Husband watches 'teenage' porn

[chloworm]

I've always known my husband watches porn online, and after chatting to my friends, know that it's something virtually all men do. But recently he's been accessing porn on a daily basis (I look on his laptop). It's not just the frequency that has made me upset, but the content. It always seems to be 'teen' this and 'teenage' that. I could probably cope if it wasn't always focused on very young women. We have a daughter and in a few years she'll be the same age as these women. He knows how strongly I feel about the exploitation of women and how young women are often preyed upon by older men who should know better. I find it repulsive and depressing. I'm starting to age, have had 2 children and my body shape couldn't be further from the cartoonish figures of the porn women. Our sex life has dwindled, but that is common when a couple has children and we both work long hours. I believe that sex in a loving marriage should be respectful and tender, and I won't do things that the porn women do...anal, weird positions...it would make me feel like a whore and I won't do it simply to 'spice things up'. This whole teenage business has totally put me off and I have zero sex drive now. My husband is so quiet and I just know he won't want to talk about it, but should I insist we do talk? Do men view this online version of sex as 'normal' and think their wives should do the weird stuff? I wish it was like the 70s when the only porn around was on the top shelf and much, much tamer!

Breakups if handled amicably don't fuck up kids, they don't know any different and have no experience of adult relationships and how they are run.

What fucks them up is two adults bickering and sniping at each other either during the relationship or/and whilst separating.

I get what you say about talking to him first, for me, personally the fact he was getting off sexually on viewing young naïve girls would probably make any discussion impossible, I'd really question my ability to be with a guy that did that.

Anyone searching teen porn imo isn't looking for svelte young adult females, they are deliberately searching for under age girls being sexually coerced and at times abused.

So what about 'he knows how I feel' and 'I know he won't talk about it' indicates the op has a moral responsibility to, 'for the sake of the marriage', try and get blood out of a stone again?

I don't think it is bickering that's the issue here anyway.

It is a total lack of willingness to communicate or connect with the OP on his part. Yes she could try and start an argument with him about it, or she could very calmly and amicably walk away from the relationship.

LoveandHate do I know you ?

Probably one of your exes AF...

You bitter floozy you....

and SML our "exchange" had come to a natural end

and then you dragged it up again, for no reason I can see

and I am the goady one ? The mind boggles.

Good GOD this 'I didn't name any names, I can't possibly imagine why you thought I meant you specifically' BS is childish as fuck.

nah, offy, I have all my exes under the patio remember ?

Um, because you essentially called me a porn apologist and said I was defending my own 'dodgy choices'. Remember?

But yes, let's leave it there. We'll never agree and it's already mighty tedious.

SML I'm not sure 'leave it there' followed by an insult carries much weight.

Ha! Couldn't help it. Really am leaving it now though. Look! No insult

Wow I'm not understanding all the hate for AF on this thread.

I've been on MN for years under various NN and I've always found AF to be kind, thoughtful and full of good advice.
I genuinely wish she was my friend in 'real life' because if I'd had her when my XH and I split, my life would have been 100% simpler.
If she left MN it would be all the poorer for her leaving.
I have never found her goady and you're coming off as jealous and bitter SML

OP what is the situation with you and your H now?

Another fan of AF, because she takes no shit, not just from men but from nobody, you go AF, you're an inspiration to women going through crap and you help them realise their worth, nothing wrong with that.

I have never seen AF state something which isn't utterly true. She cuts straight through the crap and always gets right to the heart of the matter without flowery platitudes. I wish I had taken her advice years ago when I was such a blooming dormouse.

What a truly darling love-in you're all having for AF. Deeply heartwarming.

gips

Seems one person's nasty two-dimensional one-trick pony is another's caped crusader. Though ain't it funny AF has only EVER helped people get out of relationships. Never come up with any other solution to a problem. Still, everyone loves a specialist!

And I suppose the law of averages dictates even her unique one-size-fits-all approach must be right sometimes...!

I just want to share my experience of being with a porn addict.
When I met STBEH he confessed he watched porn and enjoyed anal sex. Both of these I wasn't comfortable with but being liberal minded and far too laidback I accepted his tastes. At that time it wasn't a problem, he was discreet and didn't push me for anal sex.
Now I wish I had talked to him about my views. I'm not completely opposed to porn, if you search for it there is female friendly porn out there.
Over the last 5 years he became a daily porn watcher and became more pushy about anal sex until I gave in.
And the daily porn was disturbing stuff (I checked his history daily). Porn videos evolved into online chat rooms and then he was a member of a swingers site.
He chose to sit up each night and watch porn rather than come to bed with me. The only time he did come to bed was for sex. It was incredibly disheartening and I stupidly did nothing about it. I accepted that this was the way he was. He became a sex pest, most of the time we had quickies that did nothing for me, he wanted sex at inappropriate times and got annoyed with me when I refused his advances.
He's now gone after having an affair. I say I should have spoken to him but I will never know if that would have changed things.
OP, if you are reading your thread do talk to him. If you feel your marriage can survive this than do try but don't blame yourself if it doesn't

Getting out of a shit relationship is sometimes the solution to the problem...

Get over it sml, first it was she's never helped anyone, now it's you're all deluded and only left your husbands because of a stranger on the Internet.

AF was one of the first to spot the issues with my xh. I totally disagreed with the advice. I came off MN, I tried my damnedest to make things work. A year of flogging the dead horse, or more specifically a year of desperately trying to fix a relationship on my own when the issues were all his, I realised. I went back on MN and re-read my post and realised everything was still exactly the same and I gave up and told him it was over.

People don't leave their marriages because of AF, they leave because they married twats. How soon they leave is sometimes down to the support they get, including support they get online.

You deciding to work on things doesn't transform the personality or behaviour of your partner and often people on the outside are able to spot things before you or point out what you don't want to see/admit.

This orgy of back-slapping is nauseating. Of course she has supporters on here; everybody loves the firestarter. You hit the nail on the head though, SML, the advice given by this poster is never considered from any other side than 'leave the bastard'. Even benign OP's where the subject matter is light-hearted are pounced-upon and ravaged with acerbic sound bites designed to injure.

Don't be ridiculous. You guys don't like advice which suggests to women they can leave shit relationships, OK fine but you don't need to particularly target one poster or dismiss people sharing their experiences of why LTB was good advice even if they didn't realise it at first.

This orgy of back-slapping is nauseating. Of course she has supporters on here; everybody loves the firestarter. You hit the nail on the head though, SML, the advice given by this poster is never considered from any other side than 'leave the bastard'. Even benign OP's where the subject matter is light-hearted are pounced-upon and ravaged with acerbic sound bites designed to injure.

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

Presumably there are threads that aren't in Relationships that you can go and derail? Or should I say 'merail', since this outpouring of hate for AF seems to be a bizarre, attention-seeking circlejerk.

Offred, your first two paragraphs bear no resemblance to anything I've said.

On the contrary, you worked hard at your relationship then decided to leave anyway. Which is exactly what I'm advocating. I'm so far from saying people should stay no matter what. Just that it's best to try a bit before leaping to LTB!

Not least because leaving is tough, and so is rebuilding your life afterwards. In my experience, knowing you did all you could to save it but it just wasn't salvageable gets you through those painful times, when doubt, insecurity and loneliness strikes. So it's a process. And of course some marriages can be saved and harmony restored, which is good news all round.

It's just the over-simplified approach I object to. It's not helpful for most posters and those who do disagree get attacked. Not sisterly. Not healthy! That's all I'm saying.

Well yes and it was a year of pain, disruption, depression etc that could have been avoided...

Was very damaging for the children.

'Grow up'

'Jealous'

'Bitter'

'Hate'

Really, all we're saying is someone keeps parroting the same simplistic advice, and for most posters it's not helpful. Oh, and I said that person inexplicably has a cult following on here for doing just that, which has proved true. Enter the mob. Jesus. Not wonder so many folk just lurk!

Or maybe it's just that people are grateful for her advice...

I mean you are basically arguing that she is well liked and publically supported but that most posters are damaged by her advice even though many people have explained they are grateful.