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Original poster

Tell me there's an innocent explanation for this...

999 replies

backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:00

Talk me down please.

Been with dp almost 3 years. Lovely guy, good relationship, no doubts whatsoever about him. Both in our late 30s, live together, I have one child from previous relationship. We're happy.

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday. Small party/family meal has been planned - details confirmed about 2 weeks ago. I discussed with dp who said he couldn't make it as he had to work overtime tomorrow and wouldn't be finished until late. Was unsure at what time exactly, but would be late. Overtime isn't uncommon in his workplace, but he doesn't tend to pick it up. We don't need the overtime money. Not well off, but not struggling - managing ok. I thought nothing of it.

Tonight he's gone upstairs for a bath and left his phone on charge in the kitchen. Phone buzzed with a message. It's an iphone where part of the message shows up on the homescreen but it's password protected and I don't know the password. Message said "6:30 suits me. XXXXXX does great french martinis!! ;-) Are you coming straight..." It was from David. I don't know a David. I don't know that he is friends with a David.
I googled the XXXXX place and it's a pub/restaurant place about a 40 minute drive away.

This was about an hour and a half ago.
He's in bed now and I'm sitting here shaking.

Please talk me down. This is innocent, right?

:-(

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 11/05/2017 23:19

I'll put money on it being an affair, sorry :(

How soundly does he sleep? If he sleeps soundly enough I'd just put his finger/thumb on the home button, then when you're in, add your own thumb print in settings.

Then I'd go through his messages and take note of 'David's number.

Then if he is seeing someone else I'd turn up at the place 10 minutes after they've arranged to meet & let her know she's welcome to him. Very quietly, as I'm not one to make a scene.

QueenMortificado · 11/05/2017 23:20

Where abouts are you OP? I'm sure that if a mumsnetter is nearby she'd be pleased to go past at that time!

It doesn't sound good in afraid. I've never heard of men drinking French martinis. Unless it's a wind up / some kind of standing joke from a friend of his?

The other option is to call his place of work tomorrow when he's meant to be there under the premise of an emergency and then find out if he is actually working or not?

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 11/05/2017 23:21

You need to get someone to be there tomorrow that you trust or admit tp your sister so your kid can still go and go yourself.

Original poster
backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:21

Lily, I'm not sure - I have a Samsung phone.

He's never given me reason to distrust him before.
His work does certain shifts - the overtime shift he's picked up would usually finish at 10:30pm. I said that he could come and join us afterwards for a drink etc. He said that the shift might over-run as they have lots of work to get through so he didn't know what time he'd be back, and that he'd need to go home and shower/change first, he'd be tired etc etc...

I should have added in my first post that it's already been arranged that some of us are stopping over at my sister's house (my daughter is with her dad this weekend) so I won't even know what time he comes home at, or if he comes home grimey from work or smell of french fucking martinis.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 11/05/2017 23:23

Well if your daughters at her dads id most definitely tell my sister and go to the place they are meant to meet.

Cricrichan · 11/05/2017 23:23

What time does your sister's do start?

BifsWif · 11/05/2017 23:24

Tell your sister you will be late, explain why, and go to that bar.

123rd · 11/05/2017 23:24

Can you ask a friend to swing by the place that was arranged as the meeting place? I wouldn't be able to leave it as is. Sorry.

QueenMortificado · 11/05/2017 23:25

I'm really sorry OP, but judging by your latest update if he is planning on driving 40 mins away, drinking French martinis and knowing you won't be home.... is there any chance he's planning on not coming home either?

MuvaWifey77 · 11/05/2017 23:26

I would ask to use his phone and go on WhatsApp and check the name and pic match. I would also not bring it up, men lie so well and just make even more stuff up. Show up at the time .
Ps:. Did u see a date? Could it be 6:30 , place another day... ?

Original poster
backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:27

Phoning his workplace is a good idea Queen.

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 11/05/2017 23:27

It doesn't look good so far Flowers

You can't go to the meal - you wouldn't be able to relax anyway.

Use every ounce of your will to act normal until the day. Either turn up at the restaurant or get a trusted friend to do it if you can't face it. Good luck.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 11/05/2017 23:28

Sorry OP but no David ever cared about French martinis. Your instincts are right, the message was from a woman.

TheHobbitMum · 11/05/2017 23:28

I agree with Queen OP, sorry but it sounds very much like a female texting and he's not going to drive 40mins away, drink those French martinis then drive home! It appears he's planning on staying there, even more so now he knows you aren't going to be home. I'd have to keep quiet and check out the bar he's meeting at, it doesn't look good though sadly

Inertia · 11/05/2017 23:28

I'd let your sister know that you might be late to her event as something urgent has cropped up with your DP, then I'd go along to the pub.

troodiedoo · 11/05/2017 23:28

Do you have the number still? If you enter it on face book search you might get a result, think I've seen that mentioned on here.

BifsWif · 11/05/2017 23:29

But if he's not at work and you ask him, he'll just say they got finished/overtime was cancelled and he went for a drink with a friend/went home and fell asleep. You'll be one the wiser.

BifsWif · 11/05/2017 23:29

none*

PoorYorick · 11/05/2017 23:30

Yes, check his workplace. Good luck OP.

Original poster
backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:30

I'm not meeting my sister and family until 7:30. It's a meal in a restaurant with family, some of her close friends, then back to hers for a few drinks etc and I've planned to stay over.

His shift would usually finish at 3, but he's taken on the late shift too, which would finish at 10:30 usually.
It's in a factory though - if he was going out, he'd have to come home to change first surely?
And I can't imagine that he'd drive if he was going to a pub because he likes a drink and would want to drink if he was meeting anyone in a pub.

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 11/05/2017 23:30

He saw the opportunity of knowing you'd be out of the way for a specific time/date/overnight and made his own plans. Bet he's staying out too op. Sorry.

He has lied about overtime. David is not a male friend.

cosytoaster · 11/05/2017 23:31

Sorry OP but I really can't think of any innocent explanation for this, it screams fledgling affair to me. I'd also be tempted to go and see what is happening.

Original poster
backscratcher · 11/05/2017 23:32

troodie - the message just came up with the name, not the number. I can't get into his iphone to get the number.

OP posts:
Tiredemma · 11/05/2017 23:32

I can't think of any innocent reasoning for this

unapaloma · 11/05/2017 23:33

Is there a reason that you're sure its about tomorrow? It could be the end of a dialogue about meeting up with someone next week? Does he have old school/ uni friends that he meets occasionally? Someone said a straight man wouldn't make that comment about French martinis, but even if that's so, could he have a gay friend, who he's having a catch up with?
I think there are other explanations than an affair, and unless you know for sure for some reason that it was about tmrw, I would not leap to that conclusion.
Not sure what I'd advise you to do about it tho! Maybe ask who David is, say truthfully that you saw the message come up, and couldn't place who it was? If you make sure you can see his face clearly, his reaction would tell you quite a bit I think.