42 sorry that your feeling sad and that things are so difficult with your H. Sorry too for what you've been for with your mother, and thank you for your lovely post and understanding.
made well done on the second interview!
Sorry to sort of disappear- working stupid hours, and not sleeping either. Heard nothing from my father since I hung up on him on Monday- but have had the landline unplugged, mobile off and voicemail disabled- adopting the head in sand approach. Waiting for his next move though, which from past experience could mean anything from sending multiple bunches of flowers to suicide threats (a particularly cruel tactic given family history). Anything to make me give in and contact him. So I was even nervous checking the post when I got home from work. Pathetic really, feel like I'm in hiding even though he's miles away.
Keep going over so much in my head to the point I'm almost disconnected from everything else. Last time I saw him he kept staring at me in the eye, asked me if it made me uncomfortable then laughed when I said yes. He told me it was his right as I was his daughter. For some reason this keeps playing over and over in my head and I genuinely can't work out who, if anyone, was wrong or if it's just me overreacting.
Haven't had a drink since Monday though, so at least have kept mainly af (25 out of 28 days so far), but I think that's why I'm feeling things so acutely. On the plus side I had so much weird energy going round the other morning that I managed a 6 mile run at 5am. Keep trying to remind myself nothing's actually changed. I think for a while on Monday I thought that this was actually 'it'; I've been half expecting (waiting?) him to go for the last few years (multiple health issues he won't get treated for). Feel like a heartless bitch admitting that.
Sorry for such a long rambling post, probably not the right place to write all that but just need a bit of a rant I think. And sorry for being a miserable cow, I will try and snap out of it I promise.