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Original poster

Angry husband, what he hiding?

212 replies

Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 07:55

My DH has been extra special lovely this last few days so was really looking forward to last night, glass of wine after DC went to bed. He said he needed to get some cash out for haircut first thing tomorrow but when I said I already had some in he could take he started making up reasons to still need to go tonight - none sensible. Then I said could he just stay in for one evening without going to the shop or the ATM and he absolutely exploded. He goes out during DCs bath time to run a errand 2/3 nights a week and then often goes out to run a 2nd after their bedtime while I'm cooking. I'm starting to get paranoid and judging by his reaction I think I may be right. DS woke up and so we both had a moment to step back so when DH returned I said sod it walk to the shop & get the cash, not sure how much I have a anyway (lie) and he went into stroppy toy taken off toddler mode. Won't go at all now etc etc WTF? I know him, angry attack is his defensive response. Any suggestions on how to recover the long weekend (he decided to sleep on the sofa) and get to the bottom of this?

OP posts:
mumonashoestring · 29/04/2017 07:59

If it's a walk to the shops then I'm guessing it doesn't take too long. Smoking?

Hellobye · 29/04/2017 07:59

It does sound weird. How long is he gone for?

WateryTart · 29/04/2017 08:00

He's up to something, OP. Sorry, I suspect he wants to phone someone without you overhearing.

oleoleoleole · 29/04/2017 08:00

Ask him outright if he's hiding something. Also ask why he feels the need to disappear at bath time etc. But before that try and check his phone. Ask him to let you see it. You'll know by his response if there's something he's trying to hide.

Hellobye · 29/04/2017 08:01

What's his reason for doing two errands in the evening?

TheNaze73 · 29/04/2017 08:02

I think he just needs to be alone with his thoughts for a few minutes. He's weak for not telling you this because of the reaction he'll think he'll get

Original poster
Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 08:04

10-20'mins each time, depending on where he goes. He always come back with whatever he went for. No smell of smoking. It's not long enough for an illicit meeting even. I've tried making sure we have everything h could possibly want in but he still finds reason to go, example: fancied a different chocolate bar to his favourite I bought

OP posts:
befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 08:05

How long is he gone for? Minutes hours?

Alcoholic? Dealing drugs? Selling stuff? Struggling so needs his own space?

It's really odd to explode about something so trivial

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 08:06

Is he getting out of family responsibilities?

RJnomore1 · 29/04/2017 08:06

Maybe he just likes the fresh air and headspace. Ask?

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 08:07

I think you could take yourself off for something and see if he reacts.

ivykaty44 · 29/04/2017 08:08

Does he take his phone with him?
Does he keep his phone close at all times?

Launderetta · 29/04/2017 08:10

Try to call him when he's out - have a reason ready to reduce the anger. If it's engaged, it's not good. (Unless his phone can handle 2 incoming calls in which case forget this)
I'm sorry but I don't have a good feeling about this, i hope I'm wrong. Good luck.

ScarletForYa · 29/04/2017 08:10

Texting or phoning another woman?

Hellobye · 29/04/2017 08:11

The only two people I know who are always finding reasons to escape for short periods of time are smokers, one of them a weed smoker who does a quick deal.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:11

Could he be secretly phoning someone? Next time, before he goes hide his phone and then when he can't find it, see if he still bothers to go or not. It does sound very odd.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:11

Could he be secretly phoning someone? Next time, before he goes hide his phone and then when he can't find it, see if he still bothers to go or not. It does sound very odd.

haveacupoftea · 29/04/2017 08:14

It does sound like he's up to something although tbf if DH commented on me going to the shop for ten minutes I think I'd be raging as well.

Agree a good starting point is trying to ring him when he's out tonight, ask him to bring you something.

tabbykitt · 29/04/2017 08:20

Hide his phone in advance, then see if he gets cross looking for it before he goes on his little trip out.

notusualmnname · 29/04/2017 08:24

Sounds similar to my alcoholic ex but that would be more frequent.

Sounds similar also to my own bulimic behaviour but that would be for longer.

Maybe he genuinely does just need and appreciate his evening walks? If it was for illicit calls/texts then (I guess) other things would be going on too that would require more time than just a walk to the shop.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2017 08:24

It's not long enough for an illicit meeting even

Yes it is.

See if you can lay your hands on his phone.

Do you know any passwords or usernames he might use on a family laptop or computer or his phone? Look for hookup sites.

How much cash does he withdraw usually, or does he take cash out at point of purchase frequently?

blueskyinmarch · 29/04/2017 08:26

Does he have an office job and/or a long commute to work? I know my DH has ants in his pants when he gets in from work and likes to get out for 20/30 minutes if he can. He goes for a run or takes the dog out. In the winter he often just goes for a bath. Your DH possibly just needs time to unwind on his own after a long day?

ImperialBlether · 29/04/2017 08:26

My bet would be that he's calling someone.

GhostlyAbode · 29/04/2017 08:27

From my own experience it's means something. What he is hiding - smoking, calling another woman, need to be alone only he can answer.

For me and the majority of others in this situation it meant calls / face time meetings with the OW.

Catch him out - often the only way to force the issue.

TheElephantofSurprise · 29/04/2017 08:28

It's not long enough for an illicit meeting even Yes it is.

My thought entirely. Long enough to meet for a snog or a quick shag. Don't trust him at all. Watch, search, don't have unprotected sex.