Hello echt, I recognise your name but didn't know you'd lost your dh too. I'm so very sorry to hear that but I'm glad you've come and joined us, and I hope we can all continue to be a help and support to each other. I don't know how I would have got through these last 11 weeks (11 weeks tomorrow morning) without my wonderful Aunties.
My rl friends have been incredible and although they all say to pick up the phone any time of night or day, I haven't been able to bring myself to ring anyone at 3am! So having this mn support has been so so helpful. It's also acted as a bit of a diary because I look back now on those first few weeks and it's all a fog - I remember vaguely what was going on but not details. In times to come I know I will be glad that I have posted something on here almost every day. I still can't read back my own posts yet but I know they're there.
Hi daisy nice to see you, sounds like you've been busy. Migraine totally gone now thank you. magi and book your prayers for rain have been answered! Willow and Cake it sounds like you've both had busy productive days.
Squirrels I've just got out of the shower, and when I was in there I was thinking exactly what you've said above about physical contact. There have been hugs and hand holdings aplenty over the last weeks but it's not the same, and I miss so much Mark's arms around me. We too were very tactile, we held hands whenever we were out, cuddled each other in passing in the house, sat up close when watching tv with my feet in his lap etc. I miss being touched with love like that :(. I don't want anyone else to be doing it, just him. Dd said to me when her relationship with her boyfriend was fairly new that she wanted him to look at her the way Mark looked at me, and to say to her what he always said about me which was that I was always the most beautiful woman in the room 
. I absolutely definitely was not, I'm very average, but the point is that Mark believed what he was saying. And that sort of uncritical unconditional love doesn't come along too often in one's lifetime :(
There's a big choir scene here too - a rock choir thing I believe. It's not my cup of tea at all but everyone I know who's joined it (and there seem to be hundreds of them!) absolutely loves it. I wouldn't fret too much about doing stuff with your boys Squirrels, sometimes nice laid back times at home together are better than anything else. My ds3 is such a homebird that if I suggest going out he'll agree to please me, but really he'd much prefer to be at home.
I've been for a lovely long walk along the river today with a friend. We parked up, walked about two miles and had lunch and a look round the shops, then walked back to the car just in time to miss the rain!
I've been ok today except for a brief bout of tears over lunch where I remembered something that happened the night Mark died. If I'm repeating myself I'm sorry but at one point in the early hours of the Monday morning I was sat by his side holding his hand and looking at his face when a tear slipped out of his left eye :(. He was sedated and on the ventilator by this point so I think it can only have been some sort of biological occurrence but I wondered then, and now, if somehow that was the moment he knew subconsciously he wasn't coming back this time :(. I've made myself cry again now - off to find some Maltesers to cheer me up!