my mum has poisoned my son

[mumto3beautys]

hi ladies I had a thread re this a long while ago but can't remember my log in so had to start again name wise

bit of background....my mum is obsessed with my son always has been and wants him to live with her I have 2 daughters too but she is not interested in them
a while back she was making false allegations about me to social services only regarding my son not my daughters..ludicrous things like I don't feed him only the girls and I emotionally abuse him ( not sure how )
we went nc with her for a few weeks and with social services advise I have gradually reintegrated her into the kids lives , she is very manipulative though and has made my son think that if an adult does something he doesnt like he can get them into trouble back by making an allegation about them...I am not the only person he has said false things about he's done it to teachers too and said they've hit him which is obviously false but his way of getting adults back now
the situation now is he went to stay at my mums sat night and she hasnt returned him, my son has a social worker now and he has been to see him in school after talking to my mum and she said hes not safe as a while back apparently I grabbed him round the throat!!! this NEVER happened but when he was asked he said yeah so she must have told him to say that :(
even after saying this happened he still said he wanted to come home tonight and I wanted him home but the social worker says due to my mums allegation ( the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical ) but that he said yeah it did they dont think he should come back...yet.
I dont know what this means?? I need him home every day spent with her is obviously another day of her poisoning his mind and I thought she had stopped and learnt her lesson after I went nc
its strange how she makes out he's in so much danger with me but my girls are fine?
I don't know what to do my mum won't even let me speak to him and obviously social services are starting to believe her crap or she's managed to get my son to lie now too
pls help me

It's beyond me why the OP ever let him go. Hopefully she won't do that again!

What you obviously have had to deal with in your life is a mother who idolizes men to the point where she appears to think that they are a more important species and more deserving. I would say that it is perhaps unfortunate that your SW is male as she is going to be all out on the charms for him in a way that she otherwise would not. Pretty much like your son has been beguiled by her, it's possible that she has a knack for beguiling your SW too.
Why else would she have helped your ex with the divorce?! Why else treat you and your daughters differently and be hell bent on trying to win your son's favour, even to the detriment of your son's MH it seems. This is a strange and extreme urge she has to win any males appreciation. She is not a healthy influence, I hope you find a way to cut it out.
It would perhaps be frowned upon to insist on a female SW, so not sure how you can change the situation. Your son will be learning your mother's attitude while in contact, this could result in him also seeing females as subordinate to him - hence the violence towards you comes easier as he may not value you as he should. Is he ever violent to his father? Does he take more 'No s' from him?

my son is totally different with his dad....his dad believes me how he is with me but says he has never witnessed the behaviour 1st hand.
my mum is obsessed with men and always put her husbands/boyfriends before me when I was young so maybe thats part of the reason shes doing this...

he has never been violent to his father no and on one hand unfortunately recognises his dad doesn't give a damn as has new kids now ( he has said this recently ) but on the other hand still worships the ground his dad walks on most of the time....
interestingly none of the people he has ever been agressive to/made false allegations about have been male....there's me, his teacher, the after school club leader, his sister etc etc....all female and all have been on the recieving end of either his agresssion or false allegations made against us
his dad has always been very "poor me" although I think he had a good upbringing ( one I would have loved anyway ) but has always played the victim and blamed his nasty aggressive controlling behaviour on things that have happened in the past, exes, his mum, me , anyone apart from some realisation that we all have a choice how we act despite any circumstance
I dont want my son to follow in his footsteps....he already says hes agressive to me coz I did this or that....his dad used to use those excuses when he had me pinned to the wall by my throat ( I made him do it apparently ) although my son was far too young at this point to register this and never witnessed it 1st hand....

When you mention your ex's "nasty aggressive controlling behaviour", it doesn't quite tally up with his apparent reasonableness of believing you how he is with you, but not witnessing it himself.
I wouldn't be surprised if he was part of the problem, as well as your mother. His attitudes, his comments, his overall behaviour, particularly around your son.
I think you need a frank discussion with SS and a request of a deep evaluation of ALL that deal with your DS.

Smorgasboard. I was thinking exactly the same thing.

How is it going OP?

hi its going ok thanks my son's gone to his dad's now ( dad knows not to give him to crazy grandma ) and am hoping he has a great weekend and I can have a stress free one!