Kissed someone else last night! How do I tell him?

[DoIWannaKnow]

Name changed as I'm honestly mortified with myself.

Basically as the title, I kissed someone else on a night out last night. More than just a drunken snog on the dance floor (not that, that would even be ok) but it was a proper, could have gone somewhere kiss. I'm disgusted with myself. I've never cheated before and honestly never thought I would.
I was really really drunk, I know that's not a excuse or anything. I'm just trying to make sense of it in my head.

I know I need to tell him, he's due back with our dd soon, but I just don't know what to say to him.
Do I just come out with it? Do I give him all the details? He knows who the guy is, not a friend or anything. I'm a bit worried if I tell him, he might go hit him or something stupid and get himself in trouble though.

Thanks Everything I'm not feeling brave though. I'm feeling like I made mistake and should have kept quite.
I don't know where my boyfriends gone or if he's going to come home. I don't want to ask any of his friends or his family, because I can't say why he's gone off. I'm at least thinking he can't go far without his wallet, although he probably had some money in his pocket.

Oh dear.
Does he know where that guy lives?

Is there a difference between a drunken snog and a kiss that could go somewhere? Probably the same surely.

I would forgive a drunken kiss. I mean yeah i would be seriously pissed off and shouting and swearing but i would eventually forgive.
I could not forgive being told by someone else and even worse OH trying to deny it. It's the lying and the assumption I'm that stupid that would end it for me.

I don't know Whisky

I meant it wasn't just a brief, thing on the dance floor Badliar not sure how to distinguish the two, but it felt more like cheating than what just a drunken kiss would do.

If you're kissing someone else you don't have much of a relationship.

Hopefully he'll forgive you and you can move on. Fingers crossed for you.

Wow, comments harsh. I've done stuff with other people whilst in my LTR. So has my OH. Both more than once. Still in our relationship. Happy. Love each other. Been together a decade and a half. We don't bloody lie to each other about it though. Life happens, people are fallible, at no point have I ever sat down with my oh and pledged to him some kind of solemn promise that I'm never going to look st another man nor has he ever told me he won't jump on whoever he pleases. I don't think you can promise that, because it's a big fat lie for a start.

Just keep talking, OP, and I hope some people here can get some perspective....

Some binary thinking in here, for mine. Humans are - and life is - a lot more complex than some are making out.

As I have already said, I don't think you should have said anything but, now you have, I wish you all the best and hope you both can work things through. Don't stress too often to your partner how much of a dick this guy is. That will just make him feel worse for me.

Thoughts are with you.

Well done on telling him. Maybe because you was honest so quickly that will go in your favour.

I hope he's just gone to cool down for a while and he reappears later in order for the two of you O talk it out. Good luck

Well done on telling him.

All the people saying not to tell him can't be serious?
How can these people ever be trusted if they can't be honest with those they should love most in the world when they've betrayed them? (No matter how intentional or unintentional it is, even if you were blind drunk, it was YOU who decided to drink so much, so regardless of the circumstances of the kiss you put yourself in that position and how these people think that gives you a get out of jail free card I don't know.)

You made a mistake, and I don't know if I'd be able to forgive you if I were him. But all I can say is, you did the right thing telling him, and if he is ever to trust you again then over the next few hours, days, weeks, months you have to prove without doubt that your commitment to him is solid.

Never speak to that other guy again, in ANY way, shape, or form.

And never get blind drunk again, I don't know why people do it tbh.

I hope you can make it work, but anything less than real effort on your part to make up for what you've done and your family will be broken forever for getting drunk.

Hardly worth it is it?

PurpleTraitor please only speak for yourself. A lot of us do make that promise and stick to that promise and can be trusted not to sleep with other people. It's a commitment you must not be fond of, but it exists. The OP had that commitment in her and knows her partner has it in him, and that's why she feels guilt. Mistakes can happen, and she's realised that a life like yours isn't what she wants, or expects from herself or her partner.

You post is ott in my view, usernameinvalid. You appear to think op has committed an act of treason. My father cheated on my mother and had a child as a consequence. They got through it.

People are human and fallible. A kiss is only what you attach to it. I'd feel guilty if I did the same but, for me, I wouldn't assuage that guilt by dragging my partner into it.

It seems to be split on here. It quite interesting.

You did the right thing telling him, can you imagine if he had found out from someone else? Let him calm down and hopefully you can sort things out with him.

Myusernameisinvalid I did only speak for myself.

'I've done stuff with other people'
'At no point have I ever sat down with my oh and'
'I don't think you can promise that'

I don't think you can promise. Just like I don't think you can promise to love someone forever etc because I don't think you can promise a feeling! But I know there are people that do think you can. And they try.

But yeah, still only speaking for myself. It just wouldn't be a big deal in my house.

Well done for telling him, very brave move to make. I hope it all works out.

I don't think you can promise that, because it's a big fat lie for a start

You can't promise never to feel something for anyone else, true. But acting on it is a choice, which you can promise not to make. Don't judge everyone else by your own standards!

Well he's come home, so that's a good sign I think!
He's been at the gym, so he's getting a shower and then he said he'll get dd ready for bed and we can talk after.

My momentary relief that he's come home and is ok, as now turned to dread that I'm actually going to have to talk to him about it.

Hope it gets sorted.

Really would NOT have listened to those saying 'tell him'. It was JUST a kiss ffs. A drunken kiss.

Would you best friend advise to tell him? No, of course not. But the MN majority is so judgemental, its really not somewhere I would come for advice that would affect the rest of my life.

Now he is hurt and may never trust you again. You would have forgotten about the silly kiss in a few weeks and would have just got on with your life, its not like you risked your DH's sexual health or anything . MN is great for many, many things, but this type of scenario posted on here makes me shudder.

Your are right, reading the fat lie bit back it doesn't read how I wanted it to, it's much more nuanced than that. I know what I meant but didn't put it across right. It's not the place for it, anyway - OP I am glad he is home. Just keep talking, because although it's not a good thing for your relationship, being honest and saying what you have here, giving him the information he asks for, no more, no less, could end up being a positive experience in terms of understanding one another, as well as your own motivations.

Good luck OP. Be honest and apologetic and hopefully you can work it out.