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Original poster

My Dh died this morning and I don't know how to go on

999 replies

JuanPotatoTwo · 27/02/2017 19:18

But I will because I have to, because I have 4 incredible dc he loved.

I'm so so sad, didn't see it coming this time. Been lots of occasions in the past when we thought we'd lose him but he fought back and pulled through. Too much for him this time. One month today we would have been married 24 years.

Being self indulgent posting but I'm trying to put on brave front for dc even though 3 of them are adult and trying to be brave for me. We all loved him so much.

OP posts:
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5
magimedi · 28/02/2017 11:05

I am glad you slept - don't worry if you need to take something for a short while - it's important that you sleep.

Thinking of you & sending love.

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 28/02/2017 11:11

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you Flowers

NootNoot · 28/02/2017 11:17

Huge hugs, the cup of tea brought tears to my eyes. Thinking of you xxx

myoriginal3 · 28/02/2017 11:33

Your poor heart is broken. What an utterly tragic loss. He sounds like a wonderful man. I'm so sorry.

MuseumOfCurry · 28/02/2017 11:37

I'm so sorry. All I can say is, you'll get through this. Flowers Cake

My thoughts are with you.

shockthemonkey · 28/02/2017 12:24

Juan, how terribly heartbreaking to read your news.

My son has size 15 feet and loves life and rugby. He is cheerful, kind, lazy and messy as hell. Makes me appreciate your description of your DH.

When my father was dying we were urged to hold his hand and talk to him with our mouths next to his ear. Those in the know tell us that they DO hear us even when they are literally taking their last breath. We were also told (by a no-nonsense nurse) that our father was probably seeing and hearing someone else in the room, a family member he really loved and who died years earlier.

I am thinking of you and sending you my sympathies.

BasicBetty · 28/02/2017 12:30

I am so sorry to hear this. Wishing you strength and best wishes.

Rikalaily · 28/02/2017 12:34

I'm so sorry for your loss Sad Thinking of you all x

springydaffs · 28/02/2017 12:59

Dear Juan. Sending you and your dc all love and peace as your remember your magnificent husband and father. Thinking of you in the days and months ahead. Remember to breathe sweetheart Flowers

fourquenelles · 28/02/2017 13:41

Juan he will have heard. I put headphones on my late DH so he could hear a Kate Bush song, he loved her. Even though he was completely out of it he managed to indicate that he wanted them off. He wanted to hear me so I spent his last hours talking to him and reassuring him that I and his 3 young adult children would be OK. I know he heard.
After he died I went out into the forest and thrashed a pine tree with a branch until I was exhausted. It helped a bit. I remember reaching up my arms to cuddle the space where he should have been but that rawness does pass. It takes time but it dos pass.
Your DH sounds like he was a lovely man; he will live on in his children and in the memories you have.
Flowers

Tiredemma · 28/02/2017 13:44

juan - thinking of you.

I lost my Mum at 3.25 am this morning - x

Im not even thinking straight -

Hope you and your DC are ok x

chocolateavocado99 · 28/02/2017 13:51

Juan I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was an amazing man.
Tiredemma, I hope you have some support. Sending hugs to both of you x

iogo · 28/02/2017 14:08

I'm so sorry for your loss. He sounds like a lovely man. Xx

joangray38 · 28/02/2017 14:13

So sorry

IrianOfW · 28/02/2017 14:22

So very sorry xx

Buxtonstill · 28/02/2017 14:50

Hold me close and go away
Please visit me and please don't stay
Talk to me but please don't speak
I need you NOW, come back next week

Emotions muddled,needs unknown
To be with others or on my own?
To scream out loud? To rant and shout?
Or hide away and push you out?

I smile at you- "she's not that bad"
I shout at you-"she's going mad"
I speak to you- "what do I say?"
I show my tears- "quick walk away"

It's not catching, the grief I feel
I can't pretend that it's not real
I carry on as best I know
But this pain inside just wont go

So true friends,please, accept the lot
I shout, I cry, I lose the plot
I don't know what I need today
So hold me close and go away.

ShowOfHands · 28/02/2017 15:01

My SIL died from renal failure at 28. Very similar to your magnificent dh, she had some episodes which we didn't think she'd survive but in the end it was a virus and very quick deterioration with no warning. My brother agonised, like you, over whether he should have called for help sooner or chosen a different hospital or dialysed earlier. He had an appointment with the gp and took all the notes from the day she died and he talked him through everything and really, it was a merciful and unavoidable progression that day and the post mortem was also very helpful in painting a clearer picture of how and why. It answered so many questions. Almost a debrief. I wonder if you might find a similar thing helpful in time? Please ignore my suggestion if it is inappropriate.

I wish you peace and strength. Your love for your dh shines through your words. How wonderful your life together sounds.

Dawndonnaagain · 28/02/2017 15:02
Flowers
Trustyourself2 · 28/02/2017 15:14

So sorry for your loss and your utter sadness. Losing a good husband and dad must be so very hard for you and your family.

Stopmithering · 28/02/2017 15:27

Tiredemma so sad to hear about your mum. My mum passed away 6 years ago and I miss her terribly, death is so final and raw. I somehow found it helpful to hear from other people who had been similarly bereaved so hopefully hearing other people's stories will help you both through this awfully sad time.

Yoksha · 28/02/2017 15:42

Juan.

Can I please add my shout of comfort. I'm actually struggling to say something comforting. There's emotions swirling around & I'm not the one going through what you and you're lovely family are.

Love to you and your splendid adult children. They sound like they're a testimony to you both.

My lovely dad died young. That was 33yrs ago, and I still cry every so often.

Flowers
inaclearingstandsaboxer · 28/02/2017 17:59

I don't know what to say

I am so very sorry seems so inadequate

But I really am so sorry X

Cary2012 · 28/02/2017 18:00

I am too so sorry for your loss.

When my grandfather was close to passing many years ago, he could 'see' his mother standing by the bed (she had passed many years before). My mother was also in the room, and she said he spoke to his mother, telling her to stop calling him because he wasn't quite ready. The nurse said she had seen this many times, and firmly believed that towards the end, close loved ones who have passed assist their loved ones in passing. She said that towards the end people can sense and are aware of their loved ones, as they are between two worlds. This was a no nonsense, very straight talking nurse. My mum got comfort from this.

Years later I visited my dying aunt in hospital, very close to the end, and went to sit down by her bed. As I moved the chair closer she said, 'you can't sit there, mother is there!" her mum had passed many years before. Similar situation, different nurse nearby, who then said almost the same as the nurse many years ago, It certainly comforted me.

Hold your cherished memories close, and your children closer xx

UnbornMortificado · 28/02/2017 19:27

Juan you write beautifully about him.

I won't pretend to know what your going through, I just wanted to mention (in regards to your oldest) that when my daughters brother died we found grief counselling helped her come to terms with it.

You won't believe me but you won't feel like this forever

Sorry doesn't seem right for such a massive loss, I don't think any word is Flowers

Foxysoxy01 · 28/02/2017 19:33

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Tiredemma, sending you my sympathies Flowers

Be kind to yourselves and know that you will always carry them with you.