my mum has poisoned my son

[mumto3beautys]

hi ladies I had a thread re this a long while ago but can't remember my log in so had to start again name wise

bit of background....my mum is obsessed with my son always has been and wants him to live with her I have 2 daughters too but she is not interested in them
a while back she was making false allegations about me to social services only regarding my son not my daughters..ludicrous things like I don't feed him only the girls and I emotionally abuse him ( not sure how )
we went nc with her for a few weeks and with social services advise I have gradually reintegrated her into the kids lives , she is very manipulative though and has made my son think that if an adult does something he doesnt like he can get them into trouble back by making an allegation about them...I am not the only person he has said false things about he's done it to teachers too and said they've hit him which is obviously false but his way of getting adults back now
the situation now is he went to stay at my mums sat night and she hasnt returned him, my son has a social worker now and he has been to see him in school after talking to my mum and she said hes not safe as a while back apparently I grabbed him round the throat!!! this NEVER happened but when he was asked he said yeah so she must have told him to say that :(
even after saying this happened he still said he wanted to come home tonight and I wanted him home but the social worker says due to my mums allegation ( the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical ) but that he said yeah it did they dont think he should come back...yet.
I dont know what this means?? I need him home every day spent with her is obviously another day of her poisoning his mind and I thought she had stopped and learnt her lesson after I went nc
its strange how she makes out he's in so much danger with me but my girls are fine?
I don't know what to do my mum won't even let me speak to him and obviously social services are starting to believe her crap or she's managed to get my son to lie now too
pls help me

Please go NC, move and don't tell her where you live, surely she can't report you for shit if she doesn't even have an address for you? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, it must be awful for you.

Are you sure the social worker is genuine? Not some friend of your mothers that she has put up to sending you texts / calls to get what she wants?

I was thinking the same this MmeMorrible. That does not sound like a professional Social Worker mum2. Can you ring the office where they are based (NOT the numbers this one has given you) to confirm they are a SW?

Is there any proof that rang housing and tax credits? If there is then this is evidence you can use.

Don't feel guilty about your feelings for her. She deserves nothing but your contempt.

I had to ring the social services office today as he wouldnt return my calls and yes hes genuine just v.crap and unprofessional plus thinks the sun shines outta my mums arse!
The only evidence I have is the woman who came round to check up on me from benefits felt sorry for me it had happened and let slip when I asked that yes it was my mum....obviously I dont have this ladys name or number tho
another night of no sleep tonight I think

My ex husband did all of the things you mention, to me and my kids, a punishment to me for leaving him... took years but the truth will out in the end stay strong and fight for your child, your mother is an abuser.

I'm not sure what she's punishing me for as shes always been like this....I wish I knew
maybe for just being born I guess

:( you should have cut her off a long time ago when she started doing all this.

Just be honest, CPS usually don't want to take children away from their parents.

mumto3, you need to stop focusing on your mother. You need to separate the two issues here.

One is the havoc she's wreaking with your son. This is something you need to deal with by making sure everyone involved knows that it is not ok for her to be taking care of him and that she is manipulative and dangerous.

The second is your past relationship with her and the whys and wherefores about how she has treated you and how she continues to treat you. You can sit and wonder about that, go to counseling, everything, but you need to stop letting that pull your focus away from the issue at hand.

Get your son back and go no contact like everyone has told you to before. You are at the very least going to lose your son to her if you don't pull your socks up and stop letting her have this control. And meanwhile your daughters are having to witness this chaos every time it happens. Do you not think this constant brother-centred drama feel second best to their brother not just with your mum, but with you as well?

*makes them feel

I have been honest to social services and to anyone that will listen really but no one believes me as she is very clever and never behaves like this openly to anyone else
she was on about on the phone earlier ( when she refused to let me speak to my son ) that she ought to get me sectioned saying the stuff I do about her as I'm obviously very paranoid
I'm not tho she is like this!!!! I know social services think the same though as why would a mother who seems so caring concerned etc be underneath it all trying to ruin her daughter? To everyone else I must be making it up or imagining it
any ideas on who I can go to to stop this torture...legally? etc or is there no one?
I want her kept as far away as possible from myself and the kids legally permenantly but I cant say this with her accusations as social services are going to start worrying about my mental state!

Can you move?

Can you record her, somehow get proof of what she is doing?

She is not capable of getting you sectioned.

Why are you talking to her when she won't pass on the phone? You know she just wants to wind you up and torture you so when you know she's not going to let you speak to your son, put the phone down. What are you actually expecting to get out of arguing with her/begging her/whatever? It's what she craves, why are you feeding it?

In fact why don't you tell your son when you next speak to him that you will never, ever, ever pass any messages on through his granny again, so if she says anything as a message from you then it is lies. That way if you haven't called, he will just call you if he wants to speak to you, and no believing mental granny's lies.

Didn't you both work for the police, incidentally? Have you actually involved HR/seniors yet? Anyone would wonder why you wouldn't have mentioned it to someone at your joint workplace after all this time. It's only giving her more chances to suggest that you're lying if you've never really told anyone the truth about the situation. I know it must be absolutely crazy living through it, but it is not normal to keep this level of abuse and manipulation to yourself when there's so much at stake.

moving is not practical atm
im thinking I may go to the police in the morning or do u think that may make matters worse social services wise? I want a restraining order or similar keeping her away from me and my kids but I'm not sure I have grounds...
a couple of weeks back my son walked home from school on his own ( ss had agreed was ok as long as he had his mobile ) he phoned me to say the house had been burgled n ran to the neighbours frightened I rushed home police and soco in tow and the upshot of it was "someone" had been in the house nothing was missing but was a kinda albeit crap attempt at a staged burglary
the officers questioned my son numerous times and were confident he had nothing to do with it so the only person that left was my mum
the officers thought given the background she had caught wind that my son was walking home alone n got in 1st to make it seem like he wasnt safe as nearly interrupted a burglary
we have evidence she left work early that day and would have no alibi but no proof she was here
how is one person meant to deal with all this craziness without sounding crazy themselves for thinking thier mum could be capable of such stuff????

You are not the only person to ever have had a batshit crazy mother, mumto3. I know it feels like no-one could possibly believe what you need to inform people about, but agencies like social services and the police will definitely be among the people that have seen most of these cases. You will not be assumed to be crazy just for laying it out for them. Try to stay calm, but I'm sure they'll understand that it's upsetting for you. Get some sleep so you're not completely wired and nonsensical whenever you might need to tell anyone.

yes we do both work for the police not officers and her much higher than me and v.well respected
my line managers know the situation and are "monitoring" it but unless she does anything crazy actually at work then I'm not sure what they can do
I sent an email to the head of professional standards mon asking for a meeting with him asap so I'm hoping I have a reply tomorrow
she's on leave so at least she won't be there
I have no proof tho....unless...
a couple of weeks ago she chased me across the car park on site shouting and screaming I wonder if that's on cctv or if they still have it...I will enquire tomorrow but where it was its doubtful...

I agree with others, demand that she should not be looking after your son at all.

And have someone else do this.

The main thing is separate your son from your mom...as long as he is under her care, she is going to continue to coach him to what to say and think. Then everything else will fall in the right place.

If she's screamed and shouted at you once she will do it again. Get ready to record her on your phone next time. Are you logging every single incident?

I hope not to be anywhere near her for her to scream at me again
I didnt report when she hit me no :(
the burglary thing will be on record n hopefully I can pull cctv of her chasing me screaming if needed
they shouldn't let pyschos like her work for the police!!!

This is awful. Sorry if it's been asked already, but I reread your description of the crap 'matey' social worker. Have you actually checked that he IS a social worker? And not some loon she's just hired?

See a solicitor.

What you are describing is parental alienation, and is a crime.