Husband watches 'teenage' porn

[chloworm]

I've always known my husband watches porn online, and after chatting to my friends, know that it's something virtually all men do. But recently he's been accessing porn on a daily basis (I look on his laptop). It's not just the frequency that has made me upset, but the content. It always seems to be 'teen' this and 'teenage' that. I could probably cope if it wasn't always focused on very young women. We have a daughter and in a few years she'll be the same age as these women. He knows how strongly I feel about the exploitation of women and how young women are often preyed upon by older men who should know better. I find it repulsive and depressing. I'm starting to age, have had 2 children and my body shape couldn't be further from the cartoonish figures of the porn women. Our sex life has dwindled, but that is common when a couple has children and we both work long hours. I believe that sex in a loving marriage should be respectful and tender, and I won't do things that the porn women do...anal, weird positions...it would make me feel like a whore and I won't do it simply to 'spice things up'. This whole teenage business has totally put me off and I have zero sex drive now. My husband is so quiet and I just know he won't want to talk about it, but should I insist we do talk? Do men view this online version of sex as 'normal' and think their wives should do the weird stuff? I wish it was like the 70s when the only porn around was on the top shelf and much, much tamer!

He knows you know and he knows you don't like it but put up with it anyway.

You have a dwindling sex life and again, he doesn't care much about that. Does he want you to try different things which you'd like to try to?

If you both work long hours is he sitting up at night watching it? As opposed to spending time with you and your DC? The DC wouldn't be that devastated I expect. He would still be their father only he probably be a better one, as he wouldn't be able to waste time watching porn but would have to parent.

And most men don't sit and watch porn every night. They tend to be interacting with their families just like women. It doesn't matter what your friends say anyway - it's what you think that counts. And if you are strongly against anything other than totally mainstream in the bedroom then your friends might just agree with you to not upset you.

Personally I'd want to have a talk based on the fact I'd rather not live with someone who watched porn on a daily basis. But don't use your DC as an excuse to stay.

Great post lavender

Do you really want to raise your daughter where she can find this on a family laptop?

Would you feel comfortable hosting teen sleepovers etc with your husband in the house? I wouldn't.

This wouldn't sit right with me, the watching it daily as well as the type of porn he is watching. There's just something creepy about a grown man watching 'barely legal' porn. I don't really get it.

I do think the subject needs breaching just because of the sheer volume of porn he seems to be watching, although I'm unsure how, having not had much luck with this myself. Does he know how you feel about porn? I have had issues with my dp watching porn in the past, I don't like it, he knows this, but I accept that when my sex drive is low then he probably will use it now and then as a quick release. I would not tolerate him watching it daily and tbh it would seriously put me off wanting to have sex with him if it got to that point.

What I have found though, is that every time the subject comes up he becomes more secretive about it (yet I always seem to know when he does it). So that something to bear in mind if/when you do bring it up with him.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

By the way I'm not suggesting you don't talk to him just in case he does start hiding it better. I realise that's how my last post may read, what I meant was there may be a way of talking to him without making him feel like he has to hide it, something I have failed at doing with my own dp.

Do you think it will be acceptable for your h to watch teenage porn when your dd becomes a teenager and her nubile young girlfriends are in and out of your house while he's glued to his laptop?

Will he have become so steeped in images of grandads mature males having sex with teenage girls that he's able to create his own movies in his mind featuring your dd and her friends being shagged sexually exploited by him?

'Teenage' porn is by far the most disturbing of the freely available pornographic sites on the internet. The frequency with which your h accesses these sites suggests that he has a particular sexual interest in young girls/women, and I certainly wouldn't be comfortable about having him anywhere near a teenage dd of mine.

In your OP you speak about doing weird stuff a couple of times but state in a later post he hasn't asked you to do anything. You sound worried about it. Doing weird stuff, as you put it, doesn't make you a whore - lots of people regard different things as normal now. I think any kind of sex between consenting adults is fine as long as they are happy.

As for the porn - does sound like he's got a problem with it. I would also be worried about your dd finding it if it's on a laptop and she uses it as no doubt she's computer savvy and knows her way about. I think you need to have a chat about it find a way forward you are happy with.

I would just like to say as well that there are an increasing number of men who feel it's reasonable to expect their partners to act out everything they've seen in porn. It is very worrying indeed and I worry so much about what my daughters have in store in the not too distant future.

It is a big, big problem which did not exist when I was 20.

I agree with PPs. I don't think 'most men' watch porn and certainly most men don't watch teen porn. My DH says that it's boring after a while, and that sex is not a spectator sport.

I left a previous partner for what you are describing. I would leave in your situation OP your are getting nothing out of your marriage (of emotion value anyway).

OP - under what circumstances would you LTB?

And if I knew your DH used such porn, I wouldn't let my DD babysit your children - even if she was very very unlikely to come into contact with him.

Oh and lots of men rarely/never use porn.

He'd be out if he were mine. HTH.

My dh does watch porn - I'm not thrilled but we have had been able to communicate well about it -, but this sort of stuff turns his stomach.

Oh, and dh doesn't do it daily. Weekly, if that. If he were doing it daily I would be hearing loud alarm bells.

He has a problem and it is escalating, he now has to go on every day to get his kick, he now has to watch teenagers to get his kick. ,where do you think this ends?

Soon the teenagers won't do it for him and possibly neither will the porn. He might start having a wee look a sex chat lines or forums, after all what's the harm in that? Then he might start chatting to people, after all it's not real. Meanwhile he will withdraw sexually from you as intimacy isn't what he craves

Do you see where this leads?

The problem with disagreeing about the use of porn is that if you ask him to stop and he agrees, there will be a very high chance that he will just be lying and carry on anyway. He sees it as harmless and you as unreasonable for asking him to stop, so will probably just watch when you are not around or in bed. You will then find evidence of his continuing porn use in a few months and you now to deal with have the hurt of him lying to you as well.
I think you have to work from the premise that he uses porn and will always use porn - and then decide whether you can live with it or not.
The teen thing is worrying - not I'm sure how you can deal with that. But personally, I don't believe that it makes him unsafe around girls of that age - anymore than watching older women in porn movies would make him unsafe around them.

My 2 bad relationships ( one was 1st husband other was boyfriend after that ) were both cold bullies who thought women should be subservient and happy to be tossed around and " fucked " like blow up dolls. Funny enough they were the only 2 partners I had who were into porn in a big way....It colours their view of women. They are more of a risk to any woman they get their hands on as they do not have a realistic image of a woman as a human being. We become props in a sexual fantasy. And it feels awful. Just my experience but I bet I'm not alone in it

For god's sake woman, stop giving him the privilege of acting out his sick fantasies in your home and around your daughter.

No, not all men watch porn, especially every day, he has a problem, the fact you are even comparing yourself to children is also a worry, you are supposed to be an equal partnership in a loving relationship, he's decided to replace that with watching probably under age girls being abused, for as long as you accept this you are compliant in his actions.

Either put up or speak up.

That would be a deal breaker for me, as would having a younger woman. Simply, he believes he's entitled to sex on his terms only, and that relationships are first and foremost sexual.

I would be very, very concerned about the legality of what he's watching.

I'm a criminal lawyer and I've dealt with many indecent image cases, and 'teenage porn' is one of the search terms that is regularly used when people are viewing illegal images.

Even if he's not actively seeking out illegal content, there's a chance that he will be viewing some illegal or potentially illegal images, and the next thing you know the police are knocking on the door, with all the implications that brings for your family and children.

Leaving all that aside, I wouldn't be able to respect my partner if I knew he was actively searching for very young girls to ogle online. But the fact that it could bring real trouble to your family makes it worse still.

kungfu I wondered about this too. Surely actively googling that you want teenagers in it must trigger some sort of alarm. It must be basically searching for child porn in a way. Thank you for bringing this point to the thread. It may spur action from the absent op.

People I've dealt with often try to say that they were viewing images of older women pretending to be teenagers, but their search histories often show a progression from things like 'teen porn' to 'young teens' or 'barely legal' etc

I'd be very concerned about this situation.

My DP doesn't watch porn. He's aware of the exploitation involved. I doubt he's unique

He'd feel VERY uncomfortable with anyone who professed to enjoy 'teenage porn' what with being a fab stepdad to two teenagers. And not a pervert or an apologist.

I think there are separate issues at play here but they may be feeding into each other.

The porn:

His watching porn of teenager, that is enough to make many uncomfortable even more so when you have a DD nearing the age.

I would personally feel wrong watching teenboys doing anything sexual but I do know it's a big kink area for some.

Being a turn off- if you feel you are compared or your husband is preferring these women to you it is very normal to not want sex. Add in if you dislike porn and it's even more so.

You need to speak to him about it and explain how you feel, how I or anyone else woud feel does not mater you just must be clear on how you feel and what you want when it comes to this.

Not everyone watches porn, different stroke for different folks.

Some women do and don't and same for men.

Some people don't even really get sexual urges at all.

Sex in general:

In terms of sex, before the porn watching (that you knew of), do you think you both view sex very differently?

You also say 'weird positions' (i get the anal thing) and I wonder if combined with the loving and tender that you aren't both very different sexually, both with different things that make you horny.

You say you want loving and tender, which is completely your perrogative to and no one should make you do anything you are uncomfortable with, but I must admit with my ex (few times back), he had the same thoughts and it really cause issues for us in the bedroom.

Sex was loving, never fucking, always missionary with occasional on top and he found the idea of anything like doggy very slutty-which was upsetting to me as I loved it and felt like he was calling me slutty or even perverse because I loved spanking and anal.

As a result, I didn't want sex with him as much. I got my thrills from reading and writing erotica and in the end we broke up.

We had not much compatibility and didn't communicate it at all (especially on my side).

Yes you must talk about the porn especially.

In the 70s some men were openly abusing young girls and it was laughed off so they didn't need to any porn.

Especially if they were rich and famous.

There was a big culture of it being okay to mess around with teens, just look at tv shows like 'it used to be alright in the 70s' you see them leeching over them.

A grown man wanting to watch teenage girls in any way should male everyone uncomfortable. I pray for the day it does. I won't have to worry for my dd then.