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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DRY 9!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 11/10/2015 20:39

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

OP posts:
TeapotDictator · 21/12/2015 21:27

Onwards indeed.. god I'm so tired, I'm off to bed soon. I still haven't wrapped a single present. FFS.

Nice to see you Hadron. The only thing that stops me doing that is knowing that having a drink will make saying no to the next drink much much harder. I was thinking this over today re. having a chocolate. If I haven't had a chocolate for a week, saying 'no' to someone offering me one is fairly easy. But if I've just had my first chocolate for a week, I'll hoover up another 50 chocolates before the day is over. It's much easier for me to say no to the first of anything than it is to the 2nd.

Lucy I'm curious who's going to be behind the massive number 24 door on your sober advent calendar? Xmas Grin Gwan, give us a clue!

Hadron21 · 21/12/2015 21:37

Thanks Teapot. I'm on my phone so can't name check everyone but want to say hello. It looks like we've all struggled this month.

I'm just exhausted with the to-ing and fro-ing. Ok for a while then a calm decision to have 'just one' or a fuck it moment and it's all lost.

The thing is I KNOW THE ANSWER! (I'm shouting at myself there!).

TeapotDictator · 21/12/2015 21:47

Keep going. I was listening to the Home podcast episode featuring Ann Dowsett Johnson the other day and the host and Ann were talking about their hundreds of respective "Day 1's" and pondering over whether anything major happened to make their final Day 1 'stick'. Both of them said there was nothing special about it, no terrible drunken 'thing' that had happened to make them never want to drink again. That their final Day 1 took them by surprise. (Episode can be found here There's another recent episode that I found really illuminating... the one before it... Ep 22 where they discuss shocking things that they did whilst drinking.)

I'm a bit of an oddball in that I was so deeply mired in denial that for years/decades, I was totally oblivious to the fact that I had a problematic relationship to alcohol, despite it being bloody obvious now that I look back at it. I never tried that hard to cut down or quit, and would never have tried to attempt a Dry January because I really didn't think I had it in me to succeed.

Cheesy - check in as much as you need to. Hope everyone's had a calm evening. I am so unprepared for Christmas it's starting to freak me out, although I did succeed in decluttering the house today which feels like a major triumph of hope over experience Xmas Grin

Original poster
CheesyNachos · 21/12/2015 22:18

Hi all. Hi Hadron. I am a big fan of Ann Dowsett Johnson so thanks for posting that Teapot.

Sipping tea. Everyone is [thank GOD] in bed. DH is in a mega grump. I am chilling andMNetting for 15 mins or so then bed.

Night night friends. Thanks and [tea]

OP posts:
gladistopped · 21/12/2015 22:22

I want to regularly check in but feel a bit off about it after the reaction I had a few days ago when I fell off being AF again ( not naming names)
so, sorry, but am a bit ?? about posting tbh . Expect I might get flamed saying this - but thought I should say how I feel. Still AF btw! Is HARD but doing it and sober treats lined up :)

Huge hugs to everyone, as this time of year is v tough xxx

donajimena · 21/12/2015 23:14

glad I am glad to see you. Keep strong. I'm trying too.

flukeshot · 22/12/2015 00:30

Can I join? I've not been on these treads before but after a few Christmas parties in the past months and (way) more alcohol consumption than usual, it's triggered my anxiety terribly and I think at least doing dry January is something I need to do to move on from what is at risk of becoming a habit. I've been drunk twice and I just hate the day after.
I've no more drinking functions planned now - I don't "do" NYE and DH works so I'm in with DD (6) and DD (4) and we just have Xmas Day at home with guests floating in and out through the day. My mum has a big party/turkey lunch on Christmas Eve but I'm driving. So now is a good time to start.
This seems like a very supportive and wise thread so I look forward to joining. Smile

gladistopped · 22/12/2015 04:54

flukeshot I found Dry Jan 2015 set me up to massively reduce my alcohol consumption in 2015 :) I wish I could say stopped drinking altogether (as that is what I wanted to do ) but unfortunately I could not manage that. Still trying though and plan 2016 to be better.

flukeshot · 22/12/2015 05:32

Thanks Glad Thanks seems like you're doing fantastically! It's interesting that this is such a trigger time of year for so many. Why do we do it to ourselves???
Similarly to many here, I don't need to drink daily and can go a week or two happily without a drink - it's a case of self control loss when I do have a few. I'm happily married with a good job and lovely family and it just feels like an act of self sabotage when I drink to excess. I feel very ashamed.
I am in Australia too, similar kind of drinking culture to the uk - great pride in going out and getting smashed from many!

Hadron21 · 22/12/2015 06:58

Hi Glad nice to see a familiar old friend on here. I'm on the same page as you at the moment. So many day 1s. Well today is my day 2 (again).

Welcome flute and morning everyone. I'm in that non drinking head achey fog. I know feeling better is just around the corner.

Marryoneorbecomeone · 22/12/2015 09:20

Morning all! Day 20 here! Sleeping well, calmer, and clearer. I can't imagine the future somehow as my past has been so involved with alcohol albeit in the guise of being "sociable" but I'm sure it's brighter than it would have been.

Gladistopped I read your posts - I'm very new to all this but I've read that bring as open with partners as possible is essential. I couldn't do this if my husband had no idea and was leaving booze around the house. I guess I'm wondering why you haven't told him?

The friend I thought would fall by the wayside has indeed gone, after calling me, hammered drunk. In the past I would have been upset but I'm just circumspect now.

Still going to AA.

flukeshot · 22/12/2015 09:49

I think I might understand the not telling DH.
My dh is very understanding and non-judgmental and I absolutely trust him - but I have approached my no-longer-drinking in a very breezy way, like I'm just on a health kick for a month and we will see how it goes. I've told him it's an anxiety trigger but that's all - and I don't know if Glad is the same, but for me it's kind of a pride thing. And not wanting to worry him too, I guess.

Preces · 22/12/2015 09:52

Morning, all!

Well, I made it to a whole seven nights in a row alcohol-free. That might not sound like much, but given recent months it's huge for me. Very happy.

DH asked me this morning whether he should put alcohol back in our Christmas grocery delivery (I'd asked him to take it out last week). Why would I want to drink again, having come this far? Yet, weirdly, the devil on my shoulder is there saying, "oh go on... it's Christmas... let your hair down... you've done so well..." Xmas Hmm

So I haven't said "yes".

Granted, I haven't said "no" either, but at least I didn't immediately jump at the suggestion.

I've asked him if he could support me before by not suggesting alcohol to me (this isn't me blaming him, btw, I know it's totally my responsibility whether I pick up the first drink or not) when I've been scared my drinking was getting out of control. I've noticed that after a few days of not suggesting a drink he starts again. He himself doesn't drink very much at all but I know (from talking to him) he likes it when I'm tipsy as I let my hair down a bit. (I can be quite serious a lot of the time, particularly during the working week...) (That is, apart from getting sh**faced on a regular basis of course!! Xmas Shock)

Rambling, sorry. I told him last week (just before I stopped) some of the scary things that I've done in the past year that made me realise I have a serious problem. Yet he doesn't accept that I'm an alcoholic. Maybe it's the stigma? To me it just seems to be a fact: I have never really been able to drink "sensibly" without huge focus and effort. Given the chance I will drink ALL THE THINGS!!! That's just the way it is. Pretending it is otherwise is just madness.

I suppose he will get there in time...

flukeshot · 22/12/2015 10:04

That's sounds so similar to me, Preces!! DH quite likes me all tipsy and giggly - not hammered and slurring mind you - and I thin he thinks I overthink it all and worry too much etc.
Well done on the week, and not jumping at the chance to put alcohol back on the Xmas list!

Lucy2610 · 22/12/2015 10:06

Actually Teapot I'm breaking with convention and there will be a window on day 25! It is perhaps the hardest day of the year to resist the call of booze so I didn't want to leave people high & dry Clue? well you know me well enough to know that it might well be Brighton & dance music connected Xmas Grin And yes I would given the opportunity! Xmas Wink
Glad happy to see you post Xmas Smile please stay with us yes?
Welcome fluke & good to see you Hadron. Agreed it is a nightmare time of year to be sober & I foolishly popped over to the Xmas boozing thread here on MN and made myself all nostalgic . No judgement here but it is so acceptable to drink all day on Xmas Day - & god knows I used to! How did this substance become so bloody ingrained that so many of us can't open presents on that day without a glass in hand? Which brings me back to having a sober advent calendar post that day ..... No Xmas wrapping done here either!

TeapotDictator · 22/12/2015 10:17

Preces I think it's very hard for "normies" to understand. I know that even though I had a problem myself, I didn't understand it either and even now don't really like the word 'alcoholic' because of the stigma. I think the word should be abolished because I think the stigma keeps loads of people drinking and desperately trying to squash their drinking into a box marked "normal". To so many people the word alcoholic denotes a person who has lost everything; the stereotypical homeless man sitting on a park bench.

The reality is so much worse than that; it's the thousands (millions?) of people who are coping on the surface but dying on the inside, most of which can't bear to think that they are an alcoholic for fear of the associated shame. I like the Jason Vale/Allen Carr point of view: that alcohol is the only drug you have to justify actually stopping, and the stopping of which causes people consternation at the thought you might have a problem. Nobody asks a heroin addict why they're stopping, nor a smoker.

As time has gone on I've become a bit more comfortable with the 'alcoholic' moniker but only slightly. I do think that in essence, I have a bit of an addictive relationship with lots of things (sugar, booze, cocaine, flour/bread) and so tend to describe myself as "a bit of an addict" in a rather feeble way instead... Xmas Wink

TeapotDictator · 22/12/2015 10:23

X-posts Lucy. A very good choice for the 25th, if I may say so! Xmas Grin

I haven't even seen that thread, think I might give it a wide berth. I never used to get 'that bad' on CD although would get slowly sozzled and feel appalling the next day.

Can I just have a tiny rant Xmas Angry at the 2498th pro-alcohol "study" which has been doing the rounds on FB with everyone slapping each other on the back at the supposed finding which is that a glass of red wine has the same effect on the body as an hour at the gym here? I think these studies are bordering on being completely irresponsible!

Palomb · 22/12/2015 10:29

I haven't had, or even wanted drink since Sarurday. I spoke to DH about maybe going to AA and he said he would support me which is great, although I haven't had the chance yet. Christmas Day is going to be interesting as all my family know I like a drink.

I'm still hugely anxious about the 2hrs I have no recollection of.

Lucy2610 · 22/12/2015 10:50

Teapot well it is my sober advent calendar so I put in a special requests to Arthur! Girls gotta have some perks Xmas Wink
Palomb Preces well done!
I don't like the A word either - hasn't been used by the WHO since mid 80's & never used it as a nurse. Would denote on nursing records as ETOH (medical shorthand for alcohol) or ALD (alcoholic liver disease = disease to the liver caused by alcohol). I talk about having an allergy to alcohol or alcohol dependence - because I was psychologically dependent on it and that would have progressed to physical dependence if I'd carried on. I agree that it is unhelpful and scary and keeps people stuck - a pejorative shorthand for something most of us don't want to be seen as and fails to represent most of us! Sorry Xmas makes me feel rabid about the subject!!

gladistopped · 22/12/2015 13:42

Good points Teapot and Lucy . I was appalled at the cut price near BOGOF type offers on booze in the supermarket yesterday :( It really is everywhere, isn't it? :(

Lucy2610 · 22/12/2015 15:43

It bloody is glad Xmas Sad We're drowning in the stuff this week and yet in 2 weeks time the country will be collectively donning its January hair shirt and will return to feeling defensive about our cultural predilection to getting sh*tfaced at every given socially acceptable opportunity. Bee in my bonnet much? Blush I need to watch out for that A in HALT Xmas Wink

Lucy2610 · 22/12/2015 21:52

Apologies for my earlier outburst ladies - Xmas cray cray is my only excuse Xmas Shock This always makes me laugh Xmas Grin

Original poster
CheesyNachos · 23/12/2015 07:42

Rant away Lucy. :)

Mad day yesterday, hope all is well. Welcome everyone new.[waves]

OP posts:
Lucy2610 · 23/12/2015 09:58

I think my anger is being externalised Cheesy Wink But I must recognise also that with 2 days to go there is a bit of the 'it's not fair' in there too! Calm here now Xmas Smile

Lucy2610 · 23/12/2015 10:06

Just reading this & yep I agree! Xmas Grin