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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overheard Sil talking about me, devastated

236 replies

cocochanel21 · 02/01/2016 21:00

This is my first time posting I really need some advice. Background I've been with my DH for 10 yrs married for 6. We both had DCS from previous relationships as we both were teenagers when we had DCS having a child together was never on the cards we were both happy with our lives.
Last year I fell pregnant, we were shocked after much soul searching and tears (me) We decided to continue with the pregnancy.
When I was 7 mths pregnant my DD1died suddenly i was devastated and the last 2mths of my pregnancy were horrendous i felt completely numb and just wanted to be with my DD.
My gorgeous DD2 arrived 5weeks ago i fell in love with her the minute i set eyes on her. I'm still Greiving and have bad days but I'm trying to get on with things.
Yesterday my 2Sils and a friend came for lunch i was upstairs feeding the baby when I came down they were in the kitchen talking about me and DD1. SIL was saying that i looked terrible and she didn't understand as DD had been a total nightmare and she was glad her brother didn't need to put up with all the trouble she had caused anymore. The other 2 never pulled her up.
I somehow managed to get through lunch then made excuses to get rid of them. I spent the rest of the day in tears and I've spent today wanting to go to her door and tell her I heard what she said.
I miss my DD1 so much and don't understand why somebody can be so cruel.I feel such a failure as a mum and my gorgeous LO is stuck with me.

OP posts:
Sunnybitch · 03/01/2016 16:37

I have to say that your dh response has brought a smile to my face. I'm so glad that he was there for you straight away and kicked ass. You have a good man there and I hope that one day you have some sort of piece from the heartache that you have been through, take care coco

Lauren15 · 03/01/2016 16:44

Another one who wants to express sympathy with you for the horrible time you're going through. I can't imagine how you feel. I'm glad you have such a lovely husband beside you right now.

bishboschone · 03/01/2016 16:45

What a brilliant dh!! How vile was your sil !

Salene · 03/01/2016 17:01

Those people are scum.

Good f-ing riddance

Your DH is a star, I'm so glad to did what he did.

Also so sorry for your loss, how utterly devastating for you both.

Don't give them fools another thought, they are not worth it

Whatsername24 · 03/01/2016 18:28

Coco, your husband is an absolute star!!! Star

saffronwblue · 03/01/2016 18:50

Another poster feeling sorrow for your great loss and pain for the unbelievable cruelty of your sil. Also great admiration and respect for your Dh. You are clearly a wonderful mother.

Wishfulmakeupping · 03/01/2016 20:02

Your dh is a good man OP.
I'm so sorry you've been let down by your sil and friend at this time but you deserve better than those disgusting comments and the others not standing up for you.
I hope you and dh can grieve in peace now with love and support from true friends xxx

Firsteverchangeofname · 03/01/2016 20:06

She spoke of the dd you lost as a 'nightmare'?

How awful and Inhumane

So sorry zip

Firsteverchangeofname · 03/01/2016 20:06

'Op'

loopsylala · 03/01/2016 20:15

what a horrible thing to have happened!

Why would she say that? what was your DD like? (not that it would in any way justify what she said though)

Are your DH's parents supportive?

Treasures · 03/01/2016 20:20

Oh coco I had a lump in my throat reading this thread. So very sorry for the devastating loss of your DD, and congratulations on the birth of baby DD Flowers

Disgusted by your SIL. I can't imagine how upsetting it must have been to overhear her awful words.

My heart really lifted when I read what your husband has done! What an absolute keeper Smile

Saxons · 03/01/2016 20:21

It's odd that friend would only have spoken up if she knew you'd heard. I'd always have my friends back regardless of if they were there or not

Fueledwithfairydustandgin · 03/01/2016 20:26

As someone who has a very non confrontational DH I'm a bit in love with your DH

LittleBeautyBelle · 03/01/2016 20:38

I'm with Fueledwithfairydustandgin

At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, OP, you have your brave knight there. He literally rode his horse, I mean car, at the first sound of your cry in the wee hours, to avenge you, not to one, nor two, but three strongholds and defended your honor.

Well done, OP's DP!!!!!!

eatyouwithaspoon · 03/01/2016 20:40

Gosh how awful, I wonder in their silence they just didnt know what to say to Sil? I am sorry for your loss and congratulations on dd2
Flowers

greencarbluecar · 03/01/2016 20:50
Skullyton · 03/01/2016 20:52

Your DH is quite exceptional, i dont know many people who would actually barge into their siblings houses in the wee hours.

Lets hope he doesn't get arrested for abuse! That really will be quite a tale to tell!

greencarbluecar · 03/01/2016 20:52

He clearly loves you very much. Hold onto that thought love, his evil sister can't touch you.

Whatsername24 · 03/01/2016 21:26

Fueledwithfairydustandgin I'm in awe of the OP's husband too, mine would have had to sleep on it and then decided to just let things go because he didn't want to start a family argument...

ExitPursuedByABear · 03/01/2016 21:29

Yeah go DH

PrincessMouse · 03/01/2016 21:43

Op your DH sounds like a good man. Under the circumstances I hope you are keeping as well as you can Flowers

aurynne · 03/01/2016 22:26

Cocochanel, what an awful, awful thing for your SIL to say and what an awful thing to overhead, I have no words Sad

It is entirely your decision if, who and when to forgive. I also believe what your SIL said is unforgivable, even more after her reaction to your DH. However, it is possible that your other SIL and friend were so shocked at what she said that they did not react at the time. I have had this happen before to me when somebody said something horrible, my brain took some time to process it, I was almost waiting for a "punch line" or a confirmation that I had misheard. I took the person up for it hours later.

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your wonderful DD. Nothing will make you heal, but I hope your DD2 brings some happiness to your heart. My sister and I would have probably been defined as "a total nightmare" by your "lovely" SIL, it was a phase we had when we were little when we absolutely hated each other. We were children. Now we are best friends in the world. What an ignorant, horrible thing of your SIL to say, how in hell could she ever spew those horrible words out of her filthy mouth!

Big, big hugs.

aurynne · 03/01/2016 22:28

*to overhear, not "overhead"

PiglettWithAttitude · 04/01/2016 00:19

Aw OP, I nearly cried reading this update. Good on your lovely DH.

hellsbellsmelons · 04/01/2016 10:25

I cannot even begin to imagine what it must have been like to lose your DD1.

Your SIL is vile piece of scum.
Your 'friend', well.... no words.
Your DH - he is a superstar.
Lean on him, hug him, cry, what ever you need to do.
He's sounds like someone who will be there for you no matter what.
Bless him and bless you and bless your DD's.