Ex being sentenced today. I need some hand holding

[MsMarthaMay]

Long story short. My ex husband raped me numerous times during our relationship. I finally reported him last year. Last month he pleaded guilty to 2 counts of rape and 1 count of assault by penetration. He left it right to the last second to change his plea to guilty but I was so relieved I didn't have to go to court.
He is in court for sentencing today. I am a bit of a mess. I feel so shaky and scared. I know he's going to go to prison so I don't know what I'm scared of.
I have to phone witness care later and they will be able to find out his sentence.

Well done for your strength and courage, I hope they manage to get the info quickly and can make a good, and timely decision.

Must be horrible waiting

Well done on all counts. I hope he gets as much as possibl .

You're very brave, I hope he gets maximum sentence

martha - so sorry that your H's sentencing has been postponed - now you have to find something else to think about for a whole week!

Re. your sister - if she was in trouble, and needed help and was feeling anxious etc., would you want her to feel she could call you? Would you feel a wee bit hurt and upset that she didn't want to bother you? If the answer to both of those is "yes" then call her! We're only 9h ahead of you at the moment, so call her in the morning, when it will be her evening; but call her. Or skype her, preferably for your phone bill.

Your mother sucks, btw. Completely. Usual "all about the menz, don't hurt the menz, they shouldn't have to worry about piffling little things like consent when they're married" oldfashioned bollocks. I hate that this attitude is still so prevalent among quite a large section of the population, it needs to be stamped out. :(

Stand strong, I am in awe of how brave you are xxx

Martha, well done for getting this far. Not long now. As for violent fantasies I can relate to that, I often thought what I'd like to do to my attacker. I'm so placid normally people would be shocked! My counsellor suggested either beating pillows up or hurling loo rolls at a wall when /if you feel anger. After my whole police experience a lot of loo rolls got it! Good luck and well done!

Another good option is storing up glass bottles and taking them down to the bottle bank - smashing those into the bottle bank feels REALLY good. :)

Hi all, this is going to sound a bit weird but I'm a bit worried. Ex has a house that has people living in it. Don't know much about them.
They just phoned my house, don't know where they got the number. They said they have a letter for me that was delivered to exes house. I have never lived in that house so I'm not sure why a letter would have gone there. They asked for my address so they could forward it and I gave it to them. Now I'm seriously worried that they have more to do with ex than I realised and I just gave them my address! I'm probably being really paranoid but I thought about phoning 101, I feel very vulnerable and a bit scared. Am I just being daft?

No. Ring 101 now and log it. It might be nothing but definitely definitely let them know, just in case. You can't be too careful

Yes, phone 101 just in case. It sounds like scare tactics.

Please phone 101. Could someone go there and collect this letter if it exists? Or ask the police to.

Phone 101, it definitely sounds dodgy. Sorry you are having to go through this.

Thank you. I'll give them a ring now. I probably am being paranoid but I'll feel a bit better if the police are aware.

I don't think you sound paranoid, if you've never lived there, it does seem odd with the timing. It could also be nothing, but you'll not rest without reporting. Hang in there op

You are def NOT being paranoid. Call 101 ASAP.

If Ex already knows where you live I'd be a little less worried as you didn't give out anything he didn't already know. If he doesn't know, along with ringing 101 I'd ask about (if you don't already have one) a non-mol order.

Did you call 101? Let us know you're ok.

No such thing as too careful in these circumstances... Try not to get totally freaked out & scared (If that's even possible?), as maybe it's nothing, and you deserve better than expending even the tiniest of your emotions and self on the wanker, but also do take action as you are important and precious and you deserve to be safe x

God, how revoltingly cowardly if the bastard has done this to scare you. What a weaselly foul tiny grub he is to stoop so low. I want to say alot of rude words about him now, but not sure if me getting really FUCKING ANGRY will help you (sorry can't help it a bit, excuse the loud voice x)

Can you think of a really foul name we can use to reference him which might give you a flicker of satisfaction? Sorry don't know if that kind of thing helps? I'm afraid I'm not very nice, and am of the opinion it's cathartic to wish on him anything that degrades, belittles and takes his power, satisfaction and anythjng else away.

I have come to realise that my ex also raped me throughout our 10yr sham of a marriage and it took me a long long time to recognise it as what it was, and longer still before I could say it, and just, comprehend it. Let alone do anything about it. And because of that, I never did anything to restore the balance of fairness in either law or just everyday life. I can't imagine how hard that whole process has been, and I wonder how many times you wanted to stop it all and get off, and what jumbled up feelings you must have right now... So I think you've been amazing, even if you feel the opposite.

I suspect there are an awful lot of women, like me, who are standing right besides you, standing brave and proud to be next to you, to try and support you if we can, because you managed to do what so many of us couldn't. Bloody amazing you are and I don't really have tears, honest, wuss I am. But bloody brilliant you are, and please don't forget it.

Ring 101. Look after yourself xx

Oh crikey, definitely let the Police know, that's really weird.
Hope you're sleeping now

martha hope you're asleep and the police were helpful.

Has your ex been remanded in custody pending sentence?

Does he have your current address from divorce proceedings or similar? If not, it begs the question of how the people who live in his house were able to find your mobile or landline phone number?

In any event, you should log this incident with the police on 101 and with the female officer who has been supporting you throughout the proceedings - if she's not on duty you can leave a message on the number you have for her.

Oh op I hope you're ok

Stay strong and safe

Sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner. This will have to be quick as I'm having a bit of a day with my teenage ds, he's very emotional and anxious today.
I just wanted to let you all know that I'm totally fine. I'll spoke to the police who were great. It's all logged now and they promised to send a patrol around my area every so often if they could. Also because I've explained the situation they'll be here straight away if I did need to dial 999.

Glad you're ok and the police are doing their job. Thanks for the update.
Look after yourself and your DS