Brave Babes...braving the Autumn

[Mrsmimsy]

??? Xxx

Here I am again lying in bed feeling ill after drinking too much wine yesterday.

I'm so greedy and out of control :(

My son (13) has asked for a lift , I've had to get him to go to shop for full fat coke to help pull me round enough to get up.

Elderly frail father seems to have gone awol (his friend alerted me that he couldn't get hold of him). Had to send police and ambulance to his flat (I'm 100 miles away)...101 operator said they were there when I got off the phone half an hour ago and someone would ring. They haven't... sat here panicking now. Relationship complicated to say the least but I feel like the shitest daughter ever...seen him once this year (and tried to avoid that). Not sure what the point of posting this is except to kill time really. Can't phone anyone as need to keep line clear, texted a couple of friends but they are at work. Want wine but might have to drive. Got a horrible gut feeling. If he was there and ok someone would of told me by now surely?? If not there then not got a clue where he could be...

elba I hope you are ok

Bless you ranger that sounds horrible. No good advice here I’m afraid but definitely a good idea I think to go to the gp.
theanswer good plan, and glad your hangover isn’t too bad
hope LOLing at SIL’s requests, personally I’d be tempted to get her a cheap bottle of asti and a boots own face cream as payback but that’s me (petty emoticon). Am sure boots do cheap gift sets, the 3 for 2 offers etc? Maybe get that and then there’s two xmas pressies sorted too.
rise hope you’re feeling a bit better now.
elba I know it’s easy to say, but no news really IS good news. If the worst had happened, the police would have been onto you asap. The police are swamped atm and informing you might have slipped their minds (absolutely not acceptable of course, but if something bad had happened they would have got in contact already). Is there anyone at all that can come over and sit with you, an auntie, a next door neighbour, someone on your street you’re vaguely friendly with? Do you have another phone (i.e mobile, or house phone if using mobile?) to ring up? I really hope everything it sorted now. I’d ring back 101 and explain; they must know something by now. While you’re waiting keep posting on here, we can be a virtual ‘sit with you’. Massive hugs (((((((((()))))))))))
Interview went well everyone; they didn’t even ask why I left previous job. Hours are 3-6 five times a week so not lots, but there will be a lot of overtime on offer apparently, so that’d be good. Better than jobseekers anyway. They’ll let me know by the end of the week. Have already applied for another nursery nurse job and am now in the process of applying for a residential support worker job for a children’s home nearish me. Have another job to apply for by Friday, working for the DWP in a jobcentre – very ironic I know, but I would be a nice, helpful and cheerful advisor instead of a jobsworth

elba any news ?
made great news about the job interview my DD worked for a short while in Job Centre and loved it. Great that you are at least getting a few interviews ........something will turn up

riseshine forgot to say hello.
Just try to get through today in any way that you can. We have all been there

elba hope he turns up ok
hope yes to low carbing. started today but am so hungry I just had a bowl of muesli, which isn't allowed I suspect. Need a bigger breakfast I think. Need to lose at least a stone. Having a shitty day though, and thoughts turning to wine.....
riseshine are you feeling any better?

Sorry. He's fine- rang them back and they had been there and he wasn't in. His slightly bonkers friend had me about to phone hospitals etc then report him missing then tried his phone again and he answered. Then he shouted at me as police had been in the flat (has a key safe). Wants me to phone later as his 'healer' was about to come round...probably to tell me about his latest 'past life regression' (wish I was joking- last time it was a Russian tsar..). Should be feeling relieved but just feel shit; hate having to have anything to do with him which probably makes me sound like a total bitch. And now dreading having to talk to him again later, the thought actually makes me feel a bit sick. Very tempted to just get drunk and ignore it all

Just read that back and realised it probably makes me sound like a freak...i am (I hope!) in no way as barking mad as he is

made great news about interviews, lots of fingers crossed for you! Let us know how you get on.

elba that doesn't make you sound mad at all. These things are meant to try us, and it can't be easy. You sound like are coping remarkably well though. (Have to admit, 5)3 Russian tsar thing did make me giggle a bit, which one was it - Nicholas? They all seemed to be called Nicholas...) for you xxx

Sorry elba not helpful at all But I am pmsl at the Russian czar
ma my thoughts are also turning to wine tonight as just found out that it's a possibility that none of my adult DC s will be able to spend Christmas with me due to work commitments
Anyway will try to resist
Hi to everyone else

Not just any tsar...Peter the Great apparently . It does amuse me in a kind of ironic way, and also demonstates his narcissism perfectly.

Trying to drag myself out for a run...it's cold, nearly dark and pissing it down here. Then, I'm ashamed to say, I'm going to drink. Genuinely can't cope with calling him otherwise .

elba totally understand I never phone my DM without first pouring myself a drink.
Wish it wasn't so but............I totally get it

It's shit really sober isn't it? I've been looking at the phone for the last 15 minutes and putting off ringing (didn't run in the end). The thought of speaking to him makes me kind of cringe and panic. And of course the wine is on the go which wasn't in the plan for today.

I know what he wants to talk about (he wants me to arrange power of attorney), but now I'm also trying to contemplate the ethics of accepting power of attorney for someone I hate . I really don't want any contact with him anymore but it's too late for that now as he's too old/frail. I know it's going to make me sound like a totally heartless bitch, but a bit of me was almost disappointed when he turned up safe That's an awful thing to think though and I hate myself for it.

No elba it's not awful. Only you know the complete history, and you are entitled to feel how you do. Peter the great?! My moment was on Nicholas the second! Have you got siblings who could maybe take some of the strain off you? I understand the heartache of hAving a frail parent. My dad died three years ago, after my mother drove him away. She has become stranger and stranger since, ranting and raving at me for whatever reason. My sister doesn't help the situation, being an alcoholic herself, constant relapses, going missing and ending up passed out on the street etc etc etc. Which of course gives my mother something to fixate on, which makes the whole thing worse. It's a sad thing.

elba .......you will have your reasons

Elba, hugs xxx

elba I’m glad he’s ok, but sorry about how you’re feeling. You’re not awful at all – you care, and you’ve been through a lot by the sound of it. Besides, no one can tell you how you should or should not feel because they’ve not been through what you have. And even if they had, they still don’t have a right as everyone’s different and no one can judge anyone else! Your earlier post shows that you DO care, and that’s remarkable as you’ve been through a lot! (Clambers off soap box ) Take a pint of water to bed with you tonight, is there any way you can have a lie in tomorrow? Plenty of water to drink tonight will help you feel a bit better in the morning And please be kind to yourself.
ma just to tempt you off the wine – a pack of crisps probably has less carbs and calories than wine not based on any actual scientific fact but let’s ignore that think of how good your diet has gone today and how it’s not worth having wine when you could have something yummier
Hope everyone’s evenings are going ok am currently sat on chair unable to move as dog has decided I make a better bed than her actual bed with comfy toys, and whines every time I move. Softy that I am I hate making her whine. It’s been a hard day for her, what with escaping through tiny hole in fence and rolling in sheep shit, drenching me when getting bathed, arguing with a staffy through our front gate, licking the jam off mam’s toast, and demanding to be let out every 2 minutes then banging to come in not a minute later she is not, as you would expect, a puppy but rather a naughty but cute 5yo

I hung up on him and unplugged the landline, after listening to lots of his ranting and shouting. He won't phone my mobile as they cause cancer apparently (him not me, he wouldn't give a shit if I got ill). But of course there would be a spiritual healer to cure it somewhere so all would be good

I have so many reasons to hate him but they all make me hate myself too. But today was going to be a good day, no hangover, planned three proper meals (yes I'm that shit at life that that is what I have to do) and was going for a 5 mile run before the rain started. I wasn't going to fucking drink either but now pretty drunk and still going. Clearly just crap at life sorry for the self absorbed posts.

elba You are NOT crap at life. You are an amazing woman who is trying her best which is all any of us do. Well done on the planning 3 proper meals cos that’s more than I can do at the moment - just winging it and eating what I fancy today. Well done on being assertive, you don’t need to deal with that crap. Parents tend to just expect respect, without giving us any - well mine do sometimes anyway. The best laid plans and all that, don’t beat yourself up with the running - the weather is horrendous. I can confidently say that I’ve failed at the things you’ve listened, am sure others have too. If you take only one thing from this please let it be this - You are NOT crap or awful, you ARE amazing, strong and brave.

elba please stop beating yourself up. Please darling? Sorry, not much help. Just sat and cried my eyes out about an advert about abuse of dogs... my pup looked at me like I was mad.

Argh I've lost the plot. Friend is coming over tomorrow with her gorgeous little girl - she is 5 months old. Love them both, but ever so slightly jealous of her, gorgeous husband, gorgeous house, gorgeous baby and gorgeous dog.

Why can't that be me?? I am 32 now. Never going to happen for me, is it? Off to drown sorrows. I may as well give up now

Elba the father relationship is difficult. Mine was an abusive drunk. Now he's a confused old man with dementia in a care home and I visit him out of pity but nothing else. You can't change the past but you can stop it destroying the present and the future. I've been doing well with the low carbing until DH won 170 quid on the horses and now we arw having takeaway!

Hi all
Hope your days were OK elba and la.
ma enjoy every bite.
Just checking in. Ended up having wine last night. But today not. So, that's a start

So extremely low today, to the point it's scaring me. Probably drinking didn't help, not drinking today but only because it feels as pointless as everything else and it would mean getting dressed and going out. Hate that he still has the power to make me feel like this.

Elba I believe the saying is that life sometimes throws us a curve ball, or something like that. Basically, shit happens. You had your day all planned, all nicely set up and then, bam, all that business with your dad.

It's thrown you, my lovely, knocked you off balance that's all. You can get back up, you can get back on track. You know you can. When you're ready.

Regarding the power of attorney and everything else - if you don't want to do it, then don't. You owe him nothing and no-one will think bad of you. People who don't know what you've been through don't matter and those that do will understand.

Do what is best for you. You have to make your sobriety a priority and that means putting your needs first. Try not to stay up too late tonight. Give yourself permission to grieve, let it out, acknowledge it and then put it to bed for now.

You too. Do the drill - have a big drink of water, clean your teeth, jammies on and into bed x