DRY 9!!!!!

[CheesyNachos]

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

I will be passing a marks and sparks so will try some.

There are distinct advantages to living alone 3 . Hope you are friends again and get well soon.

Good luck for your doctors appointment Sea.

Sounds lovely dona, wish I'd known that when I was in M&S last weekend. Tried looking at their drinks for something different but the foodhall was packed and I got fed up battling through crowds. I'm getting a bit too partial to their black forest muffins however.

My Fridays nights used to be exactly the same. God yes with the heat. I thought I was entering perimenopause for a while I was walking up soaked in sweat, having to change my pjs and sheets, most nights.

Normally hit the gym over the weekend but have decided to be sensible and rest the next week as I have a couple of injuries I'm not doing myself any favours by working out with. Instead I plan to settle in the house and hope the first few flurries of snow we've got today comes down heavier for the dc's benefit of course

Here's to a sober and peaceful weekend folks

Thank you Brighit

Yes, DH and I are friends again although I must admit, I do wish he had one of those jobs where he had to work away a couple of nights a week. Having the house to myself a couple of nights a week would be bliss We fought because he offered me a beer, three times in a row and I kept saying no. We'd had a very stressful day with the builders, I was in a foul mood because the baby being ill had made it impossible to achieve anything all day (and it was the wrong time of the month), one of our suppliers had let us down etc. He wanted to know how the hell we were supposed 'let off steam' together if I wasn't going to drink. I see his point. It is true that we have always ended a stressful day by getting the kids to bed and sinking into the sofa together with a drink. I didn't have any answers for him.

I so nearly drank last night. I felt awful, throat was killing, still incredibly stressed and the little voice inside my head said, 'you may as well drink, you're going to feel crappy tomorrow anyway'. We had friends over for dinner, I hadn't managed to shop / cook because of the baby so I'd ordered an Indian and lots of Cobra. Anyway I didn't drink. I downed a bottle of fizzy water and went to bed with a Lemsip and a copy of "Sober is the new Black" as soon as I'd finished eating leaving DH at the table with (his) friends. He wasn't impressed.

Honestly I thought I'd be feeling a bit better by now. I just feel negative and anxious and completely unsure of myself. We've got two bloody things to go to tonight - drinks with our new neighbours followed by a fondue and schnapps party with lots of old friends. I don't want to go to either. I'm driving to the party so I have an excuse not to drink and I'm still telling everyone it's because of my kidneys anyway. I just feel so meh that I know I'm not going to have anything to say for myself. Booze would have helped with that! I could curl up in bed and just say I'm ill - I mean I am actually ill - but DH would be annoyed with me. He knows that if I was drinking, I would go regardless of being ill.

I can't bare the way he looks at me - utter exasperation. We've had plenty of half-hearted stabs at dry months before (he managed fine, I didn't) but I think he knows this is something different. I fell asleep at a dinner party a couple of weeks ago and something snapped. I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I have four kids and I want to be the best mother I can be for them - alcohol blows my ability to do that out of the water.

Ugh sorry for the monumental moan....I will go to M&S this morn and buy a couple of bottle of Lemon & Ginger soda to down with my fondue....thanks Doña

Good morning , brighit and 3 well done to all of us for staying dry 3 have you told your DH that this is 'it' or have you just said its for a while?
I haven't told my OH too much other than I am stopping for a bit. He doesn't know the extent of my low points which were before I met him. Hell I have been drinking more than enough since we met he'd be horrified if he knew how bad it was at one point!
We loved hitting the wine together but then I noticed that the bugger was a 'normal' drinker stopping after two glasses on several occasions whereas I would keep going...
Ive alluded to a slight problem by saying that I drink more than is healthy and I am having a break which has to be total abstinence as I can't drink like he does.
He's been amazing and thinks its a good idea.
If I'm totally honest though the real reason I haven't explained I'm totally abstinent is that I do worry that he will be sad that we won't be going 'on it' again...and if I do slip I don't want to be told off by anyone.
I guess the latter part is stupid. Setting myself up to fail or deluding myself that I will be able to social drink in the future.
I've clearly got a bit of work to do!

Dona, you said ...and if I do slip I don't want to be told off by anyone This was my thinking in my previous attempts to give up. Keeping it quiet in case I failed, and also to allow my self to start to drink again if I chose to. We do delude ourselves, don't we?! I'm even going to try to explain to my rellies at Christmas, even though my DFather will ask a million questions and make a Big Thing of it (and I might get a bit snappy but hope not).

Nice drinks part 99 - Waitrose have some brilliant fruit and veg drinks with great flavours. Yesterday I bought Mellow yellow smoothie which includes orange, apple, parsnip and turmeric! Also Apple juice with ginger. Also Radiant red smoothie which is tomato, lemon, carrot and red pepper. Lovely grownup drinks.

Oh 3 you poor love, your lo has croup, you are sick, I'm not surprised you are feeling so horrible and negative. It is utterly exhausting when the dc get something like that as you lose so much sleep. If it was me I wouldn't bother going out tonight and take the opportunity to rest and recuperate instead. You need to put yourself and your sobriety first. Some of my toughest nights were when I was sick as I used to deal with coughs and colds as the perfect excuse to drink a load of hot whiskeys. You do know that it batters your immune system though, I definitely do recover much quicker now I'm sober. Is there any chance you could leave earlier if needs be? Line yourself up a nice treat for when you get home and for tomorrow.

I still haven't told the majority of people dona. Two friends is the some total and it popped out talking to an old work mate one day when she asked when I wasn't drinking. My parents maybe have an inkling as they said they were proud of me for doing the half marathon and training rather than drinking and smoking like I used to. They've cut back themselves majorly this year.

M&S do a nice juice with pineapple, kale and jalapeno in it iirc. Hard to find in most stores except the main one here. We don't have Waitrose, boo :(

Blew it last night

I knew as I was walking out of work that I was going to drink and that nothing would stop me. Bought two bottles of wine and drank 1 and 1/3.

I feel like shit this morning but I'm going to try and get on with my day as if it didn't happen. Have tipped the remainder of rhe wine down the sink.

Tipping the remainder down the sink is brilliant, Jam
Onwards and upwards.

Morning all. Jam well done for pouring the rest away and just cracking on with it. Lots of self-care today, doctor's orders. x

3phase - agree with others, don't go tonight! You're ill! You've got so much on your plate, please put yourself first and rest.

Re. telling people - I do tell people, not in a solemn "I've got to tell you this big thing" kind of way, but I ALWAYS make a point of saying that I'm not drinking if plans are being made for lunch/dinner/whatever, so that it can be factored in (or not). I like to just put it out there so that in the split second of ordering wine, there's less of a chink of opportunity. I don't think of it in terms of people judging me, but if I'm not drinking they might not want to either and might want to go to a different venue, or do something different. I don't want people to feel 'short-changed' in that they were expecting our time together to be something that it isn't going to be.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, stopping drinking. I know it does sometimes feel as though it is, in that if you've had to stop completely then what precisely does that say about your ability to drink normally? But it really is nobody's business, and plenty of people choose to stop drinking because frankly they just don't like it.

In some way though I think for me, this approach is working in a better way for me. AA didn't work for me as I couldn't bear the thought of never taking a drink again. As it stands I havent thought about never. Just for today. Which of course is the whole AA mantra. I seem to have got it. In parts

I don't feel I can cancel the neighbours thing. It's been organised in honour of us moving in. Plus I won't be under any pressure to drink. Actually I'm quite pleased about having the opportunity to start as I mean to go on with the neighbours - they need never know me to drink!

I might be able to cancel the fondue thing or at least leave early. Will speak to DH. He could go alone too.

Doña I haven't told DH 'it's forever' because I can't fathom it myself. I find some of the AA stuff hard to swallow but the day at a time bit is very helpful to me. As for telling other people - I've told my Mum (who was very dramatic and offered "to go dry with you" even though she barely drinks anyway bless her)! I'm just saying "kidneys' to everyone else and to be honest, nobody is particularly interested. DH is the only one who has taken exception. I agree with you Teapot that saying to someone in advance that you're not going to be drinking for whatever reason (driving, health, early start) is a helpful tool though.

Like you Doña things were much worse in the past, before I met DH. I had a cocaine problem in my early twenties that he vaguely knows about but has never seen and I haven't told him how bad it got. He'd be appalled.

:) dona - I have only been to two AA meetings and was always reticent about going at all. I interpreted the 'one day at a time' mantra to be about some desperate need to make it through each day as though each day was an impossibility. Whereas of course that isn't what it means at all.

When people ask me, agog, whether I intend to never drink again, I can only say that the way I feel at the moment I hope I don't. I like to be positive about not drinking to other people probably as a defence mechanism and try to appear (probably very unconvincingly ) nonchalant about the whole thing...

x-posted with you 3. I used to take coke a lot too, in my 20s and early 30s. Until stopping drinking I would on occasion still indulge, but the thought of doing that now leaves me a bit cold.

Hats off to you both for stopping using.
jam I was very close to doing what you did on Thursday. If OH hadn't been coming over I know I would have, if he had been drinking when he got here i would have We are all so close to it at all times.
Hopefully you will feel shit enough to remember our mission! Dust yourself down and back on it! (Or off it!)

I hope you're OK Jam. I was very, very close last night too.

Can you book a cinema date tonight? Spectre was better than I thought it was going to be....if you haven't already seen it?!

Thanks all, I'm ok. Gutted, but trying not to beat myself up. I'm going to have a nice dinner followed by Ben & Jerry's, watch Strictly and do some quilting. Oh the excitement!

Bit different to how I used to spend a Saturday night in my 30's - off my face on coke, E's and vodka. I actually don't regret those times at all, I had a blast but don't think my heart would take it these days! Actually I do have one regret - I once threw up so violently that I wet myself and ruined the most beautiful and very expensive pair of suede trousers

Jam hugs .. I do know how you feel :( Do NOT be unkind to yourself though, that way self loathing lies ...and we need to be kindest to ourselves! If we aren't, why would any one else be? Hugs xxx

I blew it last night too, so Jam I know exactly how you feel. I'm really pissed off with myself today. I'd had a really, busy, stressful week & I went shopping after work & couldn't resist the lure of the wine aisle. Bought two bottles of wine & drank one of them. Just feel so annoyed with myself & I felt rotten this morning, hungover & fed up. It really wasn't worth it, I like having a clear head in the morning. I've asked DH to put the second bottle away.

I'm pleased that I managed to stay dry for almost three weeks, as it's proof I can do it, but I wish I'd been able to resist yesterday. Anyway, I'm back on the wagon now.

Armada did you get that 'fuck it, it's Friday feeling'? I was pissed off this morning too. We mustn't be too hard on ourselves, what we're doing is tough and at least we know we can do 2-3 weeks.

Sometimes I think it is like giving up smoking... in giving up smoking it is kind of accepted that you will relapse a few times before it finally 'sticks'.** So a relapse in itself does not have to be 'bad'. It can be a learning experience. Serving to consolidate your feelings around drinking and what it does or does not do for you.

(** at least, I think I have read this before in Stoptober literature.)

Yes, Jam that's exactly the feeling. I know Fridays are hard for me and was so pleased I'd managed two of them, then I got that 'sod it, I want wine so I'm having it' idea into my head yesterday. Bugger

Cheesy I hope you are right. I'm trying to look at it that way.

I blew it yesterday. I think partly because I am under a lot of stress,and partly because I don't know how to be in a pub and not drink. I didn't drink any more than the people I was with, but it affects me more. Thankfully nothing embarrassing happened.

I am finding it surprisingly easy to not drink at home. Social situations are a different matter. I need to do some reading on this.

sea if I went to a pub I'd definitely blow it too.
I've got my first social event coming up in a few weeks and if it weren't for the fact that it would cost 15.00 each for my mum and I to get home I would probably blow it there too but I am driving.
This is the first time I will ever have driven rather than drunk/taxi.
I've another event in a few weeks and OH says he doesn't mind not drinking with me. I've told him I am thinking of giving up more permanently. Despite his support he doesn't think its necessary. He clearly didn't see me necking neat vodka when we got home from a night out a few weeks ago when we were already three sheets to the wind.
From what I have been reading sea is that a lot of people who go sober cut pubs out of there social scene completely. I can imagine this being extremely difficult unless you change your friends!
You haven't blown it yet (imho) we can all expect bumps along the way.

Thanks dona. Realistically, I can't avoid pubs and restaurants so I need to get a plan. There are a couple of friends who I will be truthful with, but I may tell others I am not drinking for health reasons.

I do have a meal to go to in a few weeks, so I am going to drive. In the meantime I am going to do a lot of reading on the subject.

I'm ok with restaurants as the food is an 'occasion' especially washed down with red wine but the pub will be a bastard