Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

[backscratcher]

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

Backscratcher I'm so sorry, but also very very glad you know.

You aren't innocently waking up at your sister's, dropping him a text to say what a great night you had, reading his lying reply about how he's knackered after the late shift and see you later (or maybe not, three word replies to texts wasn't it!)

You aren't still planning to get pregnant by a cheat and make him your DD's stepdad.

You've escaped a future messy break-up and heartbreak for your DD when she's even older and even more aware.

You sound so strong. I can't imagine picking myself up, going out for the night so as not to let family down, getting myself back together and functioning and being so strong when in such shock.

Your DD is one lucky girl to have a mother she can look up to as such a great example of strength, courage, and knowing right from wrong.

No idea what today holds so just wishing you strength. I personally think he'll be desperately trying to work out if there's a way round this one and may well turn up and try and front it out by continuing the 'out with the lads' story.

He will DEFINITELY -whatever the approach - try and gaslight and guilt you, as that was his go-to tactic earlier when in a fix. 'Fine, right, fuck you then, can't believe all this over a joke text, you don't want to believe I was out with the boys, I'm not going to grovel, yes I got rid of FB last night coz I thought you were going to post some shit on there, I don't even care about FB and I was too upset - IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT we're splitting' etc. Fine - let him! Laugh at it. Bye-bye.

Can I just say - BANK STUFF. Or rather, shout. BANK STUFF!!!! If you share any accounts FGS lock them NOW or move your cash. Yes, in the same way theat they aren't the type to ever cheat, you'd never think they'll clean out the joint account... until they so. He has to find somewhere to live now remember. SECURE YOUR MONEY.

Thinking of you today

Oops just read on another thread that you can only have 40 pages which this thread has already

I can't believe the cowardly shit hasn't been in touch.

I hope you're OK, OP. Make sure you have a cup of tea and some toast, especially if you've been on the wine last night.

Hope you have managed to get some sleep. Even if you don't feel like eating, try and have a little something and keep hydrated. You are stronger than you think you are and he is a scumbag!

So very sorry op, believe us all when so many of us say we do know how you feel, it doesn't feel like a blessing to find out this way but believe me it beats months of snooping etc , and you do know at least that he is useless at reacting in a sensible way even in the remote possibility that it wasn't what it seemed, a decent guy would have been coming straight back and said to you , 'hey this is a big misunderstanding, I'm so sorry you are upset, I get why you are upset, where are you , let's talk'

Whattheactualfudge the op referred to both her parents earlier in the thread, that was the only reason I suggested it. I would have suggested her sister but as she was drinking last night I thought her parents would have been available to come over quicker.

I am sorry for your loss, I would never suggest that to anyone else without knowing their situation.

If you want my honest opinion, I don't think this is someone he knows that well, the text is quite formal in a way, I have a feeling he might have met once before or so and it might be internet dating. If you have access to his email , you might want to go through deleted and trash for sign ins etc, it's all a bit late I know but sometimes I know you feel you need answers. I think deleting FB may be because he thought you were going to trash him on it

What a fucking coward. Perhaps take comfort in the fact he hasn't come home last night so you at least have a little while to gather your thoughts and can plan what you are going to do when he does inevitably come back.
When is your DD home?
You're doing well OP.

I could weep for you OP.

Knowing your past just makes it even more heartbreaking.

I'd take some time away from men and have some lovely times with your DD. When you do eventually meet a decent man hecwill treat you how you deserve.

I'm so sorry.

Just caught up with this. I'm so sorry.

I dated someone who cheated. He made me feel like it was all in my head, like I was making it up, he was very manipulative and deceptive but I convinced myself that he loved me.

I've bumped into him a few times over the years since, every time he has "just split with yet another psycho ex".

He's now 40, looks like shite and with a string of failed relationships behind him, living with his mum again. Funnily enough all of the "psycho ex's" (of which I assume I am one) are all happily settled down!

Massive hugs to you. Don't forget to empty a tin of tuna into all of the bags of clothes before you pop them outside for him xx

He text my sister to ask if I was there... She told him that I'd gone home last night - needless to say she was very confused and concerned that something had happened to me... He then text me to tell me he was on his way home and did I want him to bring us in some breakfast...

I text back to say that I hoped he had cash on him as I'd cleared the joint account since it's my money in it anyway.
No reply to that. I'm not phoning him. He can go fuck himself.
The bags are still out front. The rest of his stuff will be out there later too.
My sister is on her way round.

Thank you all so much for your messages of support. I don't feel strong and have spent the morning crying my eyes out.

Well done OP. So glad your sister is going to be there with you to help you see through his shot.

I'm so glad you've got your sister coming round. You've been so strong and handled it brilliantly. Now make sure you take some time for yourself.

I'm so angry on your behalf. Your posts are heartbreaking. Glad your sister is on her way. There is always support for you here lots of it

Nothing sensible to say other than so far you have been incredibly brave, clear headed and capable. You have behaved with dignity in an awful situation and you should be very proud of yourself. Really. Another big hug from me.

God, your amazing! Many people was have second guessed themselves and dithered you have drawn a line on how you should be treated, been smart enough to clear the joint account and put your keys in the lock. I'm so glad your sister is coming over, I hope she can send him away with his stuff and give you all support you need. Stay strong, you got this xxx

So glad you have your sister on her way for some support.

Your heart is breaking right now, but you're strong and can get through this. Massive hugs

Such a shame for you. I feel so bad for you.
You have been strong. Of course you will cry but in time you will see this is for the best. I can't believe his audacity.

Ah. What an arse. You deserve so much more op.

Just read the entire thread op. I am so sorry. What a piece of shit he is. I can't believe he stayed out with 'David' even after he knew you knew.

Well done OP! You are one strong woman and such a role model to DD!

I hope DSis is as strong as you and give him some good grief before he leaves! Just make sure he takes everything in one go then use that money from the joint account to get the locks changed.

❤❤❤

Well done op. You are being so strong and you deserve so much better. The only good thing is that you saw the message before your lives were more intertwined and complicated.