Husband watches 'teenage' porn

[chloworm]

I've always known my husband watches porn online, and after chatting to my friends, know that it's something virtually all men do. But recently he's been accessing porn on a daily basis (I look on his laptop). It's not just the frequency that has made me upset, but the content. It always seems to be 'teen' this and 'teenage' that. I could probably cope if it wasn't always focused on very young women. We have a daughter and in a few years she'll be the same age as these women. He knows how strongly I feel about the exploitation of women and how young women are often preyed upon by older men who should know better. I find it repulsive and depressing. I'm starting to age, have had 2 children and my body shape couldn't be further from the cartoonish figures of the porn women. Our sex life has dwindled, but that is common when a couple has children and we both work long hours. I believe that sex in a loving marriage should be respectful and tender, and I won't do things that the porn women do...anal, weird positions...it would make me feel like a whore and I won't do it simply to 'spice things up'. This whole teenage business has totally put me off and I have zero sex drive now. My husband is so quiet and I just know he won't want to talk about it, but should I insist we do talk? Do men view this online version of sex as 'normal' and think their wives should do the weird stuff? I wish it was like the 70s when the only porn around was on the top shelf and much, much tamer!

Make everyone uncomfortable. Sod off auto correct.

While I think some women aren't bothered about their partners watching porn, there are many who feel deeply unhappy about it but don't feel able to say anything because it's normalised by people who say that most men do it. There's a sense that to express how you really feel is somehow 'anti-sex' or denying men's sexuality. This is bullshit. You have a right to choose not to be in a relationship with someone who uses porn. My DP knows that if I found out he'd been looking at it he'd be out the door. I recommend reading 'Getting Off' by Robert Jensen and 'Pornland' by Gail Dines. It might give you a way in to communicating with him about it - even educating him about the harm that porn can do to sexuality, relationships, and the people who work in the industry.

another op that drops a bomb and fucks off

AF to be fair if she'd posted expecting a 'men eh! Don't worry they all do it' response, she's probably pretty shaken.

could be

could not be

I always have a wry smile at the smug women who say there is no way their DH never watches porn.....don't believe it for a moment! And they know this how?

Well of course they don't know. We can't ever really know what another person does can we? I hope my DP doesn't, and I'm very clear what the consequences would be if I found out he had been. His choice.

Daisy I know it simply because I know my husband. In all the years I have known him, I have never once caught him in a lie. Not even a white one. He is scrupulously and almost painfully honest.

He is brilliant. And a feminist.

Because we talk to each other, because he has morals and principles...

I feel sorry that you've never had a really good man in your life Daisychain5 to the point you think they don't exist. That's really sad.

Ive had two good men in my life ....the fact that they may have watched/used porn for a quick wank, doesn't alter that fact!

There's a difference between using porn for a quick wank and using it on a daily basis, imo anyway.

It's not on, OP.

He's a sleaze.

Daily searches for "teen" porn does not a good man make

if you think that is ok in the context of this thread, Daisy, then I don't think that you are in any position to to judge which women are deluded and which are not

I always have a wry smile at the smug women who say there is no way their DH never watches porn.....don't believe it for a moment! And they know this how?

My DP doesn't watch porn. That's not to say he's never watched any. But I've seen his reaction to two or three porn or porn-like clips and his reaction is either disgusted or uncomfortable. And no, not the 'I'm getting a boner and will soon struggle to contain my dirty urges' kind of uncomfortable. He only masturbates very occasionally anyway. He doesn't really feel the need, and that's not because I'm some kind of handmaiden at his beck and call.

He's just not this stereotypical, out of control, highly sexed 'bloke'. He's a person, just like me, and we talk freely. We're open about absolutely everything and he wouldn't see any reason to lie about that kind of thing to me.

I always wonder what kind of a miserable existence people who post the kind of thing you have posted live. You sound like someone who used to have a problem with some aspect of her partner's behaviour and then started to put up and shut up, because 'men are like that'.

My husband is the same as smillas'

I know he doesn't watch porn. He doesn't have a computer outside of the family one and his phone is as old as the ark. Plus, he thinks porn is pretty repulsive. He has no reason to lie to me. I would not go mad at him if he said he watched porn, although obviously I wouldn't be delighted.

I would genuinely bet my house on him being truthful about the issue.

I don't think it's that unusual. My dad has never seen a porn film or clip. He's quite honest about this. We are not a family with secrets. He's fairly religious and a staunch feminist and doesn't really bother with computers etc.

The op has gone quiet. That's ok, I went quiet and NC quite a bit when posting in relationships, because it took a while for it to sink in and the get the courage to leave. Also posters where horrified at my dh and how I wasn't iyswim.

Thank you AF:) and others who stuck along. I digress. Op, yes it's shit and imagine a life without this man and also your dd is old enough to not want over nights etc, if she doesn't want to, and enjoy having a father on her own terms.

You need to think what you want - nice flat in central London near work? Or where ever you are. Without your dh firing up teen porn?

My ex is a massive twat who has a problem with women generally, but hand on heart, I know he never watched porn.
Absolutely no interest whatsoever.

Ah see now, Daisy is having a wry smile, because your just being smug and she knows your massive twat of an ex far better than you ever did. She knows that he regularly watches porn.

It's also odd the way some people (eg daisy) seem to confuse 'have watched porn' with 'regularly watch porn'. They seem to think its the same thing.

A lot of men do watch porn. But also a lot don't! I wouldn't mind my DH watching it. But he doesn't, he just doesn't feel the need to.

That said, if he did watch Porn and his niche was teenage girls, I would have a HUGE problem with that. I have teenage kids and teenage girls coming and going to the house, and I would wonder if he was perving!

Ok, the girls are 18+, but some girls are still at High School when they're 18, so I find this massively distasteful.

I think you are caught in a vicious circle now. He's watching porn more (I guess) because of the fact you don't have sex together. But you don't want sex, because of the porn!

You need to talk, and I mean really talk this one out. And soon.

OP, The daily thing is excessive and is an issue. The suggestion from this thread that the majority of men don't ever watch / use is likely naive and I expect that many of the DP who "don't use it" according to partners on this thread are just better liars.

The teen thing could well also be an issue and I would be uncomfortable with a parent of daughters (or any children) searching for it. There is so much out there, why bother going over these grey areas.

But...... In the same way that many "MILF"s online aren't actually mothers. "teen" is often Internet porn slang for "slim, svelte females without huge boobs"

It might just be a preference that he doesn't go for huge boobed curvy women and this narrows the search.

Like I say, as a parent of daughters he just shouldn't cross that line. If im right and it's just a taste thing search "slim" or similar!

Have a conversation with him, but please don't instantly LTB on the basis of ill informed responses here.

Who said the majority Lurking? So any man who doesn't want porn regularly is a liar, ok then, whatever.

Yes the teen thing is an issue, the Police monitor all access to underage porn websites and yes you can be prosecuted, that would be nice for the OP or is that me being naïve?

If he wanted to wank over women with big boobs why search daily for teen porn, that makes no sense.

You are the one that sounds ill informed, not us, and I can assure you know man I was living with would be accessing teen porn, especially when I have a daughter, but even regardless of this.

But you carry on normalising what is pretty perverted and low life behaviour.

You've misread me.

The point is that in the porn world online "teen" does not mean "teenage" it means "slim, svelte"

I'm not saying searching teen is acceptable for a parent, I've said that I don't think it is. I'm just making the point that it doesn't necessarily mean he has a thing for teenagers. If OP is a slim svelte lady then this might provide a crumb of comfort. The huge boobs was by way of contrast.

Who is saying the majority. Well I am for one. More than 50% of adult males have watched porn, I'd be stunned if it was lower

The husband of the OP is not going on "underage porn websites" he is using mainstream sites and searching teen on them.

The police do not "monitor underage websites"
They take action against them, they don't just watch them.

You are hilariously misinformed

Why can't some people get it into their heads that some men don't watch porn. Ypu are very obviously going off your own experiences. In your experience your lovely partners watch porn. In others including mine our partners do not. My d'h' is educated in the expoitation of the world of pornography and the damaging effect it has on the women involved/why women choose to do thins in the first place. The notion that knowing this, then using the images/videos etc., as 'wank fodder', just does not tally. Some men do not look at porn. Get over it.

Apologies for all the typo's

You also introduced the word regularly. I did not.

My post stated that daily was more than excessive. I don't think regular use is healthy for anyone.

Daisy is quite right as well. I'm sure the odd one of you is married to someone who is quite anti it. But I'm quite sure that some of the posters who "know their husbands" never use it are being naive.

Jesus, we are in relationships. Daily there are multiple threads from people who have discovered their partner of 20 years wasn't who they thought it was. Don't be so arrogant to assume you are all safe, nobody is.

Similarly, look at some of the responses from the posters whoae husbands "don't watch it"......

• it's rape
• it's exploitation
• porn users are vile

Etc etc. Doesn't take poirot to work out that it may not be in the husbands interests to be 100% honest given the strength of views here.

Once again, I'm not saying it's right or that OPs husband is right. I'm just saying that you need to take some of the "I know everything and I'm certain of it" attitudes in here with a pinch of salt. People don't know everything, they never will.