My Dh died this morning and I don't know how to go on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

But I will because I have to, because I have 4 incredible dc he loved.

I'm so so sad, didn't see it coming this time. Been lots of occasions in the past when we thought we'd lose him but he fought back and pulled through. Too much for him this time. One month today we would have been married 24 years.

Being self indulgent posting but I'm trying to put on brave front for dc even though 3 of them are adult and trying to be brave for me. We all loved him so much.

Thank you so much for sharing Juan, what an honour!! I have something in my eye [damn]

Wonderful

Thank you everyone, I'm a bit calmer now. If he only knew he was on The Mumsnet ... :).

He looks just as you've painted him here in your posts - warm, clever, funny and strong. That's what/who you'll remember. I think you'll have a huge turnout tomorrow. It will be hard, very hard, but in the weeks and months to come I hope it will help to know that he was so much loved.

Strength and love to you and your family. I lost my dad this year and still can't believe it. See or read things and think 'need to tell dad about this,' then I remember

What a handsome DH Juan. Sending you much love from across the pond.

I've been lurking but haven't really posted as it's all felt a bit too familiar. I lost my dad 18 months ago suddenly, following an accident. A lot of what you describe I recognise from mum, and me and my brother.

Over 300 people turned up dad's funeral. So many people told us stories but it was such a blur, I wish we'd had a little book (guest book isn't the right phrase, a memory book perhaps) for people to jot down stories they wanted to share. We'll never see half of those people again so it would have been nice to have something to look back on once the fog cleared (and to show my toddler DD in years to come).

Seeing dad in the funeral home helped (I'd also seen him when we had to identify his body, but needed to see him in more serene surroundings) me deal with the funeral. It just wasn't him, my dad was missing and only his body was left. It meant at the funeral I was quite detached from the coffin as I knew it wasn't my dad as I really rememebered him.

Take care of yourselves. We found the day after the funeral hard, we didn't realise how drained we'd feel. Perhaps have some friends on standby-me and mum didn't want to be alone but my brother did, everyone's different. Thinking of you all over the next few days x

Rain I'm sorry for the loss of your Dad, that must have been such an awful shock for you all. Thank you for taking the time to post.

Handsome man, Juan. You can see his character in his face.

Will be with you in spirit tomorrow.

(((xxx)))

What a lovely photo Juan.

He looks like a "gentle giant" of a man, a large physical presence but loving, gentle softie underneath.

He looks exactly as I imagined from your description.
You have done so well today - I hope you don't mind me saying that , but you have - you got through it.
xxx

Oh Juan, sorry it was so tough today but well done on getting through it. I think in future you will be glad you did, maybe not today, but later.

What a great photo that is. I love black & white photos, the person's character really shines through, better than in colour. He was a handsome man, alright - and he looks like a rugby player!

Will pop back later x

handsome man Juan, I like a man who can look you straight!

decent, honest, kind.

thats what I see from his picture and I can imagine his face creasing up with smiles too.

God you must miss him, its so unreal, isnt it..so unreal and unfair.

I want to hug you, and him

Juan what a lovely photo, everything you said about him is there.

I love black and white photos you are drawn straight to the face, especially the eyes, such kind eyes ( I tend to look at a persons eyes first and foremost every time) his face is so full of character.

Sorry today was so hard on you.
((Hugs))

Oh Juan, what a stunning photo! I love it. He looks such a nice friendly kind man.

I hope tomorrow goes as well as these things can, you will have the support of your lovely children and the lovely Mumsnetters.

Lots of people will have you and your darling M in their hearts. 💓

De lurking to say what a gorgeous photo of your DH. Wishing you strength, he will always be with you in your heart x

Glad you went to see him. I'm sorry it was so hard, but at least you won't have the regret that you didn't see him for a last goodbye.

What a lovely picture and I agree, he looks so handsome and strong. Thinking of you tonight and tomorrow x

Oh Juan.
I too have been lurking here today and have just seen the lovely photo of your DH. He sounds and looks like a very special man.

It is said that grief is the price we pay for love, and he is obviously loved by so many.

Rest tonight, and do him proud tomorrow. You can do it .. he will guide you.

I'm so so sorry for your loss. x

Juan. Thank you for sharing M's photo, he's certainly a handsome, strong looking man. (No problem posting photos at all x)

I'm sorry that today was so awful. I hope you feel (maybe in time) that you are still glad you went to say goodbye. In a strange way, it might make tomorrow a little less awful knowing that M isn't really in the casket. M is everywhere around you, all the time & always will be.

Wishing you and your family strength for tomorrow xx

Juan beautiful photo, try to remember him this way.
Sending you best wishes

Just popping back to hope you can rest tonight .
In my thoughts and prayers
xx

Hello everyone. Thank you for all your lovely comments. He was exactly how he looked and I feel so proud that all of you could see that. He'd be delighted to know that he's gone down a storm - but he didn't have even the smallest ego. He thought he was a battered beaten up old man. I never knew anyone with such integrity and grit and courage and determination, mentally and physically. I've had a couple of drinks tonight (as we had an impromptu gathering of some friends) so I'm a bit maudlin.

We sat round our kitchen tonight and everyone joined in with affixing the jumpers and bows to the order of service - the picture I posted is the one we have on the front of it. We got to talking of good times in the past, and although I felt very sad, it was a good night. I have some true friends who I know I can turn to in the hard days ahead. And of course I have my wonderful on line aunties willing me to get through tomorrow.

Thank you for all the support you've all given over these last three weeks. I'll not ever be able to express the gratitude I feel for the kindness you've shown to a total stranger. See you all after the funeral :(. X

Wonderful photo, strength etched in his face. It will stand you in good stead, that strength. May tomorrow be a celebration of all that he meant to you and your dc.

Juan, What a handsome man, so solid looking, so honest looking.

Your husband just looks like everything he was to you.

Thinking of you and yours today.
xxxxx

What a lovely looking man M is, Juan, very "old school" iykwim.

Hope everything goes as well as these things can and the weather is kind to you. Sorry to be a bit behind on the thread but having a mini-drama of my own, with ds2 needing his appendix out this morning. He's fine now, pain meds going well but all my concentration has of course been on him.

But I have thoughts now to spare to think of you and yours and wish you the strength you need to get through today x x x