I haven't updated for a while, actually I've avoided the thread as everything got so much worse and I couldn't face admitting it.
In a nutshell DH and I had an enormous falling out, huge. It turns out he's been finding my 'empties' all over the place - in my haze I forget where I stash them and then think, when I can't find them, that I've been very diligent and already got rid of them. I was furious with him, made him move out (for 2 days) and went on a total bender in the truest sense of the word. I drank a whole huge bottle of Tia Maria one morning. 2 litres of sherry the next day. Countless small bottles of M&S cherry brandy, not to mention washing it all down with the usual classy cava. I lost a week of my life completely, was appalling to poor DD who is very angry with me, don't blame her and I nearly lost DH.
But DH and I have not talked and I have told him EVERYTHING. We've only known each other for two years and it was all a great shock, just how much I've been drinking and hiding things. He has been wonderful, truly lovely and supportive and we are making a plan. I have to NEVER buy or drink spirits of any kind again. And the first stage will be to work towards not drinking during the day until 5pm at the earliest. Seeing as I often get through a bottle by 2pm this will be hard.
I have been so ill this last week - done terrible shameful things like falling asleep on a park bench. I hold down a very respectable job, this is appalling. I have been shaking and sweating and so sick.