My Dh died this morning and I don't know how to go on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

But I will because I have to, because I have 4 incredible dc he loved.

I'm so so sad, didn't see it coming this time. Been lots of occasions in the past when we thought we'd lose him but he fought back and pulled through. Too much for him this time. One month today we would have been married 24 years.

Being self indulgent posting but I'm trying to put on brave front for dc even though 3 of them are adult and trying to be brave for me. We all loved him so much.

I believe he will have known you were there. I was under sedation in ICU for a few weeks. My dh visited every day but dc came seldom as they were all under 10 at the time. Once I came round I had memories of him talking to me but I believed the dc were lost as I didn't hear them. I'm sure you will have comforted him try and be kind to yourself.
You can talk about him on here as often as you like.

oh Juan. Hard to find any words.

There was shiningly so much love. What a wonderful thing.

Your lovely DH sounds adorable (my autocorrect changed that to "doable"! I'm sure it's true but it doesn't feel very respectful!).

I'm so glad you had 24 years with him, and 4 DC, but I know it's never enough.

You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope you sleep, and I hope you dream of him, vividly.

You are not being indulgent you need to grieve I lost my mum and my dad lost his wife 3 and half years ago and I can honestly tell you that you will pull the strength from somewhere but it takes time I know it's a cliche.

Take time, take care of yourself, talk as much as you can or as little as you want and remember we are all here for you xxxxxxxxx

Oh Juan. I can't tell you how sorry I am.

He sounds like a wonderful man who had a wonderful life.

Love to you all at this sad time.

I am so sorry for your loss and I can only imagine your grief and numbness right now. I am sure your children will be a comfort and hope that in time your pain eases. I miss the loved ones I have lost -especially times when I wish we could talk. I have found that in time the happy memories and amusing incidents and little habits are what remain.
Don't be afraid to let your DC see your emotions.
I am sorry for your loss too I have no idea

I'm so sorry for your loss, Juan. I did all the things you're describing - sleeping on his side of the bed, wore his favourite (full of holes) hoody, scared to sleep because of that moment of waking up and the sheer terror of what's happened hits you all over again.

I'm glad you had your thread moved to relationships, I still get comfort from reading the one I began when DH died unexpectedly. You write about your DH so lovingly.

It does get easier in time, really it does. I wish you peace and strength.

The Mumsnet is sending you so many good thoughts at this very sad time, Juan. You sound like a wonderful family and the support you give each other will be a solace in the coming days. Your inspirational and talented husband will have known how much love surrounded him. Most of us would wish for a meaningful life and a key part of that is the simple but vital knowledge that we love and are loved.

I'm so sorry Juan your DH sounds like he was a marvelous mountain of a man and it sounds like you and your DC gave him a really happy life.

I hope you continue to all have lots of love and support around you.

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry

It sounds like you had an amazing marriage, that's really special, I'm glad you've got your friends and children around you.

You'll be in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry, Juan. It's lovely to read what you write about him, he sounds a very wonderful and strong man. The horrible, tragic downside of love is the bottomless ache when they are gone.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

Oh love. I am so sorry xx

So very sorry for your loss, Juan, so hard for you all :(

My DH's dad died from complications of renal failure when he was only 60 and DH was not quite 18 - his Dad had had a kidney transplant several years previously and was one of the longest surviving kidney transplant patients at the time. What got him in the end was Legionnaire's disease, caught on one of his monthly hospital visits. What was "interesting" though was apparently he had some kind of premonition that it would be his last hospital visit - he couldn't have known he would catch Legionnaire's disease, but he just felt he wouldn't be coming out again so maybe his whole system had just reached the point of collapse. :(

Very hard when, as you say, he'd fought and rallied so many times before - but I think that it's unlikely you would have had a different outcome even if you had done things differently - sometimes it's just "time".

Sending you and your family love and strength xx

Oh Juan so sorry to hear this

Your love for him shines through your messages here - sending you and your DCs much strength at this most devastating of times

So sorry. Sending you lots of love

I was thinking about you last night Juan. I hope you managed a little sleep. Massive hugs.

So sorry, Juan

He sounded a lovely man and he obviously loved you and your family very, very much

Hope you managed to sleep last night Juan

I can't believe how incredibly supportive you've all been. Thank you so much. It's so comforting to read that you all think he will know how much he was loved - I think and hope you're right, we did used to tell each other a lot. He was very much of the opinion that you never knew what was around the corner (and how right he was) so you should let those who mattered know that they did. He wasn't afraid to show his feelings.

I did sleep, thank you - took some tablets. Waking up this morning was so so hard. The disbelief hit all over again, and the despair. How can he not be here? Where is he?

Lynn your words gave me hope - for the last hour or so of his life Dd and I took it in turns whispering in his ear and urging him on - the consultant had said he might be able to feel or hear us. It didn't save him but he might have heard just how much we loved him and needed him.

Thumbs - it's strange that your FIL sort of knew. I've been wondering and wondering if Dh sort of did too. Can't fathom why he wore different shoes from usual! He also said to me in the week that "even though I don't believe in all that bollocks" he felt his mum was haunting him. He's literally never said anything like that in all the years I've known him. When I asked him what he meant he got all emotional and said he'd tell me later. But he never did, and fancifully (and ridiculously I know) dd and I are wondering if his mum came to get him. He hated hospitals - would absolutely resist going in unless he couldn't avoid it - always said they were dangerous places.

I need to get on and do "official" stuff but right now the idea of doing anything feels too frightening and too final. He doesn't need anything sorted - he's surely coming back?

Thank you again for all your comments - it's amazing how kind words from people you've never met can be so comforting and touching.

I'm so sorry to read your post @Juan.

I don't know what else to write, I'm sorry

for you Juan. Your husband sounds wonderful. And probably a bit annoying/frustrating at times but that's love for you. Condolences. I'm sure he knew how hugely loved he was. It sounds like he had a lot of love to give out.

As for this bit: "I need to get on and do "official" stuff but right now the idea of doing anything feels too frightening and too final.

As a PP said, there is a wealth of specialist knowledge on The Mumsnet. I'm sure people here will be happy to talk you through anything you need to do.

He sounds like a fighter and due to that sounds like you have made a wonderful family & memories

I am so sorry.