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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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My Dh died this morning and I don't know how to go on

999 replies

JuanPotatoTwo · 27/02/2017 19:18

But I will because I have to, because I have 4 incredible dc he loved.

I'm so so sad, didn't see it coming this time. Been lots of occasions in the past when we thought we'd lose him but he fought back and pulled through. Too much for him this time. One month today we would have been married 24 years.

Being self indulgent posting but I'm trying to put on brave front for dc even though 3 of them are adult and trying to be brave for me. We all loved him so much.

OP posts:
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JuanPotatoTwo · 27/02/2017 20:46

Thank you all so so much, I'm stunned by how many people have responded. I'm sorry for everyone who's suffered a loss as well. I do have a lot of friends who are wonderful but for tonight it's me and the dc.

Dh had renal failure but he'd had it for 23 years. He'd also had valve replacements, strokes, pericarditis - he was one of those who you name it, he's had it! So many times we've gathered round his bed to say goodbye and so many times he's defeated the odds. Physically he was a big man, mentally even bigger.

This week we thought he had flu - no big deal - but as week went on he got worse. Took him to hospital on Sat where he had intra venus antibiotics and was sent home. Sunday morning he was dialysing at home and had another, but worse, episode of the shakes he'd been having all week. Rang an ambulance and got taken to hospital. Early hours of this morning he was pronounced dead, after having had everything thrown at him, including being ventilated. Me and two of the dc were with him when he died but he wasn't aware as had been sedated for the ventilator.

He has left such an enormous gap in our lives. He was larger than life and the backbone of our family - the only person who has ever loved me whole heartedly and unconditionally. He loved our dc too - just on Sat he was telling me how he thought they'd all grown into wonderful people, and how, apart from this illness, he was particularly happy :(

I just can't believe he's not here. Currently I'm in bed, on his side, in the shirt he was taken to hospital in. Scared to sleep because when I wake I'll remember all over again. Dd, who was 22 last week, is cuddled up next to me fast asleep.

OP posts:
Brieandgrapes · 27/02/2017 20:46

Juan I am so sorry to hear this. Sending lots of love, you and your DC are in my thoughts

ChampagneTastes · 27/02/2017 20:47

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. We're here if you need us. Flowers

myrtleWilson · 27/02/2017 20:47

So sorry for your loss - much love to you and your DC x

CremeEggThief · 27/02/2017 20:48

Very sad news. So sorry for your loss.Sad

Foureyesarebetterthantwo · 27/02/2017 20:48

He sounds like an amazing, larger than life character, I'm so sorry he's gone.

VanillaSugar · 27/02/2017 20:48

Oh, I'm so sorry. xxxxxSadFlowersFlowers

ladygracie · 27/02/2017 20:48

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you love xx

Arsenicinthesugarbowl · 27/02/2017 20:48

Juan just wanted to say how sorry I am. Your DH sounds like a wonderful man. I'm so very sorry for your loss Flowers

SoMuchPain · 27/02/2017 20:48

Oh gosh OP that is so so sad. You are so brave. Flowers

SecretNutellaFix · 27/02/2017 20:49

I'm so sorry. For now, take things hour by hour and then eventually day by day.x

Ihavenoidea · 27/02/2017 20:50

Oh Juan, how utterly dreadful, I'm so sorry Sad Flowers I lost my husband in April last year, after being together for 23.5 years. We knew it was going to happen, but not quite when (metastatic cancer}, but that made it no easier. Nothing prepares you for the finality of it, the absolute knowledge that there's no rewind, no magical Undo button to press. And the sudden void that appears in just about every part of your existence can feel overwhelming at times. My only advice for you is to let yourself feel whatever you feel and try not to insist to the outside world that the rest of your life is still ok, because it isn't necessarily, and nor does it have to be. There are no rules on how to respond to what your heart is feeling, and please, try not to hurry into anything - yes, there are formalities to attend to in the short term, but please try not to yield to pressure put upon you by anyone to make decisions on anything that you feel unready over. It really does take as long as it takes to find yourself in a place where you can deal with the minutiae; I have some things left to do, but I can't bring myself to do them yet - sorting his clothes, his sports equipment, his hobby stuff. I know I'm merely postponing, and that waiting will change nothing, but I can't let go yet. I am thankful for some amazing friends, as I have no close family, and I sincerely hope you have family and/or friends who can bolster you when you need it. I will be thinking of you.

Stuffofawesome · 27/02/2017 20:51

It sounds like you have a lovely family. I'm sorry he is no longer with you.

mycatwantstokillme1 · 27/02/2017 20:52

Juan I'm so sorry for you and your DC's. That's such a shock especially as you weren't expecting it. I am thinking of you all, sending you Flowers and a big hug.

Serowe72 · 27/02/2017 20:52

What a lovely family you created. You should be very proud of you both you married a good un'.

Floods123 · 27/02/2017 20:52

I don't know what say. Touched by your post. One of those here thinking of you.

danTDM · 27/02/2017 20:52

Very sorry indeed Flowers

BankWadger · 27/02/2017 20:53

SadFlowers

CheckpointCharlie2 · 27/02/2017 20:53

That's a lovely post ihavenoidea and Juan your DH sounds like he was a really lovely man.

kelper · 27/02/2017 20:54

Oh gosh, so sorry, Condolences to you all 💐

GrouchyKiwi · 27/02/2017 20:54

I'm so sorry for your loss, Juan. Flowers

Sallystyle · 27/02/2017 20:55

I am so sorry Thanks

thehungrymummy · 27/02/2017 20:55

So sorry for your loss Juan x

RozTheSchnoz · 27/02/2017 20:55

Sorry for your loss Flowers

CityMole · 27/02/2017 20:55

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful partner and father. It also strikes me that he had a huge amount of pride and love for the life you had built together, and the children you raised so beautifully. I hope that in time this brings you comfort, that he died so happy. Sending hugs and strength X

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