Hi Pudding As others have said, it is a roller coaster of emotions. I felt like a film of what had happened was running in my head constantly, for about the first couple of months. Then I noticed I was thinking about it less. Life moved on a bit, new people, places, experiences, etc.
I did pretty much live in denial for the first year or so. Not denying what had happened, but how I felt. I got on with the practicalities. Then, once things had calmed down, the emotions and tears came. Now, it can take me by surprise, I'll have a down day. But mainly it's something remembered, an "anniversary", a song etc, that can throw me for a bit.
My dc don't have the Disney Dad experience, but I do remember feeling like the villain when he first left. They saw him as the victim, it was all poor old dad. I was always honest with them though, and ultimately they came to understand that I was/am the one that they talk about things too. They love him but they're not close - as far as I see. He never opens up, and tries to act like I don't exist, therefore much of his life is closed off to them.
My back story. Mainly a happy and fun relationship. A few cracks appeared (mainly for me) but nothing major. Then, his father, a text book Narc, blew our relationship out of the water. It involved several members of my extended family, causing a huge rift between various people. My ex was spectacularly useless. So influenced by his dad over so long he couldn't deal with it (not that that excuses him). He became nasty, aggressive and spiteful towards me. He just thought I'd sweep it under the carpet.
Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship previously, I had the tools and insight to get out. I had a "meeting" with his father who made an utter arse of himself. I went n/c with him. We limped on for about a year then I asked him to leave. Hardest thing I've ever done but the right thing.