if you haven't texted for a certain period of time, instantly thinks: oh my goodness, what's happened to him! Is he dead? And gets really anxious, with her mind imagining all kinds of things.

I'd do it if DP wanted me to, but I think I would also be a bit .

[MattMurdock]

She can be a little controlling at times but more in terms of being organised than anything else

Someone asked earlier how much cycling you do...
I don't cycle every week at most I would go out twice in a week on my own mostly I ride with a club though.