Martha, the those thoughts are completely understandable. You must feel so much rage towards him and your own family. Time to find healthy ways to let it out - are you having counselling?
As someone "in the business" so to speak, I always advise victims not to attend the sentencing hearing unless they feel a real compulsion to be there.
The reason I say this is that things will be said that may not necessarily be helpful for you. As barristers, we, (along with the judge) engage in the not particularly pleasant task of "ranking" the seriousness of the offence. We do that for everything - from the most trivial assault to murder.
That seems somewhat counter intuitive to many members of the public and victims of crime - how can you say one murder is worse than another, that one rape should be sentenced more harshly?
As the prosecution barrister, I do not act for the victim. I act for the Crown, the state. So my job is to prosecute fairly - and that means drawing the court's attention to aggravating and mitigating factors that may help the judge in their sentencing exercise. I am not arguing for a more severe penalty.
On the other hand, the defence barrister is actively trying to secure a lighter sentence. Although this may seem strange, it actually does work in practice. However, it can make some victims feel undervalued and ignored. They feel like they do not have a voice in the process (although the introduction of the "Victim Impact Statement" has helped with this).
So for those reasons I ask victims to think very carefully before attending. There is nothing wrong with staying away and awaiting the outcome over the phone, particularly if you are having (entirely misplaced, but understandable) feelings of guilt.