Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my mum has poisoned my son

210 replies

mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 20:54

hi ladies I had a thread re this a long while ago but can't remember my log in so had to start again name wise

bit of background....my mum is obsessed with my son always has been and wants him to live with her I have 2 daughters too but she is not interested in them
a while back she was making false allegations about me to social services only regarding my son not my daughters..ludicrous things like I don't feed him only the girls and I emotionally abuse him ( not sure how )
we went nc with her for a few weeks and with social services advise I have gradually reintegrated her into the kids lives , she is very manipulative though and has made my son think that if an adult does something he doesnt like he can get them into trouble back by making an allegation about them...I am not the only person he has said false things about he's done it to teachers too and said they've hit him which is obviously false but his way of getting adults back now
the situation now is he went to stay at my mums sat night and she hasnt returned him, my son has a social worker now and he has been to see him in school after talking to my mum and she said hes not safe as a while back apparently I grabbed him round the throat!!! this NEVER happened but when he was asked he said yeah so she must have told him to say that :(
even after saying this happened he still said he wanted to come home tonight and I wanted him home but the social worker says due to my mums allegation ( the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical ) but that he said yeah it did they dont think he should come back...yet.
I dont know what this means?? I need him home every day spent with her is obviously another day of her poisoning his mind and I thought she had stopped and learnt her lesson after I went nc
its strange how she makes out he's in so much danger with me but my girls are fine?
I don't know what to do my mum won't even let me speak to him and obviously social services are starting to believe her crap or she's managed to get my son to lie now too
pls help me Sad

OP posts:
tribpot · 23/03/2015 21:00

I think the important thing now is to be seen to be complying with social services completely whilst they investigate the allegation. Given the history could you ask social services to move him to somewhere else if he's not allowed to come home until the situation is investigated? Is there anyone else who he could stay with?

How old is your ds?

Can you write a detailed account of the argument your ds is referring to, so you're not just relying on your memory when you need to talk it through? Could you prove your mum wasn't present?

honeyroar · 23/03/2015 21:01

I've nothing really useful to add, but it sounds as though your social workers have dealt with her before, so with a bit of luck it will work out. Try and stay calm and sensible and let her dig herself a hole?

Lweji · 23/03/2015 21:02

What do you mean by "the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical"

Did you have a verbal argument with your son?
Did you at any time mention grabbing him by the throat?
Were you verbally threatening to him?

And why on earth are you letting him stay with someone you don't trust at all?
Grandparents don't have any rights over grandchildren. You don't have to introduce them in their lives, even gradually. And having a relationship with grandparents doesn't mean spending nights there.

SugarOnTop · 23/03/2015 21:03

i remember that thread - you were advised by numerous posters to go totally no contact with your mum as she would only use everything she could to take your son off you.

Proudmummy2456 · 23/03/2015 21:03

If this woman is so horrible don't allow her to see your children.

HootyMcTooty · 23/03/2015 21:20

Were you the poster who works with your DM and she had keys to your house and refused to give them back to you?

If so, yes, lots of people told you to go completely NC, but it's a bit late for that now. I have no advice re the specifics of your situation, but I hope that your DS sets the record straight soon and, once you have him back in your care fgs cut your DM out of your DCs lives, she's clearly not a good influence.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 21:41

I wasnt verbally threatening either no he was shouting at me being rude etc etc so I told him to go to his room as I didnt want to argue! The only person that was shouting was him I hate shouting and it was upsetting my daughters hence y I told him to go to his room he was really annoyed and kicked me so I held him at arms length just with my hand against his stomach/chest so he couldnt kick me at no point did I ever touch him like that
I let her back into thier lives slowly on social services advice as the kids wanted to see her and I didnt want that to be used against me as evidence of abuse by her too

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 21:41

my son is 11

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 21:47

I only let her have contact with him again as they said I should but she has took her revenge now and shes a very convincing liar much cleverer than me Sad

OP posts:
Lweji · 23/03/2015 21:49

Again, letting her into their lives doesn't mean spending overnights at her.
They can easily have supervised access.

He sounds like an angry boy. Sad
Do you have help? Not just the social worker on account of her accusations, but to have a proper relationship with him or to see if there are any issues.

ThatIsNachoCheese · 23/03/2015 21:51

I second asking him to be placed elsewhere. Very calmly explain the situation and how you feel your son would be at risk of significant emotional harm if he were to stay with your mother. In fact put it in writing/email and copy the manager in so they are aware of it.
Stay calm and explain your case while complying with them.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 22:04

there is nowhere else for him to stay and they havent said he cant come home while they investigate as such just that we should have some respite but wont say how long....
I dont know what "investigate" they can do the accusation is lies just like the other accusations they are aware of that he has made against teachers and school staff
I have no other family so the only help he has is them and me I guess but my mum wont even let me talk to him even though social worker said that he should...
the issue is he has been made to think by her he doesnt have to do what adults say ( she never says no or tells him off so doesnt need to include her in that ) so I thought they were going to do some work with him about rules and boundaries but she was loosing her grip so shes thrown this into the mix now

OP posts:
FlossyMoo · 23/03/2015 22:10

This is an awful situation OP. I think mistakes have been made regarding how much contact you have allowed/being encouraged to let your mother have. Can I ask where you sons father is in all this and is he able to offer any help and support?

ThatIsNachoCheese · 23/03/2015 22:23

I would ask for an appointment with your social worker and manager and explain to them then. Say you are more than willing to work with them but you insist on your ds coming home due to the risk your mother places on him. Then stop contact.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 24/03/2015 22:09

I spoke to my son tonight he said he wants to come back tomorrow and sounded happy on the phone....then an hour later I had a missed call when I was in the bath I tried many times to call my mum back to speak to him and have only just got hold of her to ask what he wanted
she says hes asleep but doesnt want to talk to me or see me and nor does she why dont I just go away and leave them alone else she will disconnect phone
I dont know how to deal with someone this crazy as she doesnt come across crazy to anyone else apart from friends and family who have seen the real her. shes very conniving and manipulative and I have no idea what shes up to now
will go to sleep in tears tonight as I want to see my boy Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto3beautys · 24/03/2015 22:51

pls someone talk to me I feel tortured tonight n not sure how much more I can take of this cruelty Sad

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 24/03/2015 22:57

Okay it's very positive your son wants to come back home so keep clinging onto that fact

When you get him back I really would go completely no contact with her, she sounds horrendous.

If other members of the family and her friends are aware of what she's like, could they speak to SS?

Fingeronthebutton · 24/03/2015 22:59

Simple. Collect your son from school and NEVER SEE YOUR MOTHER AGAIN.

BlackeyedSusan · 24/03/2015 23:02

try putting the radio on to distract you as you go to sleep.

you need to sleep so you can think clearly what to do and look after your daughters.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 24/03/2015 23:02

I cant collect him from school social services have "advised" me not to till they sort out my mums ( very false ) allegations

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto3beautys · 24/03/2015 23:03

I havent slept or eaten for days I honestly do feel tortured I know that sounds dramatic...Going to go to the docs tomorrow and ask for some sleeping pills I cant face another night like this

OP posts:
AmysTiara · 24/03/2015 23:08

It doesn't sound dramatic, I'd be beside myself too. Go easy on yourself though, you need a clear head to deal with SS

Your son wants to come back to you, hopefully he'll tell SS that and he'll be back home.

TokenGinger · 24/03/2015 23:10

Check if there's an MST Team in your area or a Troubled Families Team. Your social worker should know this. They can help you with strategies to help manage your son's behaviour.

As for your mother, you need to accept that this will always happen if you don't cut her out of your life.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 24/03/2015 23:31

The social worker is so crap! he talks like a chav keeps calling me mate n texts me in slang like a teenager plus never returns calls or turns up hours late for appts
even when I go nc with my mum nothing stops her trying to ruin me I dont know why infact it makes her worse as shes trying to get revenge
last time I went nc she rang housing benefit and tax credits saying I had a partner living here which I don't! and was claiming fraudulently so got all my benefits stopped she said it wasn't her but the woman who came round to check there was no one else living here admitted it
I dont know how on earth I can stop her nothing I do works no one ( authority wise ) believes me what shes like as shes very well respected at work etc but no one knows the real her
with my last boyf she sent him msgs saying she had popped over n I had a bloke here! again totally false which eventually lead to the breakdown of our relationship as he got all paranoid and kept questioning me over everything as he couldnt believe that my mum would do all this purposely to hurt me
I know only too well she does tho and im at a loss now how to stop the torture Sad

sometimes I dream that shes died and I wake up gutted that its not true I know how awful that sounds but I feel like that is the only time she will ever stop

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 24/03/2015 23:37

When this current issue with your son is sorted out, go fully no contact - permanently - with her. Don't respond to any communication from her, don't go and see her, don't give her number to anyone you know. You can't stop her making false allegations and trying to harass you but you can minimise the effect by not engaging with her at all. You may even be able to deal with her under the laws about harassment.

If your current social worker is crap, I would find out who his manager is and ask to have a different one. If that is refused, then I would contact his manager each time he is unprofessional and explain what your concerns are.