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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Angry husband, what he hiding?

212 replies

Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 07:55

My DH has been extra special lovely this last few days so was really looking forward to last night, glass of wine after DC went to bed. He said he needed to get some cash out for haircut first thing tomorrow but when I said I already had some in he could take he started making up reasons to still need to go tonight - none sensible. Then I said could he just stay in for one evening without going to the shop or the ATM and he absolutely exploded. He goes out during DCs bath time to run a errand 2/3 nights a week and then often goes out to run a 2nd after their bedtime while I'm cooking. I'm starting to get paranoid and judging by his reaction I think I may be right. DS woke up and so we both had a moment to step back so when DH returned I said sod it walk to the shop & get the cash, not sure how much I have a anyway (lie) and he went into stroppy toy taken off toddler mode. Won't go at all now etc etc WTF? I know him, angry attack is his defensive response. Any suggestions on how to recover the long weekend (he decided to sleep on the sofa) and get to the bottom of this?

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1492115574 · 29/04/2017 15:28

Get someone to spy on him. It's al very cloak and dagger 😱

neonrainbow · 29/04/2017 15:29

Agreed if your first thought is "get a tracker" then you have more problems than just your marriage.

CherylVole · 29/04/2017 17:54

OK. Presume yes found ti do it tonight too

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 17:59

Getting a tracker app is a load cheaper than a private investigator. Anyway, the OP just needs to get a chance to grab her husband's phone and analyse his messages and phone calls. That will tell her everything she needs to know.

GoingArseforTit · 29/04/2017 18:29

Are they're any single women living a few doors up? Grin not sure why but I'm finding this comment really amusing

Wauden · 29/04/2017 18:42

Cos single (not married) women neighbours are on permanent standby and OP's DH also manages to buy something as well.

Catrina1234 · 29/04/2017 19:10

Has anyone noticed that the OP has not posted again since her OP and 1 post on P1 - whereas the thread is on P8 - now there's a puzzle! Anyone got any ideas???

bebox · 29/04/2017 19:44

Well the OP was asking for suggestions on how to recover the long weekend because her H was in a strop.

She's still waiting probably.

neonrainbow · 29/04/2017 19:54

What is a tracker going to tell her anyway? Oh yes that her husband's been to the shop seeing as he comes back with what he supposed to come back with every time I don't think there's any mystery in where he is going.

tararabumdeay · 29/04/2017 20:03

My useless (no job) H is apt for going for a walks. Used to be the pub but the pub was knocked down. Then it was round to Jean's to roll a spliff for either her or her many daughters. After that it was a £1 can of cider in the local beauty spot. Now he just looks like the village idiot.

Original poster
Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 20:28

I'm here, thank you for the comments. I won't be investing in a tracker but I have had a look at his phone. As it synchs with his iPad which the DS uses I already wasn't expecting to see anything - and there wasn't.
I think he's probably back on the fags again, he's got form for it and a growing collection of coats in the front of his car. He tends to get cross when he's feeling guilty about it.
I've had a chat about people needing a break and a walk and that it's obviously fine if needed to just say so and head out for a bit. He looked at me like I'd just dropped off the moon, so I took a break from him and went for a walk in the local park & saw some lovely bluebells. Smile

OP posts:
PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 20:32

That's good! Maybe you should buy him a vape? Give him a hint!

Sunshineandlaughter · 29/04/2017 20:32

Hes either smoking or phoning someone

If he's phoning someone he'll have a different phone - one you don't even know about as a pay as you go

If he's smoking you'd smell it - no matter what he wears or tries to hide it with you can't escape that smell

If he doesn't smell of fags then I'm sorry it's an affair

Sunshineandlaughter · 29/04/2017 20:33

Smell the coats and then you'll know!

scottishdiem · 29/04/2017 20:37

Oooofffffttttt the paranoia here is palpable.

  1. Smoking maybe.
  2. Eating something not approved of at home?
  3. He has a routine that he just wants to stick to. A plan of action that doesnt need someone else to tell him what to do, when to do it and why?
PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 20:44

When my husband was smoking behind my back, he used to take the dog out for walks in the evening (which he wouldn't do now). He used to come back smelling of aftershave and deodorant. Also, he would be chewing a mint and would stay away from me for up to an hour.

Renaissance2017 · 29/04/2017 20:49

Wow. If this is how you people treat your other halves then some of you have serious issues.

The suggestions on here border on abusive. Absolutely shocking.

Original poster
Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 21:23

Oh good point PhyllisNights he has started chewing mints before coming in again

OP posts:
Original poster
Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 21:33

Which I know doesn't address the anger & the toddler strop of sleeping on the sofa, but I have 2 under 5 so one more tantrum throwing housemate really doesn't end the world. Just makes everything more work. Thanks for the suggestions though, it was good to really sit & think as I read them- how bad is his behaviour, how suspicious am I or am I just lacking in confidence. Who is being controlling and how would I react if he'd said the same to me.

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 29/04/2017 21:37

Next time he comes in say oh can you smell cigarette smoke and watch his face.
You'll know if he's smoking.

CherylVole · 29/04/2017 22:06

YOU NEVER MENTIONED THE MINTS FFS

PhyllisNights · 29/04/2017 22:10

The anger and the strops could be a sign of nicotine withdrawal. Most smokers want to smoke where and when they can, so perhaps he feels restricted by only being able to go out and smoke when he takes those visits outside at night.

As for that comment from Renaissance2017, men don't tend to express their feelings as openly as women. It can be an uphill struggle to get the truth out of men sometimes.

Original poster
Carrotpuree · 29/04/2017 22:20

No, CherylVole I didn't because he only does smell of them when he gets home from work and I'd like to hope that's a lifeline of good news (fags, again) over really shitty news (affair).

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 30/04/2017 00:16

mints=smoking

looks lik hes on the sticks

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