Thank you all so so much, I'm stunned by how many people have responded. I'm sorry for everyone who's suffered a loss as well. I do have a lot of friends who are wonderful but for tonight it's me and the dc.
Dh had renal failure but he'd had it for 23 years. He'd also had valve replacements, strokes, pericarditis - he was one of those who you name it, he's had it! So many times we've gathered round his bed to say goodbye and so many times he's defeated the odds. Physically he was a big man, mentally even bigger.
This week we thought he had flu - no big deal - but as week went on he got worse. Took him to hospital on Sat where he had intra venus antibiotics and was sent home. Sunday morning he was dialysing at home and had another, but worse, episode of the shakes he'd been having all week. Rang an ambulance and got taken to hospital. Early hours of this morning he was pronounced dead, after having had everything thrown at him, including being ventilated. Me and two of the dc were with him when he died but he wasn't aware as had been sedated for the ventilator.
He has left such an enormous gap in our lives. He was larger than life and the backbone of our family - the only person who has ever loved me whole heartedly and unconditionally. He loved our dc too - just on Sat he was telling me how he thought they'd all grown into wonderful people, and how, apart from this illness, he was particularly happy :(
I just can't believe he's not here. Currently I'm in bed, on his side, in the shirt he was taken to hospital in. Scared to sleep because when I wake I'll remember all over again. Dd, who was 22 last week, is cuddled up next to me fast asleep.