Husband watches 'teenage' porn

[chloworm]

I've always known my husband watches porn online, and after chatting to my friends, know that it's something virtually all men do. But recently he's been accessing porn on a daily basis (I look on his laptop). It's not just the frequency that has made me upset, but the content. It always seems to be 'teen' this and 'teenage' that. I could probably cope if it wasn't always focused on very young women. We have a daughter and in a few years she'll be the same age as these women. He knows how strongly I feel about the exploitation of women and how young women are often preyed upon by older men who should know better. I find it repulsive and depressing. I'm starting to age, have had 2 children and my body shape couldn't be further from the cartoonish figures of the porn women. Our sex life has dwindled, but that is common when a couple has children and we both work long hours. I believe that sex in a loving marriage should be respectful and tender, and I won't do things that the porn women do...anal, weird positions...it would make me feel like a whore and I won't do it simply to 'spice things up'. This whole teenage business has totally put me off and I have zero sex drive now. My husband is so quiet and I just know he won't want to talk about it, but should I insist we do talk? Do men view this online version of sex as 'normal' and think their wives should do the weird stuff? I wish it was like the 70s when the only porn around was on the top shelf and much, much tamer!

Enjoying watching women being used as wankbuckets is not something virtually all men do. You have accepted that your DH has no respect for women. I'm not sure what you expected tbh.

Why talk ?

Just get shut of the loser

I wouldn't have him living within a 100ft of me and my daughter

You don't have to tolerate this. You have a choice.

There was a thread about this six months ago or so, and there was a huge variety of opinions on what the OP should do.

I'd split this into separate issues, personally.

The people in teenage porn, as long as it's coming from respectable places, will be over 18. They are clearly dressing and behaving younger, though, and that would bother me, especially if I had children of my own. I'd talk to him about this and point that out.

Next, it's the issue of porn in general. It doesn't sound like you're happy with him watching porn at all, regardless of the age. That is okay. Not all men do it. Probably around 50% do. People who are with men who watch loads of porn tend to say everyone does it, those with people who don't say nobody does, but there's probably an even-split. If your husband is watching it daily, he's developing quite the habit. If you're not happy with this, it's totally okay to tell him so.

Finally, what your husband expects from you. There is a link between what people watch in porn and what they expect to do sexually - look at the surge in people having anal sex after it became so popular in porn. Decent men know that porn is porn, though, and they aren't expecting hour-long BJs or five-ways or athletic positions. As with anything, it's a good idea to set your boundaries.

It does sound like you need to talk to your husband. Having a sex life will take effort if you have young children and full-time jobs, but you might find that it should be a priority. You need to tell him how his regular porn watching makes you feel, that you are very uncomfortable with his penchant for teenage porn, and that in general it's stopping you from wanting to have sex with him. Perhaps he could give up for a period (he might need to stop slowly, over a few weeks, if he's watching that frequently) and you could both focus on improving your actual sex life instead?

A lot of people smoked cigarettes until we found out about the long-term damage to health ... and I think we'll find that out about porn too. Except the damage here isn't just physical; it's also emotional and psychological. So excusing your husband for watching because everyone else does it is a moot point, imo.

I would talk with him, telling him exactly what you've written here, and gauge his response. That'll give you the next step.

(For the record, I'd have fucked off long ago, I wouldn't put up with one aspect of this let alone all of them together. But I'm presuming you want to stay, so I've tried to advise on that basis).

I have accepted that all men will watch porn at some point, regardless of what my views are on it. I think rather fact he watches it every day, and the type he watches would make me really worried and I would probably give him an ultimatum.

Believe me it is not something men do in a loving relationship.
And certainly not virtually all men
You have to talk to him about it. No dialogue means no solution.
And watching teen porn is even more inexplicable with kids the same age. Just so wrong.

Should you insist that you talk about it? Absolutely.

There's a documentary on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted that shows how teenage girls end up in porn. It's not a particularly easy watch but it is incredibly matter of fact and shows just how much exploitation is rife, even amongst those who go into it stating it's their choice and that they're happy to do it. It shows a very clear path from happy high school student to "adult" appearing in porn.

I'd suggest he watches it. It will hopefully shift his perceptions and make him more aware of his viewing choices.

And like pp have said, his treatment of you needs addressing too.

Thanks, yes I think I do need to talk to him. Online porn is so accessible that I really do believe the majority of men watch it. AnchorDown think I'll take the approach you suggested. Luckily he hasn't asked me to do anything weird in bed. I would never leave him over it, it would devastate my children who love him so much.

Vile. Why would you want to be with a person who wants to watch young women being fucked by older men? They're over 18? How lovely.
It's not good or clever or something I'd countenance in a partner. Yuck.

It would 'devastate your children'????

Jesus

Ah, I see

He's great really and a fantastic father

Nothing to see here

"I would never leave him over it, it would devastate my children who love him so much".

So your feelings do not matter then, the childrens feelings trump yours.

This is a really poor argument and you know it. Staying for the sake of the children is rarely if ever a good idea because it teaches them their parents relationship was based on a lie.

Am sure your children love you just as much. They are not married to him but you are.

Your children see your unhappiness and perhaps even worse blame themselves when it is your DH who is causing you so much emotional pain.

I think that ultimatums are rarely a successful way of dealing with a problem.
I echo a lot of what Anchor said. You need to work out exactly what it is that you have a problem with and what it is that you want and expect from him.
I think that the regularity of his porn use is a massive problem.
Is he actually asking you to do things you don't want to do or do you feel pressured that you think that's what he wants?
The teen thing is a bit misleading. The teens in porn are very obviously not teenagers.

watch it yourself, make sure he can see what you're watching.

There is a massive point missed in the use of "teen" porn and the excuses people make for it and it's quite inexplicable why

Sure, the girls and boys used might be over 18 (hopefully)

But they are not portrayed to be and that is what you are wanking over...that they are "teenagers"

If the thought of that gets you off, then what does that say about you ?

Have you even spoken to him about it? You sound incredibly wet.

Oddly actually, a lot of time they unfortunately are.

There are a lot of teenage girls in the US who turn 18, graduate high school and decide a career in porn will make them rich quick. The brutal truth is that they're easily replaceable, their "career" can be over in months, but the films and images are around much longer.

But anyway. I digress. That isn't really the issue here.

No actually op. Not 'virtually all men' watch porn. Massive generalisation as it justifies your 'd'h's obsession (which it is by the way). I would be absolutely disgusted if I knew my husband was doing this and would actually leave him with no qualms. We have a daughter. And the fact that he is seeking to watch very young women and use them as wank fodder is gross. Is this the norm in a healthy relationship? I think not and anyone who thinks this is okay and just blokes being blokes doing blokey things, are kidding themselves.

Sorry op. Just read my post back and it seems overly harsh. Its just that I feel very strongly about this issue and the ease of availability of pornography. It really worries me.

I watched 'Hot Girls Wanted' recently - along with a number of porn shows. Interesting to use the Dark Web for the latter.

The (usually) girls/women may be over 18 but they seem to be usually portrayed in positions of submissiveness/compliance or degradation. Forced or 'power-driven' sex is a commonplace.

I would absolutely be talking to him about it.

Actually I don't think most men do watch porn. Although I really believe that it is damaging normal sexuality. I would hate this. One thing I would say is that the women actors are very unlikely to be teenage although that is beside the point really!

Yes AF is right - it's the fact they are looking for teenage stuff that is the problem

What do you think of the responses OP?