Support thread for those of us having to coparent with a narc or very difficult ex partner thread 5

[Lilacpink40]

Open to everyone, please come and share your experience. Will post a link to useful support information below.

Previous Thread (4) is here:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2803565-Support-thread-for-those-of-us-having-to-co-parent-with-a-narc-or-very-difficult-exh-thread-4?watched=1&msgid=67018306#67018306

WN= Wank narc (aka Shit Head SH or exP or whatever you prefer).

Yay!
How you?

Was just thinking about you lot and did a search to find this thread - anyone still around?

Still here 

How are you doing?

Still here.
Yesterday I finished painting my living room in my own house - was knackering and I've been putting it off for months but it's done now, carpet fitting tomorrow.
I'm truly skint.
I look like shit.
I'm so tired I could weep.
My MH is shot to pieces.
BUT I'M OUT!!

How's everyone else? Share some good news!

Hi @Lilacpink40 @greencarbluecar @nicenewdusters @pudding21 @mathanxiety Who have missed?

@RedastheRose @Natsku @ontheball75 @RaspberryBeret34 Thank you, all of you - just reading this thread from nearly two years ago has reminded me how much you helped me.
Does anyone have a link to the first exwanknarc thread? I'd like to see how far we've all come!

Yes still here too. Still dealing with the fuckwittery of my ex (still not managed to divorce him unfortunately).

How's everyone else doing?

Ex actually died so partly relief that no more trouble but sadness because DD loved him and is grieving. And he still managed to give me trouble even after death as the responsibility for sorting out his estate (two cars and a pile of debt) falls on me and not his family because DD is his only heir.

Teabay Yay for being in your own house!!

Sorry to hear that @Natsku I remember how troubled he was from your posts. Poor DD it's bound to be hard for her and for you being left to deal with his stuff.

Thanks red it has been very tough on her and stressful for me.

@redastherose sorry you're not yet divorced - is it him slowing things down? Are you still sharing a home?
@Natsku sorry to hear that - I frequently think my life would be easier without Exh, but then I suppose yes, he'd leave a pile of half finished sht for the DC. Was he I'll or was it a shock? How old are your DC?

Hi @Teabay no he left the house to move in with the OW. I will get it as part of my share of the divorce. He's delaying things by trying to minimise the value of the assets he wants to keep and claim that all the ones I will get are worth more. My shl has told him we will be claiming spousal support so he's had a blue fit about that. Glad to hear that you've got your own place, you'll be able to move on and hopefully your MH will improve.

Hopefully @redastherose. I left my old job (upper tax band) and now work part-time for far, far less, but we are cutting our cloth and the house is peaceful.
I feel better that it's all mine. I'm looking forward to being cosy at Xmas, and it is lovely not being responsible to anyone else, particularly anyone mardy!
It's hard being a single parent, the DC are all consuming - I think I need a bit of sunshine

It is hard @Teabay my DC's are older than yours (I think) but being the sole person who they can rely on gets to me at times. My ex has been so difficult the youngest only sees him for the evening twice a week, the eldest cut contact after he harangued her so much she decided she doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

@redastherose That's interesting. My DD 12 is coming to a point where she doesn't want to go EOW as he's hard work, and drinking vodka all the time. How old was yours when they stopped going so much? I keep telling my DD she has to keep going for now.

@Teabay my youngest is 14 now (was 12 when we split) he refused to have any fixed days or overnights for 10 months after he moved out, then grudgingly agreed to twice a week for the evening (which he constantly changes whenever he gets a better offer). By the time he'd talked to his lawyer and been told he should be having her overnight to reduce maintenance DD didn't want to go to his and has rarely slept there. She has refused to be pushed to do what he wants now and my lawyer said that at 14 it's up to her. My eldest DD is 24 now (only 3 years younger than his girlfriend) so she can make her own mind up.

My eldest DD is 24 now (only 3 years younger than his girlfriend Bloody hell! Feel sorry for the girlfriend though, she's probably too young and naive to realise he's a WN. Hope your divorce gets finalised soon.

Teabay surely at 12 she's old enough to choose if she wants to go any more? Worth looking into if she doesn't want to go there, and it doesn't sound pleasant for her anyway.

I don't actually know how he died, I haven't seen the death certificate and all I was told from the autopsy was the date he died (which was over a month before he was found which says a lot - no one cared about him to wonder where he was. His phone calls to DD had been sporadic so I didn't wonder either) but he had been diagnosed with epilepsy some time ago so maybe that was it, though I also suspect it might have been suicide (which would explain why his family haven't told me the cause of death). DD is 7 (I also have a baby now with my non-WN OH)

Oh wow ! Such a nice surprise to see the email linking me to this thread. I often wonder how people who were on this thread are getting on.

Just off to work but will read through and reply when I get back.

Saw the last post though - Congrats Nats !!

Just read the last page of this thread. Sorry to see so many ups and downs with childish aggressive men.

I don't know when or what my last post was here. I'd cut all contact with my ex, nothing apart from messages about basic arrangements via my dd. I've never asked him for anything, and expected nothing of him. I also cut contact with his whole family. Things settled and remain quiet. He sees the dc regularly and often, no messing about, and they have maintained a good relationship with him.

I tend to not ask too much about what they do when they're with him. I try and stay positive about their time with him, but am honest with them if I think he has behaved badly or said something hurtful or stupid. Weirdly in the last few days I have had to send a couple of texts about something to do with our ds. His responses were just an acknowledgement, but no rudeness, and at least he replied !

I've started retraining for a new career which I'm loving. It's hard work and challenging, along with fitting it around working and everything else, as you'll all appreciate. But it's given me a new lease of life.

Some of you may remember the local man I liked who I nicknamed HJM - heart jump man. We're still friends, see each other from time to time and he still makes my heart jump ! I decided that I was better off staying single for the time being. I like being single too much - don't want any more commitments. I'm pretty sure HJM knows I like him, and I feel it's mutual, so we'll just see what fate brings.

Ah I remember HJM! Sounds like things are going ok for you dusters that's really good to hear.

@Ohb0llocks are you still around?

@Natsku yes still here! How are you?