Angry husband, what he hiding?

[Carrotpuree]

My DH has been extra special lovely this last few days so was really looking forward to last night, glass of wine after DC went to bed. He said he needed to get some cash out for haircut first thing tomorrow but when I said I already had some in he could take he started making up reasons to still need to go tonight - none sensible. Then I said could he just stay in for one evening without going to the shop or the ATM and he absolutely exploded. He goes out during DCs bath time to run a errand 2/3 nights a week and then often goes out to run a 2nd after their bedtime while I'm cooking. I'm starting to get paranoid and judging by his reaction I think I may be right. DS woke up and so we both had a moment to step back so when DH returned I said sod it walk to the shop & get the cash, not sure how much I have a anyway (lie) and he went into stroppy toy taken off toddler mode. Won't go at all now etc etc WTF? I know him, angry attack is his defensive response. Any suggestions on how to recover the long weekend (he decided to sleep on the sofa) and get to the bottom of this?

why would he go out to message though?

I think this sounds very odd, as it is always at the same times plus if he needed air, why twice a night for 10-20 min rather than once? And why angry when you gave him money so he didn't need to pop out?

At the very least he needs to be honest- I need some time out.

I suspect more though as it's actually quite inconvenient for one parent to pop out twice a night at certain times.

I had a friend whose 'boyfriend' could only call her after 11pm as he was 'working'. It was so obvious he had a family and was out walking the dog and called her then.

It could be any of the things people suggested, but it isn't normal I wouldn't think to go out twice nightly when you have little kids to put to bed and you don't actually need anything, nor to get angry when you suggest he doesn't need to go as you have the thing he purports to need.

For how long has he been doing this? If it was an affair with a colleague I doubt he'd still be so wound up about calling twice every evening after a year or so.

Do what another poster suggested, and ring him 5 minutes after he's left. You can ask for him to pick up something for the kids' lunches. Do that at different times a couple of times a week. If it's always engaged you've probably got your answer.

If he's a secret smoker you'd smell it on his breath.

without worrying their partner like this.
Its really not that odd tho to pop out 2-3 times a week, for 10-20 mins (and not at the same time, sometimes after the DCs are in bed (so not escaping his share of DC time). I sympathise with OP feeling worried, but you can't insist that no one can go anywhere because you feel worried, that's not how it works, you need to strive to be rational about the fact that he's a separate person, and may just want 10 mins alone and a little walk.
As others have said, if a poster had a DH, who didn't like her popping out for 10 mins in the evening, and tried to persuade her it wasn't necessary, no one would be saying 'you popping out is worrying him, maybe go to your room for a bit instead'!

Some suggestions on here - Pokemon Go and going out to stuff his face?!?!

I think he's up to something. I agree to hiding his phone.

Pokémon Go! suggestion has been the highlight of my weekend so far.

Never mind stalking him (or getting a Mumsnetter to do it for you) just ask him, for crying out loud.

My partner was doing this when he started smoking again.

I would get annoyed if my husband was quizzing me and telling me not too go out to the shops aswell.

I would be more annoyed if he went on to hide my phone because he was suspicious. And I'm sure if posted on MN my dh moans when I try to go to the shop and tries to stop me going and then went on to hide my phone because one thinks I'm up to something when I go to the shop. Majority would be shouting LTB. And how it isn't normal behaviour.

It just seems like a big deal over somebody trying to go shop.

There's a pattern, he's going out when he knows you're in the middle of something, bathing, cooking. He doesn't want you to see where he's going.

Has he caught Pikachu yet?

Some people are missing the point. It's not weird or unacceptable that he goes out for errands/walks/breaks. It's weird and unacceptable that he 'exploded' at OP when she made a reasonable request that he stay in that one night. He later got stroppy and slept in the sofa. That is weird. And for those saying OP is controlling, no, it is the DH who is being controlling by getting angry and sleeping on the sofa as if to punish OP. Thereby getting his own way in future. That's control.

If people don't think that someone having an affair would lie to go out and make a 10 minute phone call, they need to google limerence.

KreamyKoala

I don't think phoning would help because most phones don't have an engaged tone these days but have a call waiting feature so if he was phoning someone you wouldn't necessarily know. He could quickly end that call, speak to you and then call them back again. I caught my ex out (the first time) by sneaking up on him while he was texting, offering to give him a lift on his frequent trips out of the house. It was obvious to him from my actions that I was suspicious and he was so uncomfortable that he ended up confessing. The next time (that I know about!) he covered his tracks too well; I didn't get any evidence until 3 months after he had moved out but I got it. I would watch and wait, if he is up to no good you will find out eventually. Confronting him without concrete evidence will only give him more reason to say it's all in your head and make him better at covering his tracks.

Are tracking devices cheap? I know there is an app where you can tell where the person is by tracking their phone.

sneaky husband alert

Tracking device? I thought we knew he was going down the shop as he comes back with stuff?

I nip out for Pokémon go. Got to keep up my daily catch and poke stop visit to get the weekly bonus .

I know a friend of mine has a tracking app with her brother and it can tell you how far away they are and if they're on the phone, which might be easier than ringing 141.

How far away can he be if he leaves the house and is back again with shopping in 10-20 minutes?

fluffy because if you're a grown adult and you get questioned you wouldn't exactly give the warmest of responses. And I'm guessing this isn't a one time occurrence of OP asking questions. Her husband is controlling her because he doesn't want too sleep next to her because he doesn't agree with being quizzed... ok then.

He wasnt questioned. She asked him to stay in on this one occasion. He flipped.
If my DH got angry with me for making a simple request or slept in the sofa because he was angry I would think I had married the wrong man and leave him. Luckily my DH is wonderful and would never manipulate and hurt me in that way. He also would not leave it to me to cook dinner and bath the kids every night either!

Me too Ruhrpott

He's 100% up to something on his phone, question is what.