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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DRY 9!!!!!

999 replies

CheesyNachos · 11/10/2015 20:39

The DRY 8 thread suddenly came to an end! 1000 messages before we knew it.

THis is the thread for those who are abstaining and who want to abstain from alcohol. :)

All are welcome.

Previous thread is here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8?

OP posts:
Seabiscotti · 18/11/2015 12:06

Life can be a right pain in the ass. Three times a week is good.

I need to get back to the gym myself, but that life thing keeps getting in the way Sad

JamDaniHash · 18/11/2015 19:27

Dona did the sprouts work? If so, I'll be Envy Envy Envy Envy Envy

Brighit · 18/11/2015 20:08

What age is your dd 3? Poor wee thing, I hope she feels better soon Flowers

Belvoir is pronounce Beaver Grin? Well you learn something new every day, personally I think the way I say it 'Belle-voir' sounds much better. I like their hot spiced plum one myself or Fruitbroo Hot Totty apple and spice. Hot drinks are lovely in this weather.

3 times a week at the gym is perfect cheesy. The way I look at it your muscles need those days in between for recovery. If only I practiced what I preached I wouldn't be having to sit out at the gym because of a muscle I twanged.

Ohhh good luck with the poas Sea Wink

Tough day today. Got pulled aside by daycare because of dd's meltdowns this morning. She is currently in yet another exasperating, tantrum stage. Again. Phone call from ds's teacher after an incident at school and my granny has been rushed into hospital this evening. I'm not sure she's going to make it as she's been going downhill rapidly from last week and is a brave age at nearly 90. All in all one of those stop the world I want to get off days. Strangely I don't feel like a drink but would murder for a cigarette.

Lucy2610 · 18/11/2015 20:28

Brighit I used to crave fags rather than booze too! Sorry to hear about your granny and DC woes. Hope tomorrow is better Flowers
Blog post today is about how addiction is different for girls with a great interview with Dr Sally Marlow. You can find it here if you're looking for something to watch this evening :)

ArmadaCalpa · 18/11/2015 21:40

I haven't been posting on here much, but I'm happy to report I'm still dry. Had to fight a slight urge to call into the offy on the way home, but resisted. Strangely I am finding not drinking much easier this time, probably because I want to be dry not because I think I should be.

Brighit sorry to hear about your granny.

Hope everyone is doing OK.

Seabiscotti · 18/11/2015 23:00

Flowers brighit

Hope dd better soon 3.

gladistopped · 19/11/2015 00:36

reporting in as not dry :( Slinking away as feel bad to be posting on here

CheesyNachos · 19/11/2015 06:09

what happened glad? What triggered? When was the point you though 'fuckit?' Write it to us, no matter how 'small' the triggers were. That's why we are here to help!!!!

How are you feeling today?

OP posts:
donajimena · 19/11/2015 07:04

Good morning.
glad it doesn't have to be the end. You won't be the first or last to hit a bump in the road!
brighit I hope you have a better day today. Yesterday sounds awful.
jam no success I'm afraid its been 5 days now Sad
I have to confess that last night I was going to drink. I thought sod it! I'm an adult I can have a glass or two.... I thought that OH might have had some wine and I would join in but after a small glass of brandy he went straight on to tea so I didn't bother.
The funny thing is that by the time I went to bed I had forgotten that I nearly broke my resolve so at most it was a half hour craving. Happy Thursday everyone x

3phase · 19/11/2015 10:52

Morning everyone.

Sorry about your granny brighit, hope today is better for you (doesn't sound like it could be much worse) Flowers

Those 'I'm an adult, I can have one' thoughts are popping into my head most days Dona. For a second I feel terribly excited and rebellious at the thought of sticking two fingers up to sobriety. Fortunately so far, common sense has kicked straight in with 'who are you kidding'?! Well aware how easy it would be to drink though. Am worried about this weekend. We have a lot going on. As I've said before, I've previously managed quite a few sober weeks, sober fortnights and months have proved much more elusive.

I went to bed early with DD again last night. She's just turned two - thank you to everyone who has wished her well! She has croup and was up a lot in the night again. She's being seriously clingy hence I have mountain of work and house / family admin building up plus I haven't made the gym since Monday so I'm feeling a meh and just had a doughnut with the builders but am reminding myself to treasure all the cuddles. She's our last baby so I probably don't have many more Peppa Pig duvet days to look forward to!

ArmadaCalpa · 19/11/2015 11:00

3phase hope DD is a bit better this morning.

I totally get those 'I'm an adult, I can have one' thoughts. I have them most days too. I'm beginning to realise that for me it's more adult to say no.

glad hope you are OK. I remember you from the Dry January threads & you've come so far. Hang on in there Flowers

gladistopped · 19/11/2015 12:05

Thanks, all. I just thought I could have "just one glass" with a friend while eating out. No one made me, I did it all by myself :(
I was in a good mood, not HALT or anything - in a new to me place so no reminders of past drinking - in a restaurant - with a not very drinky friend and I saw the wine list and I just fancied a glass of red. And then I carried on , the next day and the day after - straight back to a bottle plus a night for three days :(
Anyway yesterday was Day 1 ( again ) and I feel rubbish today

gladistopped · 19/11/2015 12:09

I should have done the 15 min rule with the wine, or gone to the loo or something, or told my friend I didn't want to drink alcohol, or ...I can think of any number of things I could have done to avert the crisis tbh. And I could have stopped that night and not gone straight back to my addict ways for two more days :( Oh well back on it again. Just feel so disappointed in myself

donajimena · 19/11/2015 13:13

I suppose 'is that all'? Is the wrong thing to say glad ? But it was THREE days. Not thirty or a year, which is what happened the last time I slipped. There was no 'ooh I fucked up' better get back on it for me. It was oh fuck it I'm a drinker who am I kidding. Years more of being a snappy nasty mum. Years more of damaging my health. My looks. My relationships.
Learn from it move on. It may be me posting what you have done in the future
I hope not. But I'm not perfect.

CheesyNachos · 19/11/2015 13:27

Yes, I agree.... the fact you are back AF after a 3 day slip is really encouraging..... it's a slip not a slide.

I get the 'I'm an adult' defiant thoughts too. Also the 'everyone drinks, it's normal... I can handle it'.

Okay..... sober treat needed for you tonight I think. [gavel]. Be gentle with yourself. Nurture yourself. Please do not hate yourself. You did brilliantly to drag yourself back so your 3 day hiccup did not turn into a massive all-encompassing 'fuckit'. And you are already thinking of the strategies you could have done on your night out.... so that will be useful for next time. :) Thanks

OP posts:
WorkInProgess · 19/11/2015 13:59

I've been reading this thread but haven't joined as not dry enough - yet!

But I've just got an emergency motivation report from liz-hemingway.com for moments when i feel tempted to drink. Thought it might help some of you who are doing so well but have the occasional wobble.

JamDaniHash · 19/11/2015 14:04

Glad I'm in awe that you're AF again after just 3 days "blip" Star And thank you for telling us about it - personally, it really helps me to be aware of the warning signs because I'm in no doubt that I will think/behave in the same way as everyone else who has had a temporary hitch.

gladistopped · 19/11/2015 14:07

Thank you all :) You are so lovely in here :)

I guess ...I got complacent? Which is why I am so cross about it - even though yes it WAS only 3 days :( but I just went straight back to drinking like I had never been dry all this time - I had got to nearly 100 days, again, ffs!

I had got used to not drinking, and I left my sober toolkit behind when I went out (metaphorically) and then ...I drank.

I also wonder if/why I am self sabotaging my dryness whenever I get to a significant number of continuous days? Maybe I need to stop counting and just get on with it? As counting the days is making me think about drinking, when all I actually want to do is NOT think about having a bloody drink. I am Dry so as to stop the endless mental chatter about it - but for me it is still going on in my head pretty well all the fucking time :(

TeapotDictator · 19/11/2015 14:41

Well done for coming back so quickly glad - agree with everything said by the others, you are back so soon because, just like your user name indicates, you feel better this way.

I'm not sure what to suggest re. counting the days. I count the days, but only in that every now and then I look at my app counter to see if I'm near a big number yet so I can justify a sober treat Wink... it doesn't have to be a trudging onwards burden, but I'd say if in any way you think it's holding you back then maybe try doing it differently this time.

It does sound to me though as though this might be something that mentally you haven't quite embraced as a part of who you are going forwards. I think if it feels like a temporary "I'm being good at the moment" shift in behaviour then there's an inevitability to that coming to an end - even if it is only temporary. What seems to be happening is that you get (as you call it) "complacent", then have a short period where your drinking reminds you that you can't moderate, that you're not able to drink in a way that works for you, and you're back here relatively quickly. Maybe this time something needs to shift mentally, maybe this is the slip that will help you to accept once and for all that sobriety has to be part of your life, that it isn't optional because the other path over the long term doesn't bear thinking about.

Just my two cents. As others have said, we're all the same, and none of us are perfect. So far the only thing that has kept me from relapsing is the acceptance that it will never end well. Once I'd accepted that I wasn't a normal drinker, and that it's literally physically impossible to sit next to a glass of wine and sip it nonchalantly with a genuine 'take it or leave it' mentality... well, the only way to achieve peace, for me therefore - is to give it a wide berth.

JamDaniHash · 19/11/2015 15:39

Had a brilliant session with my counsellor last night - we were discussing how I would feel when I'd achieved my goals ie. to not drink, lose weight and stop smoking. I said I would probably feel a bit 'so, now what?'

And I think that's part of the problem... we've done it, proved ourselves etc but what now? It's not like there's going to be an awards ceremony or anything at the end. We'll still be living our humdrum lives.

I decided I would send myself an email detailing how completely shit my life was when I was drinking. That way, I'll be able to look back and see how my life has changed for the better. Also I'm hoping that re-reading it when the going get tough will strengthen my resolve.

Vagabond · 19/11/2015 15:52

For anyone with constipation, try taking a tablespoon of psyllium husks and a tablespoon of LSA (not sure what it stands for - linseed, something or other and almonds) on your breakfast cereal or porridge, or in yoghurt - every morning. It will sort you out, pronto :)

That was a de-lurk. :)

Brighit · 19/11/2015 15:54

Good idea Jam. I too suffer from that now what? syndrome.

Glad to see you back so soon glad, nowt much else to add what other posters have said. I don't count as in totting up days myself, glance at it every once in a while when I'm struggling to give me a lift.

Thanks for the well wishes. Gran is undergoing a battery of tests as they have no idea what on earth is causing her symptoms, has ongoing health issues anyway. Seems to have come round a bit though which is positive, out of our hands now and in the best place.

donajimena · 19/11/2015 15:58

I'll try anything Sad great post jam
In all the blogs/posts I read people say how much more successful their lives become in every way.
I guess I am waiting for the dynamic me (if she exists) to emerge from the alcohol cocoon of 20 years plus!
I should appreciate how much its improved already in my short sober time.
I have to relearn who I actually am.

donajimena · 19/11/2015 15:59

The try anything was to vagabond thank you! X

gladistopped · 19/11/2015 16:58

Sorry I didn't mention anyone else's posts - being a bit self absorbed here, I am afraid :( Sorry :(

Jam That is a terrific idea! I am doing that as I type this!

Teapot I was nodding in agreement as I read your post! I agree I do three, four months ( or longer!) and then I blow it and I recognize I have done that a number of times, now - there IS a pattern emerging. I need to switch my thinking to "This is the now me" and not view it as just a Dry Jan or October or 6 months off or whatever. This IS me now, the sober me, the AF me. It HAS to be how I have to be, as I simply cannot moderate my drinking and if I drink it is at a level which will ruin my life. I wish I could have "just the one", but I can't. The last few days have (yet again!) shown me that. Usually I am a fast learner, but this lesson is taking some time to sink in! I really hope it is getting fixed in my mind set, now.

Hello to everyone else and especially to people with poorly loved ones - hope they get better soonest Flowers