Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
weatherbomb · 13/05/2017 00:09

So sorry you're going through this OP. His excuses are utter shite. Anyway a taxi could leave his belongings next to his car at the premier inn?? You've dodged a lifetime of misery there even if it might not feel like that right now. Stay strong. For you GinFlowers

ohforfoxsake · 13/05/2017 00:10

Please take a look on here for 'The Script' and it will prepare you for his response (I can't remember it exactly but it's all there).

Sounds to me like he's started already... he's backed into a corner and is coming out fighting with his defensiveness, calling you crazy. This will all be in your imagination/your fault. And even if he can't worm his way out he will minimise, say 'nothing happened' or 'it was just the once'. Whatever.

You'll be able to smell the bullshit.

Lucy was Luke in XH's phone. It's fucking shit and oh so fucking predictable.

Sorry OP. Flowers

Wondermoomin · 13/05/2017 00:11

If it's any consolation (and sorry, I know it's probably not) - I don't think he's a 'seasoned' adulterer. What kind of adulterous idiot doesn't disable the preview function on text messages? I think he's foolishly taken up some opportunities. Still a cunt.

Original poster
backscratcher · 13/05/2017 00:22

We have Facebook accounts. I'm rarely on there - he always is. We're 'friends'. I've just checked and I can no longer see him. Does this mean he's blocked me?

OP posts:
SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 13/05/2017 00:23

It could be he's deletes his fb account op. Try searching for him on Facebook, if you can't then he's either deleted his account or blocked you x

VimFuego101 · 13/05/2017 00:26

It could be either, get a friend to find him or set up a new account if you want to know for sure.

mustiwearabra · 13/05/2017 00:28

Get one of your friends to check but it sounds like he's possibly blocked you.

UnicornSparkles1 · 13/05/2017 00:28

Deleted his FB entirely or he's unfriended/blocked you. Is there anyone you can ask to check? Either way I'd say it's more evidence of his cunty behaviour.

UnicornSparkles1 · 13/05/2017 00:29

Oh yes, set up a new empty account and see if you can find him.

Lillygolightly · 13/05/2017 00:31

Oh gosh, this guy is a real snake in the grass....

Yes, he has deleted or blocked you from his Facebook as no doubt 'David' was on his Facebook and made comments or liked photos etc or he's commented or liked things of hers. Now that you've been alerted he is desperately scrabbling round to hide any evidence that may rumble his secret all together and also reveal who David really is.

Possible that David doesn't have a clue you exist?? Couldn't risk deleting her as she would ask why and it would suspicious so he blocked you instead. A possibility to consider maybe.

Sorry OP this just gets worse for you.

HildaOg · 13/05/2017 00:31

Set up a fake fb account and search for him. If you find him, he's blocked you

KitNCaboodle · 13/05/2017 00:32

He's either deleted his account or blocked you. Ask someone he wouldn't suspect to check.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. As a pp said the fact he denies any knowledge about French martinis shows he is lying.

alphajuliet123 · 13/05/2017 00:34

Go into your friend list and scroll down to look for him (a name search won't work). If it's there click on it, he might have just deactivated it.

If he's not showing on your list, look him up via a mutual friend's list. If you can't see him there either, and a search comes up with nothing, he might well have blocked you...

Alpies · 13/05/2017 00:35

Oh dear! This is not looking good OP. I had a similar situation once and I got deleted so I couldn't see any 'evidence'.

He is prob going to give u some pathetic excuse about how he deleted u because he was so angry that u obviously don't trust him and turn it into how u r just crazy and paranoid and it's all ur fault and all in ur head.

What a douche!

whorecoathanger · 13/05/2017 00:37

Sorry Back Sad

MrsChopper · 13/05/2017 00:41

I bet he has a whole lotta evidence of his shit cheating behaviour on Facebook, so has either blocked you or deleted it to hide everything.

Also he is clearly trying to initiate an argument to have an excuse to stop out overnight.

Hope you're ok, OP.

YouWhatMate · 13/05/2017 00:42

On facebook, if a person deletes their account, you can still see them by searching your friends list. The profile picture will be blank and when you click the name, it will give you a message saying the account has been deactivated. If he isn't in your friends list at all, then he's blocked you.

It's suspect either way.

Tumblethumps · 13/05/2017 00:45

Stay strong OP! It's small consolation but at least you found out now before you went ahead and had a baby with him.
You're going to feel crap for a while but he's the one who's lost out. Flowers

Theycalledmethewildrose · 13/05/2017 00:47

My guess is he is clearing all his electronic identity. The message will have been deleted from his phone too.

I hope 'David' isn't some woman you already know.

innagazing · 13/05/2017 00:48

He's trying to work out how much you know and whether you know who the OW is!
Maybe he's blocked you, as the ow is a facebook friend of his and you would be able to contact her.
I think it's going to turn out to be someone you know unfortunately

Alpies · 13/05/2017 00:51

We r going to need a second thread soon.

I hope ur ok OP. Think positive and stay strong x

Wondermoomin · 13/05/2017 00:55

This is his feeble attempts to cover his tracks. What a cock.

Original poster
backscratcher · 13/05/2017 00:56

His account has been deactivated.
His phone is ringing but he's not answering.
I've put a load of his clothes in 2 binbags and put them outside. I'vetext him to say that his stuff is outside and he can go and stay with David. I've left the keys in both the front and the back door.
I'm turning my phone off now.

For a bunch of vipers, you lot aren't half bad. Thank you all x
I'm going to finish this drink and then scream into my pillow and try not to turn my phone on until morning. x

OP posts:
mustiwearabra · 13/05/2017 00:58

You're an incredibly tough cookie. Try to get even a few hours of sleep and enjoy the last of your drink.

Original poster
backscratcher · 13/05/2017 01:02

I don't feel tough :-(
Running on adrenaline (and alcohol). The crash is coming soon.
How could he do this to me? To my daughter. To us.
I'm trying not to think too much about who she is at the moment. But I know I'll start obsessing. I've been here before. I've done all this shit.

OP posts: