Angry husband, what he hiding?

[Carrotpuree]

My DH has been extra special lovely this last few days so was really looking forward to last night, glass of wine after DC went to bed. He said he needed to get some cash out for haircut first thing tomorrow but when I said I already had some in he could take he started making up reasons to still need to go tonight - none sensible. Then I said could he just stay in for one evening without going to the shop or the ATM and he absolutely exploded. He goes out during DCs bath time to run a errand 2/3 nights a week and then often goes out to run a 2nd after their bedtime while I'm cooking. I'm starting to get paranoid and judging by his reaction I think I may be right. DS woke up and so we both had a moment to step back so when DH returned I said sod it walk to the shop & get the cash, not sure how much I have a anyway (lie) and he went into stroppy toy taken off toddler mode. Won't go at all now etc etc WTF? I know him, angry attack is his defensive response. Any suggestions on how to recover the long weekend (he decided to sleep on the sofa) and get to the bottom of this?

From my perspective I have quite a stressful job if I'm feeling particularly overwhelmed I quite often make an excuse to escape the house once home to get some headspace and recalibrate. My OH understands this as I've spoken to him about my reclusive habits! I think having a calm, open honest communication without throwing potential accusations out there is your first step

Texting or calling someone

Ask him?

I would definitely be suspicious. Guess the only way you'll know for sure is if you follow him one time, but I know that would be tricky if you have DC to look after whilst he's out. Guess the next best thing would be to look through his phone, although if he's having an affair he's probably got all sorts of pass codes on it to prevent from looking.
Hopefully it's nothing, but the fact he got so angry suggests he's hiding something as that's very unnecessarily defensive behaviour

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Gambling? The bookie near to us is open in the evening.

Does he seem to have gone for the right amount of time or is it a bit longer than it should be? I'd time him as a starting point.
I also agree about phoning him, to ask him to pick up a different chocolate bar etc.

I would suspect he is calling someone. I agree with PP - hide his phone and see how he reacts.

My first thought was smoking because I've dealt with that before with my husband.

I agree with Fluffybrain, it's time to do some investigating. Go through everything with a fine-tooth comb. I've not had any problems with my husband, but I had a boyfriend that cheated on me when I was younger. I found out by going through his phone and found strange contact names with cryptic messages. Receipts is another one, as is stuff stored on the laptop.

It could be innocent OP, I like to pop out every night to stretch my legs, think about the events of the day and clear my head. I am not going out for a smoke or to call anyone and I would be angry if someone told me I wasn't allowed out for 20 minutes. Could it be he feels you are parenting him that caused his anger

The only person I knew who was doing this was having an affair and calling the OW.

Next time he goes, act completely normal and don't say anything. Dial 141 (to hide your number) and ring him to see if it's engaged. Next time, hide his phone. Another time, have a friend on standby to follow him. Where are you? I'll do it for you!!!

I'd have to get to the bottom of this but don't make a fuss otherwise he'll realise you're up to something.

My H randomly goes out and he's a gambler, he only uses cash as he thinks I won't know then, so he has to go to the bookies. Is there a bookies near the shops?

Good idea to phone him. Then you can just ask him who he was on the phone to if its engaged.

Reasons to be suspicious:

• He's been extra specially lovely this week (often a sign of guilt over something).

• When you offered him the cash he supposedly needed he came up with more reasons why he HAD to go out.

• He goes out at least once a night, sometimes twice.

• He got angry when asked not to go out - anger being a way of covering his fear that he wasn't going to be able to do whatever he does.

There's something wrong. Too early perhaps to say what, but keep your spidey senses tingling and do whatever you can to find out more.

Next time, call him and if its engaged then you know he's making phone calls.

That's strange. Do you think he's having an affair?

Definitely up to no good but surely you would know if drugs were involved - I would think OW ... does he ever go on "lads nights" or for longer than these little breaks? Shame you can't follow him or get someone else to

I know when my H has gambled as he buys me cake, and is nice to me

The amount of paranoia on this thread is really worrying - if he's only out for 10-20 minutes there's hardly a lot he could be getting up to.

For what it's worth, I have a stressful job and there are some evenings I get home, I feel trapped by the four walls and just need to do something to wind down. I've found out that going out for a short walk is more conducive to family harmony that taking out my stress on everyone else. And no, I don't want DH to come with me because I'm surrounded by people all day and part of the point of the work is to have time alone.

So I don't think OP's DH is behaving at all strangely. I think it's more strange that OP considers him getting out for 10 minutes to be such a big deal!

I would have to wonder if something was going on OP. If he just needed some space, he should be able to say so without rage.

It's not the 10 mins that's the big deal, it's the anger when the OP suggested she had the cash required.

Don't want to sound patronising but maybe he wants some space after work and that's the only thing he can do to get some.

A slightly more light-hearted suggestion - is he playing Pokemon Go? Friend's husband took to doing helpful errands in the evening so he could play for ten minutes