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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Not happy with the idea of being tracked.

218 replies

MattMurdock · 30/05/2017 23:06

DW wanted me to install an app so she can see where I am (and me her) at all times.

When I said I didn't like the sound of that she said why what do you have to hide.

I don't have anything to hide, but I don't feel the need to know where she is 24/7 and I don't like that she wants to be able to keep tabs on where I am.

She's saying that it was just interesting and reassuring but I feel that its controlling and shows a lack of trust.

AIBU to feel upset about it. She's saying to forget it if that's how I feel but I'm worried that if I don't install it she'll feel that I do have something to hide.

OP posts:

Report

FakePlantsOnly · 05/06/2017 14:54

DP and I have something similar but that's only because he drives to and fro work and if he's late I panic.

Also on the odd occasion that he comes and picks me up from work, he never lets me know when he's left so I use it to figure out when I need to start packing all my stuff up.

To each their own, I fully understand why you wouldn't want to use it

MattMurdock · 04/06/2017 10:30

Well having spoken the thing which triggered her to suggest it now is me going away next weekend. That said if those apps drain the battery it would defeat the purpose while camping for 3 days.

We all set our boundaries and expectations and expect our partners to respect them so to an extent everybody is controlling. It's all about what is or isn't reasonable.

Anyway, we need to move on, I've missed her loads and can't wait to see her later.

OP posts:

LedaP · 04/06/2017 08:06

Why does something have to have triggered it?

People who display controlling behaviour generally escalate the behaviour over time.

If the ops wife is controlling, then she will likely try something else. Track his car, set location sharing up on his phone without his knowledge etc.

Justdontgetitatall · 04/06/2017 07:23

Well something must have triggered this Matt. Either that or it's just the novelty of it?

Justdontgetitatall · 04/06/2017 07:11

Siwd It's Find My Friends that is the tracking. Find My Phone just tracks your phone when it's lost! If you haven't disabled Find My Friends then it's still tracking you

Justdontgetitatall · 04/06/2017 07:09

Glastogal Are you French Martini B**?!?!? You didn't get back with him did you?!?!

polarolo · 04/06/2017 06:56

"His friends find it terribly intrusive".

I bet they do, to people like me it's weird as hell instead of just communicating.

Location services are also a drain on batteries, when I have mine on it vanishes within a day at least. The amount of extra electricity it uses for charging across the world must be phenomenal.

Blueskyrain · 04/06/2017 06:08

Wow, only on Mumsnet could a man declining to be stalked by his wife (and de lining to stalk her back), be described as controlling.

Men really can do no right unless they just say yes to everything shusder

Stick to your guns op. Your wife is being stalkkerish and controlling and there's no way I'd agree to it if I were you. If the genders were reversed, the woman would be told to leave her controlling and abusive husband.

toastedbeagle · 04/06/2017 00:42

I use this daily to see where my husband is. It's incredibly useful. His friends find it terribly intrusive that I like to know where my husband is, but he says he doesn't mind. He travels for business. So if at 6pm I realise he's still 200 miles away, I will eat without him. Whereas if he's in train home I will wait .

StillHungryy · 04/06/2017 00:41

Yes Fritz im sure you try to dissect and discredit all posters male and female on MN like that...

squoosh · 04/06/2017 00:30

Okay then.

FritzDonovan · 04/06/2017 00:27

Anyway I'm out. OP got what he wanted, didn't have to compromise. Got loads of validation for his outraged feelings, ignored reasons from, and was sarcastic to, pp who didn't agree. All within his rights, obviously. Just glad I'm not his DW - apologising for worrying, but getting no reassurance.

FritzDonovan · 04/06/2017 00:19

Bit of both there I think, from the reaction to the initial request.

squoosh · 04/06/2017 00:11

Wonder how much of your not wanting an app is a control thing...

Er, I'd say the person in favour of the tracking app is more deserving of being described as controlling!

FritzDonovan · 04/06/2017 00:05

You're v sarcastic about your DW (wondering if she is not going to text you to prove a point about having the app) and posters who don't agree with you (no app needed to help me time my meal). Wonder how much of your not wanting an app is a control thing...
BTW, you didn't answer which location service you were willing to put on for the one journey, because if it's the one provided on google maps it does most of those same things the other one you mentioned did anyway. Controlling....

MattMurdock · 03/06/2017 18:28

Yeah, don't get drawn into asking her why she hasn't texted you. Just ignore it and enjoy your weekend.

I don't need to as she's been in touch now, we've swapped texts about our day so all's well.

I've been working today, so I'll chill with a takeaway tonight and get out on the bike tomorrow morning.

I know roughly what time they're expected tomorrow and I'm doing a roast. If they are delayed the meat can be kept warm but I won't put the veg on until they arrive, so we'll eat about 25 minutes after they get home. No app needed to help me time our meal and I can't imagine they would want to eat as soon as they walk in the door either.

OP posts:

CheeseQueen · 03/06/2017 18:26

Funny how she is anxious about your safety but can go for a day without contacting you at all in order to make a point, isn't it? You could have gassed yourself in the kitchen for all she knows. Perhaps not that anxious about your safety after all.

Yep!

CheeseQueen · 03/06/2017 18:21

And if she's not texting you to say she's arrived safely purely so she can make a point, then that is downright manipulative.

This. How horrible of her, you just know that she could say something like "well, if you let me put the tracker on, you'd have known I'd got there safely."
She's definitely playing games, don't put up with that shit - I'd just send a text saying "hope you're there safely now" and then doing no more and getting on with my day.

LiveLongAndProspero · 03/06/2017 17:56

If you RTFT you would already know the answer to that.

PollytheDolly · 03/06/2017 17:29

Is she anxious/worrier?

jeaux90 · 03/06/2017 17:21

Actually I'm not sure you can win. If you ask why she didn't say she text to let you know (a common courtesy) then she'll mention the app. If you don't ask then clearly you don't care. No win for you. (I'm totally against the app)

HmmOkay · 03/06/2017 17:08

Yeah, don't get drawn into asking her why she hasn't texted you. Just ignore it and enjoy your weekend.

Funny how she is anxious about your safety but can go for a day without contacting you at all in order to make a point, isn't it? You could have gassed yourself in the kitchen for all she knows.

Perhaps not that anxious about your safety after all.

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squoosh · 03/06/2017 17:06

So creepy. It would be a flat out 'no' from me too OP. No I have nothing to hide but I do not need to be remotely monitored by technology. How claustrophobic.

Smart phones are really nurturing the inner stalker.

Sn0tnose · 03/06/2017 17:02

And if she's not texting you to say she's arrived safely purely so she can make a point, then that is downright manipulative.

Sn0tnose · 03/06/2017 16:59

If it works for other people and all parties are happy with it, then good for them, but it certainly wouldn't work for me and I'd be really cross if my DH suggested it so he could track my movements. It comes across as extremely controlling and would make me think my marriage had serious problems.

You say how she checks your daughter's belongings, does she do the same with you? Does she ask for passwords etc?

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