Ex being sentenced today. I need some hand holding

[MsMarthaMay]

Long story short. My ex husband raped me numerous times during our relationship. I finally reported him last year. Last month he pleaded guilty to 2 counts of rape and 1 count of assault by penetration. He left it right to the last second to change his plea to guilty but I was so relieved I didn't have to go to court.
He is in court for sentencing today. I am a bit of a mess. I feel so shaky and scared. I know he's going to go to prison so I don't know what I'm scared of.
I have to phone witness care later and they will be able to find out his sentence.

What's weird is that you'd think I feel better today. It's like all the fear is all suddenly coming out of me in one go!

Well done for reporting. Keep breathing slowly.

Can I just second that you are amazing? I hope he gets his due and that you keep moving forward from this horrible thing.

Well done you have been incredibly brave in reporting what happened.

Keep going [brew[

Well done you have been incredibly brave in reporting what happened.

Keep going [brew[

hand holding from me too - I am in awe of your bravery x

I think that is a normal reaction.
It is probably fear and relief and joy all rolled into one. By the end of today it will be all over and tomorrow your new life can begin.

Holding your hand here too x

Thanks all. I don't quite know what to do with myself, just sat drink tea. I wonder whether to phone now or leave it a while. I'm not sure what time he's in court.

Go and find something to do for the next couple of hours that will occupy your mind and stop you thinking about it - and phone witness care around 4pm maybe?

Yeah that's probably best. I'm getting myself a bit worked up. The police lady reckons he's looking at a long sentence but if he only gets a short one I'll feel so wrong. I need to feel like what he put me and the dc through is recognised. Does that sound really self centred? I just need all this to have been worth it.

It was all worth it. You are so brave and very very well done you because it's so hard to get to this point, whatever his sentence, his guilt has been acknowledged.

With the system being as it is, I honestly feel in awe of anyone who brings their rapist to justice. I couldn't do it when it happened to me so I do know how hard it is. xx

Hi Martha,

Of course it is not self-centred! Well done on being so strong and getting this far. I just wanted to post to give you some practical information if you feel you need it.

Firstly - you can find out what time his case is listed using the courtserve website and clicking on the relevant Crown Court:

www.courtserve.net/courtlists/current/crown/indexdailies.htm

Secondly, it may help you to know how the Judge will arrive at his/her sentence. Here are the Sentencing Guidelines that will be used:

www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/Final_Sexual_Offences_Definitive_Guideline_content_web1.pdf

Rape (the more serious of the offences you listed) is at page 10.

The Judge will decide on the "starting point" for sentence by looking at the aggravating and mitigating factors listed. He will then reduce / increase the sentence accordingly. Whilst he will get some credit for his guilty plea for not putting you through a trial, he will get less credit than he would have got if he had pleaded guilty earlier in proceedings.

I do not know whether you want this information, you may feel better just waiting. But I wanted to help if possible. All the best.

That is very useful thank you. I need to do something, I'll have a look at it now.

Thanks for the support everyone. I really need it atm. I have nobody in rl.

I found him on that court list. Thank you! Court was sitting at 10am and he was third on the list.

OP I hope the sentence brings you some sense of closure and like others I am in awe of your courage and determination

I should think that the "fear" is a mixture of closure, relief and adeneline all at once.

Very brave for reporting it.

Don't be hopeful it will be heard at that time. I (in a previous life) was in and out of cpourt as a paralegal. We sat all day for a 10am listing in the waiting room til about 3pm.

Hope he get the sentence he deserves and you can draw a line under it all

Big un-MN hugs here OP. I hope he gets the sentence he deserves and that you get some sort of closure.

I phoned. No update yet

I think I'm going to go out for a walk. I'm getting myself really worked up.

Whatever he gets it'll never be enough. I wasn't brave enough to report mine so I think you're wonderful

Hand holding. Enjoy the walk and some fresh air.

You are very brave & I think your reaction is totally normal. Be kind to yourself (I know some people hate this being said) but it's true. There is not a right or wrong way to feel after everything you have been through.

I hope the walk helps. Here waiting to hold your hand when you get back.