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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 10!!!!

1000 replies

CheesyNachos · 28/12/2015 06:22

Welcome! This is the thread for those of us who want to abstain from alcohol. We are all at different stages of our journey, and many of us have some hiccups along the way, but we are committed to an exciting, fulfilling, joyful life alcohol-free.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2485290-DRY-9?pg=1

Everyone is welcome!

OP posts:
gladistopped · 21/01/2016 23:31

My Dad not my Dan

Orange1969 · 22/01/2016 01:43

Glad - an uncle of mine (by marriage) has ADHD and is an alcoholic. He is exhausting to be around. He drinks all day and is not secretive, unlike me some drinkers.

His ex wife unwittingly enabled him by driving him to and from the pub (he was mostly banned for DUI) and doing all the driving on long journeys so he could drink all through the journey.

He has lost just about everything. He is lovely when sober (albeit v hyperactive) but aggressive and confrontational when drunk. He has lost two marriages and has no contact with his daughter or grandchildren. He won a lot of money on the lottery some years back - it's all gone.

It's so sad. I used to look at him and wonder why he needed to drink.

Now, I don't feel superior. The only difference between me and him is that he AFAIK) has never tried to get sober.

LikeaHurricane · 22/01/2016 07:44

Glad you are an amazing lady. You've survived abuse not once but twice??? You must have the most incredible inner strength. You're probably feeling how you do because you're sober and you are seeing things clearly for the very first time. In some ways whilst it may not feel like it, that's A really good thing because you will be able to deal with it I think.....thank goodness, fate, wonderful luck and everything else for your lovely husband!!! You are very lucky in that respect. As for other people and why you feel you need to apologise....you don't, you really don't and whatever happened most likely wasn't all your doing, it very rarely is in the cold light of day. None of that is happening now. None of it will happen ever again so please forgive yourself and show yourself some kindness and compassion for feeling how you do....I learned a lot through the mindfulness course I undertook and one thing I do know is that most of the thoughts that come into your head are not true, they are just thoughts xxxx Flowers Flowers Flowers

CheesyNachos · 22/01/2016 08:34
Thanks
OP posts:
Loubilou09 · 22/01/2016 10:10

Dona I think it is really important you post and I get a lot from your posts. I agree that it is so much easier when you look at someone else and realize others can get through it therefore so can I. I am only 19 days in this time but it does feel a little bit different....I don't know why but before when I have given up it has been more of "I need to give up" rather than "I want to give up". I too am worried about some big events later in the year more so than the drinking at home. Although very early days the drinking at home is not too much of a problem apart from Sundays (still find that roast cooking hard without a glass of wine). I don't think anyone noticed my last post whereby I said I was worried about the business flight, but a couple of days of self-evaluation an talking to myself I am re-thinking that one and asking myself do I really want to arrive at my destination dry mouthed, thumping head, scratchy eyes, smelly breath etc from having a few too many in the business lounge or on the plane. I think people refer to this as playing the tape forward? I was also worried about a work conference next week but think actually that is going to be okay - we shall see.

Well done everyone to getting to where you are - onwards and upwards X

LikeaHurricane · 22/01/2016 11:58

Loubilou I'm sorry, I did notice and read your post because you mentioned 4th February which is a significant date for me (my birthday) Smile but I kind of didn't know how to advise you as I'm so early into my own sobriety......since then I've downloaded the Andrew Johnson app, which I can really recommend and looked at www.sobersassylife.com/10-days-2-kick-start-sober-sassy-life/ and registered for the 10 day course on her site as it's free and I thought I'd nothing to lose by doing it. Don't know if it will be any good but I hope so.... I've also registered for Lucy's site and I receive her weekly emails and read her blog and her e book (which I will review) and just trying to read as much as I can. I hope that helps and I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner xx Flowers

Umpteen · 22/01/2016 15:08

Loubiloo, i DID notice your question about sober flying and have been meaning to answer you!

For me flying is a huge big trigger. I live in Asia but travel back to the UK regularly. For the last couple of years, when I had several failed cracks at sobriety, the flights were always a stumbling block. It's so easy to drink before and during flights because of the availability and the anonymity. Also I get anxious about the whole process of being on time, going through security, and all that. I hate the feeling that if I step out of line someone might shout at me or shoot me! So, all in all, it is very difficult for me not to drink in that situation and I have been very drunk on some journeys.

I am now four months into sobriety and it is going well. I have made a few sober flights in that time. I was very anxious about whether I could do it, but I could, and did. I made sure that I packed my bag 24 hours in advance (to cut down on the packing-flapping that triggers me). Also I make sure to arrive very early at the airport (to cut down on the being-late anxiety that triggers me). Also I eat a nice big cake or something at the airport (cut out the hunger triggers). I have a brand new book and magazine that I am looking forward to starting. I have a bag of fudge in my hand luggage. I plan what films I will watch. I think ahead about what drink I am going to ask for, so that I don't go into automatic pilot and ask for a double G&T!

In short, I find it takes planning. Also it is worth playing the film to the end, as you just said.

donajimena · 22/01/2016 17:19

loubi I'm dreading sober flying! Where else is acceptable to have a glass of wine at 630am. I will ask the doctor for some diazepam and hope he comes good. Im a very nervous flyer.
I am having a huge craving for cava/prosecco. It just so happens that is what I have in my kitchen...
however as I never usually drink fizzy stuff I can only conclude I am bloody parched and need fizz so I have asked my good old dad to bring me a can on his way over.
I can honestly say that if I didn't have a regular 9am comittment on a Saturday morning (which I LOVE) I'd probably struggle or give in tonight. So I am sending fri night strength to those who need it (me included)
I've already had my bath so I can't even look forward to that! Confused

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 17:55

Hmm dona and loubi re the flying - I think "playing the tape forward to the end" is the way to go. Also for anyone feeling very nervous or anxious is it worth seeing your GP for a mild sedative? Or maybe try some of the herbal OTC remedies to help you relax?

LikeaHurricane · 22/01/2016 18:15

Donaj I'm with you in your Friday night beng strong club if you'll have me Smile Friday's, Saturday's and Sunday's are my trigger points as I never have drunk Monday to Thursday but then could easily get through at least 6 bottles of Malbec or Shiraz to myself at weekends. Then feel absolutely shit and quite frankly not fit for work on the Monday.
Friday was always the best though.....in terms of looking forward to it........ We CAN do this you know, I think we have to, I do for sure......
Have you ever tried the Andrew Johnson Self hypnosis app that Glad recommended? I love it. I've listened the last few nights on the sleep mode.....(but can't remember the end of it although apparently that doesn't matter) and I've just listened now on the wake mode. I don't know why but I think it's great xx

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 18:23

Hurracane I have signed up to Sobersassylife as well!

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 18:34

And yes to Andrew Johnson :) I honestly think he is why I am now on day 37 :) When I feel a wobble I plug in my earphones and listen on maximum strength therapy :)

donajimena · 22/01/2016 19:24

hurricane the more the merrier or not so merry well my dad didn't get the memo on the coke so its water! Sad
I think I will try the app today Smile
Yes Friday nights. One white, one red a vodka... all by myself Hmm I did enjoy the anticipation. The first drink.. the second... asleep by 9. Wake up at 2am on the sofa! I don't miss that! Smile oh and of course that big puffy mess that greeted me in the mirror on Saturday morning (or any other morning for that matter) I don't miss that old bag!

LikeaHurricane · 22/01/2016 19:57

Congratulations Glad!! Day 37 is fab, well done xx

LikeaHurricane · 22/01/2016 19:58

Donaj let us know what you think about the app xx

Lucy2610 · 22/01/2016 20:04

Glad I see a therapist who specialises in addiction, family and trauma and she is superb. Try having a look on the BACP website who will have a list of therapists and their postcodes so you can find one close to where you live :)

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 22:34

Thank you lucy I have had a look :)

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 22:37

I have actually seen one locally in the past - 15 years ago. Maybe I should re visit her?

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 22:39

Sent her an email. Thanks for the nudge Lucy

Lucy2610 · 22/01/2016 22:46

You're welcome lovely Flowers As supportive as AA are & as valuable as doing the steps can be I think sometimes we need a trained professional :)

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 22:49

yep I think I am at that point tbh where I need expert outside help :)

donajimena · 22/01/2016 23:31

glad well done on making inroads! Smile
well here we are almost into Saturday and I am dry. Smile
I hope you lovely lot are too. I have just come to bed with my herbal tea and as I boiled the kettle it reminded me of the sounds that used to come from next door when the windows were open (summer)
The sound of a kettle boiling in the evening. I just couldn't for the life of me figure out how anyone could not drink alcohol past wine o clock. Hmm
when I look back at most of last year and my vague thoughts of stopping I honestly don't think I could have stopped at that point.
I can't believe that something in November made it click (I don't think it was my friends death). I also don't think it was her lovely neighbour (who can't drink due to health issues) who talked with me and suggested I give sobriety a go.
Whatever it was I'm very very grateful to have been given this opportunity.
Goodnight all x

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 23:46

I'm drinking an AF chardonnay and it is nice :) Off to watch Graham Norton now and then to bed :)

gladistopped · 22/01/2016 23:47

Night night sober warriors xxx

LikeaHurricane · 23/01/2016 07:30

Good morning everyone! Sorry for being such a rubbish Friday night club member! Bed for 11pm, with my Andrew Johnson app and I still didn't stay awake until the end!!! Lovely way to feel on a Saturday morning, particularly the lack of a big red puffy face...and I'm off to running club soon Smile Glad really good move there, really good Flowers Donaj, it was water, tea and a milky coffee for me last night Smile

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