Kissed someone else last night! How do I tell him?

[DoIWannaKnow]

Name changed as I'm honestly mortified with myself.

Basically as the title, I kissed someone else on a night out last night. More than just a drunken snog on the dance floor (not that, that would even be ok) but it was a proper, could have gone somewhere kiss. I'm disgusted with myself. I've never cheated before and honestly never thought I would.
I was really really drunk, I know that's not a excuse or anything. I'm just trying to make sense of it in my head.

I know I need to tell him, he's due back with our dd soon, but I just don't know what to say to him.
Do I just come out with it? Do I give him all the details? He knows who the guy is, not a friend or anything. I'm a bit worried if I tell him, he might go hit him or something stupid and get himself in trouble though.

Yes you have fucked up. And yes,I think you do need to tell him. Sit him done and tell him gently. You don't want someone to tell him for you.
Think about how you would feel if he had kissed else.
Would you want to know?

Is he likely to find out from anyone else?

If not I'd stay quiet. No harm was done and you won't do it again.

Yes unless he could find out from someone else I'd be inclined not to mention it

Where was he when it happened?

I played that over in my mind Green and Paper but I don't know if someone saw me or that the guy might tell someone who knows him. Plus I feel too guilty and once I'm not hungover he'll know something's wrong.

I he won't find out from anyone else I don't think you should tell him

Straight up tell him, if you don't tell him you'll project guilt in how you act and he'll know something is up. Yeah he'll probably leave you and that's completely fair if he chooses to but you have to be honest.

He was home last night with our dd Former
Yes I'd want to know, but it would probably be the end of our relationship if he'd done it!

Sorry but there's clearly something wrong with your relationship if you did it in the first place. You need to talk, there's obviously more issues than this.

It's difficult, but, I think he should know. Make it clear you were really drunk and feel shit.
I don't think it is something you should hide.

Are you mortified enough never to do it again?

How are things generally between you & DH?

If they answers are 'God yes' & 'Really good'. Then suck it up buttercup & live with the guilt. Don't inflict this on your DH.

If you feel you may well do it again or things aren't good with DH then stop & look at your life properly & deal with the problems.

Seems likely you should tell him, you seem pretty screwed as it's someone he knows, seems likely they'd be with other people he may know, or random people he knows may have seen and tbh as it's someone he knows it may seem worse because it's more personal and the " what if something else has happened during X time"

It is also a bit hypocritical that if he did it it would end your relationship.

Don't say a bloody word. Yes, you made a mistake, but you recognise this and won't repeat it. It's not worth losing your relationship over.

You were drunk. I bet the OM was too. If anyone ever suggests that it happened, deny deny deny.

It's going to look a lot worse if it comes out later - although I suppose you could then try "I was too mortal to remember that," if you think you could keep a poker face on.

Be prepared for the ton of shit that (rightly) will follow. He is going to feel betrayed, hurt, angry.. and if your reaction would be to leave him for similar then you have to be prepared that he may feel the same.

BTW, in light of this, you may want to rethink how you'd react to this kind of drunken snog on his part. Clearly it's something that can happen without (I assume) any underlying intention to cheat and/or problems in the relationship and so therefore may be a little more understandable than you'd have previously thought.

Have you not been happy in your relationship? Surely if you were happy you wouldn't have risked your relationship like this? I think you should tell him, you'd want to know if it was the other way round.

Don't tell him.
If he ever finds out ( unlikely ) just deny it or say it was a drunken quick kiss. Play it down.
Just don't do it again, because next time you could go further.

Pretty disgusted by all the people saying not to tell him. Not sure what happened to respect for your partner but some people clearly don't have it. If you love him and/or respect him you have to tell him. No way around it relationships work on honesty and openness. Cheating and not being honest about it will do more damage in the long run then telling him now.

If anyone ever suggests that it happened, deny deny deny.
I.e. follow "The Script"

I really don't trust the guy not to say something to be honest. Plus there was people in the club we both knew and I'm not sure if someone saw me leave with him. That sounds worse than it is, didn't go home with him, just outside.

Don't tell. You aren't going to do it again and all you will do is make two people upset. You will feel no less guilty

Can you speak to the person involved? I think it might be an idea to warn him if he's about to get beaten up. Plus if he's not planning on telling your oh then do you really need to confess?

Do you want to stay in the relationship? If you do then I'd keep quiet and take your chances.

And I can't lie! He'd know the second I tried.

Why did it happen? I'm not excusing it at all, but shit like that doesn't happen without a back story. I feel sorry for your DP.

Being pissed is not an excuse!