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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Overheard Sil talking about me, devastated

236 replies

cocochanel21 · 02/01/2016 21:00

This is my first time posting I really need some advice. Background I've been with my DH for 10 yrs married for 6. We both had DCS from previous relationships as we both were teenagers when we had DCS having a child together was never on the cards we were both happy with our lives.
Last year I fell pregnant, we were shocked after much soul searching and tears (me) We decided to continue with the pregnancy.
When I was 7 mths pregnant my DD1died suddenly i was devastated and the last 2mths of my pregnancy were horrendous i felt completely numb and just wanted to be with my DD.
My gorgeous DD2 arrived 5weeks ago i fell in love with her the minute i set eyes on her. I'm still Greiving and have bad days but I'm trying to get on with things.
Yesterday my 2Sils and a friend came for lunch i was upstairs feeding the baby when I came down they were in the kitchen talking about me and DD1. SIL was saying that i looked terrible and she didn't understand as DD had been a total nightmare and she was glad her brother didn't need to put up with all the trouble she had caused anymore. The other 2 never pulled her up.
I somehow managed to get through lunch then made excuses to get rid of them. I spent the rest of the day in tears and I've spent today wanting to go to her door and tell her I heard what she said.
I miss my DD1 so much and don't understand why somebody can be so cruel.I feel such a failure as a mum and my gorgeous LO is stuck with me.

OP posts:
venusinscorpio · 02/01/2016 23:22

Your sister in law sounds like a sociopath, to be frank. How can she not get that you'd still be grieving over the loss of your daughter and that you'd look "terrible"? Who sees a positive side to the death of any child, let alone a family member's? My heart goes out to you, it's only been a few months since you lost your daughter. It sounds like you're doing brilliantly with your new baby. Please tell your DH about this asap, don't go until Weds without any real support. You don't ever have to see her again if you don't want to. I wouldn't.

Rosyglow74 · 02/01/2016 23:23

Please tell your husband and I pray that he gives her the biggest tongue lashing he can. Vile, despicable creature.

Surround yourself with the unconditional love from your little one, and remember her beautiful sister through her. Grief is the price we pay for love.

ExBallerina · 02/01/2016 23:31

I am so so sorry about your DD. And to read this. What a miserable cunt she is. Flowers

Howaboutthisone · 02/01/2016 23:31

I haven't read the full thread yet but will do. You sil is vile. That is horrendous. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that your new arrival gives some comfort.

LittleBeautyBelle · 02/01/2016 23:35

Flowers it doesn't get any more sickening than that, those terrible casual remarks about your dd1. I'm so sorry, coco. You have your little dd2, hang in there, please know that your sil is vile.

I don't know what to advise yet because I am still speechless. The other two people may have been struck dumb as well when they heard sil spew her nasty opinions. Enjoy your little one and try to rest when you can, your dc and dh need to be caring for and supporting you right now. I hope they are. Hugs to you.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 02/01/2016 23:37

I'm not surprised he has little time for her if she's such a heartless twat.

So sorry for your loss and that you had to hear such vile words. Thanks

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 02/01/2016 23:39

No 'normal' person would say such a thing.

From this, I can only conclude there is something wrong with your SIL. Not that this means you should excuse her but just that what she says carries no weight.

Do you know what was said just before she said it?

Giving your friend the botd (it's unlucky OP that you are unlucky enough to know 2 such warped people), she may have been saying something like "poor coco what a terrible thing to happen how do you think she is." To which SIL replied with her poison out of jealousy and then your friend didn't want to reply in case you walked in and heard her telling your SIL off and then had to explain what she was telling her off for.

Because if I were your friend I would never want you to know that anyone could even think such a dreadful thing let alone say it and I too think I'd really struggle to know what to say.

How your friend is towards your SIL may speak volumes.

Especially if unlike your SIL, your friend has no form for being nasty.

As I say the chances of you knowing more than one person who is this appalling far from normal human emotions seems slim.

Gazelda · 02/01/2016 23:40

so sorry for your loss. Your SIL has been unforgiveably cruel. I agree that you should tell your DH asap. Ask him to deal with his SIL, including uninviting her from your new little baby's christening and telling her not to contact you until she is invited to offer her grovelling apology to you (if you can bear to ever see her again).

Whatamuckingfuddle · 02/01/2016 23:50

This is the worst thing I've ever read here. I'm so sorry OP, definitely make sure she knows you heard it if you can bring yourself to, or get DH to confront her

Whatsername24 · 03/01/2016 00:15

Firstly, I'm so sorry to read about your daughter Flowers

I'm another who had to read your post a couple of times to make sure I'd understood it properly. What an incredibly vile thing to say, she definitely needs to know that you heard every word and needs to be uninvited from the Christening - her presence will spoil what should be a special day. Please tell your husband as soon as possible so that he can deal with the vicious cow.

Congratulations on your new baby xxx

leghoul · 03/01/2016 00:23

I'm really so sorry to hear about DD1. I think you need to let your DH talk to SIL and I think it's completely understandable if you want a LOT of distance between you now. The comments she made were coming from ignorance clearly but there's no way you won't remember what she said and the pain she has caused you, and the undertone of being glad about it, frankly. But people do say some horrific things when DCs die and the fewer negative people near you the better as you go forwards.

Original poster
cocochanel21 · 03/01/2016 00:57

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel really stupid I've cried and being on my knee's in front of my Sil she probably went home and spoke about how pathetic i was. She was my Dd i had her when I was a teenager and it was just the 2 of us till I met my DH. I always wanted the best for her and to have everything I didn't.She was 23 when she died.

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 03/01/2016 01:01

You are a wonderful mum. You must miss her so much. Are you with someone? I think you need to call your DH now.

ohtheholidays · 03/01/2016 01:02

Coco my darling you haven't been stupid you were being normal your SIL doesn't sound like she's capable of being the same.

I bet from the way you talk about your DD that she adored you and she knew how much you adore her.

needygonzales · 03/01/2016 01:05

Coco I can't imagine how heartbreaking it must be to be thinking about what else your SIL may have said but really, she is not worth your tears. She has proved that beyond any doubt today.

Just the two of you for 23 years is really special, I bet you had a wonderful bond. And no words, no matter how spiteful, can change that.

Please do speak to your DH when you're ready, SIL must face the consequences of her disgusting behaviour.

SuckingEggs · 03/01/2016 01:15

Fucking HELL! Your sil is vile vile vile.

Please tell your DH ASAP so he can tell these people to fuck off for good.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

Rosyglow74 · 03/01/2016 01:17

Coco, take comfort from the thoughts of all the lovely, caring people here. They are representative of how decent folk feel. Your SIL, on the other hand, is actually to be pitied for having no compassion or real love in her life. Sad, sad woman. You really shouldn't allow her to be part of yours or your little one's life any more. She is not worthy of you sweetie.

Hayels · 03/01/2016 01:32

What a fucking hideous thing to say. She is a cunt of the highest order. I feel like even if you told her you had heard her and how much it hurt you, it wouldn't even mean anything to her because she can't have a fucking heart to have said that in the first place. I would tell your husband though. He needs to understand why you're so upset and what a bitch she is.
Lots of love to you. Sympathies on losing your dd1 but congratulations on dd2, this must be such a conflicted time for you xxx

MiscellaneousAssortment · 03/01/2016 01:32

What a nasty piece of work. You poor thing.

Do what feels right to you at the moment, and don't get drawn into a blazing row unless that's what will help you. These kind of things can escalate with parent-in-laws taking sides or trying to get everyone to agree there's fault on both sides and shake hands etc.

But don't get drawn in and don't open it out for discussion unless you want to. I think the main thing at the moment is to protect you from her foulness, rather than mete out justice... You should be allowed to grieve and to get to know your baby which is quite enough without some bitch trying to make it all about her in some warped way.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP Flowers

FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/01/2016 01:33

I too have never read such and awful thread Sad

Please tell your dh. Also go with your instinct over your friend. If she's a good friend she may have just been trying to protect you by omission? How the hell do you tell someone that their SIL said that? She's probably still in shock?

I really feel for you losing your dd. x

SmellyFartado · 03/01/2016 01:37

Oh my darling. They are just vile. Don't bottle this up, phone your DH and tell him and let him deal with the scum that they are then together, cut the mean bitches out of your lives. You don't need that nastiness around you.

schlong · 03/01/2016 08:17

You aren't up to dealing with the fucker directly so text her you overheard, what a callous bitch she is and that you want nothing more to do with her. Tell DP and let him go ballistic at her. She deserves it. If your friends can't give a valid reason for their silence cut them off too. So sorry for you.

Prettyinblue · 03/01/2016 08:20

Don't waste time or energy thinking anymore about your vile sil. She is literally not worth it. There is no way you can ever have her near you again. She is out of your life.

Your other sil and friend you can give the benefit of the doubt to. Individually tell them what you heard and how upset you are. And take it from there.

timelytess · 03/01/2016 08:23

She was my Dd i had her when I was a teenager and it was just the 2 of us till I met my DH. I always wanted the best for her and to have everything I didn't.She was 23 when she died
Flowers And tears. And gentle hugs.

fitforflighting · 03/01/2016 08:30

Tell your dh. He will need to know why you are feeling so bad so he can support you. He would want to know.