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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner in prison

224 replies

entersandmum · 29/10/2015 13:34

Hi. There are so many layers to this its like an onion.

My partner is currently being held in a foreign prison without charge.

We have been together 3.5 yrs.

I have found out, since his incarnation, he has cheated on me for the first 2 years we were together. Nothing after that.

I'm finding it really hard to stay positive, knowing this. He has admitted it but I don't want to cloud our 5 mins phone calls with this.

He says I am the strongest person he knows but I'm actually dying inside.

It's such a ridiculous situation but is anyone else going through the same?

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 29/10/2015 13:45

If he wasn't in prison would you stay with a cheat? Sounds like he is telling you what you want to hear so you won't leave him. I think you need to separate out the 2 issues and ask yourself why you are still with him. Doesn't sound like he makes you happy tbh.

Offred · 29/10/2015 13:48

Why would you even entertain the idea of a relationship with this person?

Vixxfacee · 29/10/2015 13:49

When people go to prison they cling on to someone. That person is you right now. Be prepared for him to tell you everything that you want to hear.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 29/10/2015 13:50

OP have you posted about this before? It seems familiar. If you have, he's still not been charged?!What are his legal team saying? Must be a terrible situation to be in, I really feel for you Flowers

Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 14:43

Ok. Why would I stay with him? I have no idea as I'm so much better than that.

Having him call me and hearing the desperation in his voice; I could never leave a person like that.

I do believe prison has been a massive wake up call for him especially now I also know he had a huge drug habit I wasn't aware of.

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 29/10/2015 14:44

Oh it gets worse - unfaithful and secret drug habit? Run for the hills, they are that way >>>>>

His desperation is not your problem. Do you always rescue lame ducks and try and fix everyone? Time to stop that now.

Seeyounearertime · 29/10/2015 14:45

If there was ever a thread that deserved multiple replies of LTB then this is it IMO.

Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 14:45

whatthe he still hasn't been charged. He is in a foreign prison. The last time I posted, I got absolutely flamed.

OP posts:
Offred · 29/10/2015 14:45

No, give up on this now while he is away and you have an opportunity to get away.

You do not owe him love and support and carrying on with this relationship will only bring you down:

louisejxxx · 29/10/2015 14:46

What sort of drugs? Is that relative to why he's being held in prison in another country?

SoDiana · 29/10/2015 14:50

He won't be getting out any time soon.
Forget him.

summerwinterton · 29/10/2015 14:51

And do you wonder why you got flamed?

Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 14:53

Let's just get this straight. He cheated on me for 2 years from the beginning of our relationship. He is currently in prison, in a foreign land, without charge. I don't know how long.

I know he hasn't cheated in the last year before his incarnation. LTB is such a quick and easy way to comment but, I love the guy to bits and would never leave my worst enemy in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 14:57

louise it has nothing to do with drugs. That was his own thing that I found out later and probably explains the cheating shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 14:58

Thanks summer you're so helpful

OP posts:
Dollius01 · 29/10/2015 14:59

So why won't you say what he has been arrested for?

ragged · 29/10/2015 14:59

Is he good for you, Enters?
When he's out of prison will he treat you will & help you have a good life?

ragged · 29/10/2015 15:00

*well...

hereandtherex · 29/10/2015 15:01

Is your partner British?

Is he in the a prison in his home country?

Whos says 'without charge'. He could be lying; it happens.

What's he in prison for?

Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 15:03

dollius01 what does it matter?

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 29/10/2015 15:04

he cheated on you for 2 years and you think that is acceptable? And he takes drugs.

He has zero respect for you. You are getting angry with us when that fury should be directed at him.

Good luck - you are going to need it. Nobody is going to encourage you to stay with a drug using cheat, and that is without the prison complication which you won't even say what it is for.

DameMargaretOfChalfont · 29/10/2015 15:05

OP, how have you found out that he cheated??

Are you 100% sure of your source/information.

I think your DP has a right to reply to any allegations.

If you still truely love him then carry on supporting him on a long distance basis until you can meet up and sort out the whys/wheres/whens and indeed the truth.

If however your feelings towards him begin to wane then maybe think about altering the basis of your relationship to that of friends which would leave you free to see other people.

Whatever happens put yourself first as his situation could go on indefinitely.

What country is he being held in?

SoDiana · 29/10/2015 15:06

Ffs it matters.
This is one case where I would say stay with him.
Well matched.

Original poster
entersandmum · 29/10/2015 15:06

ragged we have had an unbelievable fantastic last year or so. I'll be honest, it's probably because he hasn't been cheating on me.

OP posts:
GummyBunting · 29/10/2015 15:10

Would your life be better or worse without him in it?

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