my mum has poisoned my son

[mumto3beautys]

hi ladies I had a thread re this a long while ago but can't remember my log in so had to start again name wise

bit of background....my mum is obsessed with my son always has been and wants him to live with her I have 2 daughters too but she is not interested in them
a while back she was making false allegations about me to social services only regarding my son not my daughters..ludicrous things like I don't feed him only the girls and I emotionally abuse him ( not sure how )
we went nc with her for a few weeks and with social services advise I have gradually reintegrated her into the kids lives , she is very manipulative though and has made my son think that if an adult does something he doesnt like he can get them into trouble back by making an allegation about them...I am not the only person he has said false things about he's done it to teachers too and said they've hit him which is obviously false but his way of getting adults back now
the situation now is he went to stay at my mums sat night and she hasnt returned him, my son has a social worker now and he has been to see him in school after talking to my mum and she said hes not safe as a while back apparently I grabbed him round the throat!!! this NEVER happened but when he was asked he said yeah so she must have told him to say that :(
even after saying this happened he still said he wanted to come home tonight and I wanted him home but the social worker says due to my mums allegation ( the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical ) but that he said yeah it did they dont think he should come back...yet.
I dont know what this means?? I need him home every day spent with her is obviously another day of her poisoning his mind and I thought she had stopped and learnt her lesson after I went nc
its strange how she makes out he's in so much danger with me but my girls are fine?
I don't know what to do my mum won't even let me speak to him and obviously social services are starting to believe her crap or she's managed to get my son to lie now too
pls help me

I actually feel like I may get a good nights sleep tonight knowing my son is in his bed where he should be

It's lovely to read back and hear you sounding positive and even more to hear you sounding decisive :)

It's wonderful that he is back with you. Give him a cuddle, tell him you love him and get that master plan together for eliminating the bloody fruitcake from your lives!

I am so sorry you have a mother like her - but at least you are showing your kids how to parent and stopping the cycle of toxicity x

so because I kept my son with me rather than sending him back to crazy woman last night I've had a shitty call from the social worker who says they want to escalate it to a case conference...
I have no idea what this means or the consequences considering the original accusation was false!!!!

Fine - a case conference for a person with parental responsibility keeping a child at his home rather than returning to someone without PR? That should go well.

Keep cool. The important thing is you have your son back.

the consequence is that SS will have to admit that they have no grounds to worry about your care of your son and that you are putting him as a priority and getting him the help he needs. In this instance a case conference is an empty threat and should benefit you.

just been reading your post............whoa your Mum sounds a fruit loop! how did your meeting at work go? are you any further with things? hope you get this resolved quickly have they said when this meeting is?

sorry for all the questions

meeting at work was useless! basically in work they can put rules in place for her not to approach me etc out of work report it as harrasment if I want
I have phoned ss office and made a complaint about social worker said he keeps throwing more things into the mix...He said he needed to talk to police today and maybe child something plan but then was going on about case conference
he doesn't explain what any of these things mean or why they feel appropriate and why plans keep changing on a min by min basis
he only ever returns calls when hes rushing somewhere n goes I can only talk for a sec as I'm late for this or that then throws a load of ss terms at me but when I try to question what they mean or why he says he's gotta go cos he's late n he will call me back but never does
I've asked for a parent support worker a few times ( I have a friend who went through this and she said they are brilliant and more for the family rather than the one child ss interested in so spotless spend time explaining options to me )
even hos office say this can only be set up through him so seeing as I've asked him loads already I can't see that ever happening

Did you see my post about an independent advocate up thread?
It will take a while to get in place but having an independent outsider involved can make SS etc make sure they follow the guidelines rather than you being on your own to deal with stuff eg case conferences, you know nothing about.

Yeah I did thanks I will look into that tonight I have no idea if the case conference is a def? or when? or why? or why he has to talk to the police before deciding? He won't answer any of these questions and I'm finding I have to send him lists of questions by text ( as this is the only way to get hold of him ) and then get a text bk saying call you later which he doesn't do

Try putting stuff into writing and asking for a written reply (recorded delivery and stamped addressed envelope included so you get a reply) - that might stop this nonsense about him not having time to speak to you.
Then you have evidence of what he is saying (or not as the case may be).

did you make an official complaint about him? start making a log of calls from you, replys from him, save texts etc! he seems incompetent. Shame nothing more can be done from work was there no CCTV?

I didnt go on the phone and say I want to make a complaint about him but I did say I was unhappy at the way he was not explaining anything and wanted a parent support worker but apparently only he can arrange this!

looks like theyve brushed it off! Have you tried contacting him again?

By text? ?? I really can't believe that is true. However if itbis then you need to do a Google search for an email address as there will be one for them. Have to say that considering you work for the police, you don't seem very clued up with SS.

so you're communicating with a sw by text? really?

Why the faces? Social workers often communicate with parents by text.

I have a mobile number for disability social worker who is completing my Childs assessment of needs so could text him if I needed too..think some sw do use them

Contact via text is not abnormal at all!

Op, if it is going to child protection then you will be invited to an initial case conference. This will be chaired by someone else (not your SW) and you will have a chance to get your point across.
This case conference will decide if your children need to be on a Child Protection Plan.

Thank you to all the posters confirming social workers sometimes do communicate by text obviously!
why because I work for the police would I have any knowledge of how ss operate?? I'm not an officer and do not work for child protection either so would have no more involvement with ss than someone that works in asda!

when you say children does this mean all 3? ss havent seem to have been bothered at all by the girls or put any measures in place for them which makes it all the more ridiculous as if I was this person my mum claims I am and the allegation was true wouldnt all my kids be at risk bit just 1! its all so ridiculous and feel they are now clutching at straws as they have no evidence to back up claims infact evidence to the contrary showing my son has made false allegations hes been hurt by other adults when hes not got his own way....

This: The conference must consider all the children in the household, even if concerns are only being expressed about one child.
Taken from: www.safeguardingchildren.co.uk/section-7-procedures.html

oh great so now I'm gonna be falsely accused of mistreating all 3 somehow! Im going to dig out initial social workers report as she stated it was actually me that was being attacked and worried about the effect his behaviour had on me and the girls at no point did she raise any concerns over my care of any of them inc my son

Not at all, but can you imagine if a child was being abused and childrens services ignored the other children? Being witness to abuse is harmful.
I am not suggesting that is what is happening with you at all. It is good for you to understand the process and why things are happening.
Absolutely take the previous social workers report. Take a copy for each person invited to the initial case conference.
How old are your girls op?

my girls are 7 and 2...