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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

my mum has poisoned my son

210 replies

mumto3beautys · 23/03/2015 20:54

hi ladies I had a thread re this a long while ago but can't remember my log in so had to start again name wise

bit of background....my mum is obsessed with my son always has been and wants him to live with her I have 2 daughters too but she is not interested in them
a while back she was making false allegations about me to social services only regarding my son not my daughters..ludicrous things like I don't feed him only the girls and I emotionally abuse him ( not sure how )
we went nc with her for a few weeks and with social services advise I have gradually reintegrated her into the kids lives , she is very manipulative though and has made my son think that if an adult does something he doesnt like he can get them into trouble back by making an allegation about them...I am not the only person he has said false things about he's done it to teachers too and said they've hit him which is obviously false but his way of getting adults back now
the situation now is he went to stay at my mums sat night and she hasnt returned him, my son has a social worker now and he has been to see him in school after talking to my mum and she said hes not safe as a while back apparently I grabbed him round the throat!!! this NEVER happened but when he was asked he said yeah so she must have told him to say that :(
even after saying this happened he still said he wanted to come home tonight and I wanted him home but the social worker says due to my mums allegation ( the argument she is talking about she wasnt even present at and was verbal NOT physical ) but that he said yeah it did they dont think he should come back...yet.
I dont know what this means?? I need him home every day spent with her is obviously another day of her poisoning his mind and I thought she had stopped and learnt her lesson after I went nc
its strange how she makes out he's in so much danger with me but my girls are fine?
I don't know what to do my mum won't even let me speak to him and obviously social services are starting to believe her crap or she's managed to get my son to lie now too
pls help me Sad

OP posts:
NorahDentressangle · 25/03/2015 07:32

Have you heard of the Advocacy Service. They support people when dealing with stressful public service situations and are completely independent. So you could have an advocate with you when speaking at meetings etc.
If there is the service in your area you could have support, then there is another sensible adult in the mix who can support you in putting over your views. This is not a legal advocate.

Here is an example of one such service
gettingheard.org/about-us/findadvocate/anyone-needing-short-term-advocacy/

malefridgeblindness · 25/03/2015 08:04

Citizens advice bureau will also help and advise you.

FlossyMoo · 25/03/2015 08:04

Where is your sons father in all this OP?

Sorry if you have already said and I have missed it.

popalot · 25/03/2015 08:23

Family solicitor needed. And keep on at social services because it sounds like she is abusing your son and you and they are currently facilitating that. You need to get him back to you. They have no legal reason to take him away from you unless they think he is at serious risk of harm. You need him back with you and then you need to cut your mother totally out of all your lives, despite what social services say. They can't tell you who should and shouldn't be in your children's lives. Again, they have no legal right to do that. Basically, unless your child is at serious risk of harm, they are not allowed to remove him from your care and what your mother is doing is I would say against the law because she is stopping a mother from having her child in her rightful custody. I wouldn't mince my words with social services, because they aren't acting legally I would say. But make sure you check that out with a family solicitor ASAP.

jonrotten · 25/03/2015 08:34

Jesus Christ. How can people act this way towards their own children Sad

I'm so sorry op, what an awful situation you are in.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 08:42

"she ought to get me sectioned "

please break away from this evil woman.
SHE cannot 'get you sectioned' by the way, this is done in extreme cases of mental illness, by a doctor.

FuckkityUp · 25/03/2015 09:07

I rememver you other thread - what a terrible situation

Oscarandelliesmum · 25/03/2015 09:12

What a dreadful situation Op. Even though SS have 'advised' against it could you pick D's up from school. He has not been removed from your care officially. You could stress that you are delighted to engage with ss but not your mother. She does not have parental rights. If your crap social worker us that worried he can find a foster place for D's ( awful but preferable in the short term?)

Oscarandelliesmum · 25/03/2015 09:14

Sorry for crappy typing and spelling.

Higheredserf · 25/03/2015 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 09:27

" you do actually need to move "
yes you really do

Higheredserf · 25/03/2015 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatsCantTwerk · 25/03/2015 10:28

I remember your other thread Op, I can not believe this is still going on. I really think you need some legal advice, Could you make an appointment with a solicitor who offers an hours free consultation and take it from there?

sakura · 25/03/2015 10:46

It sounds horrendous. Your mother sounds evil. I really hope you get your son back before she does any more damage.

HootyMcTooty · 25/03/2015 10:57

Can you record all phone calls with her? Did you change the locks to your house so that she no longer has access?

I don't think you'll ever understand why she is like this. You sound like a decent person, she is clearly not. You'll never understand what motivates her, so I agree with other posters, put that to one side for now and focus on fixing the mess she has created.

Once, and only once you have cut her out of your life for good, get some counselling so that you can at least come to terms with her behaviour.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 25/03/2015 11:38

hi ladies and thanks for all the useful replies....
parental alienation...I will google and read more about this as ive never heard the term before but its comforting to know that its a recognised thing and not me just moaning....
I'm at work atm ( shes not ) and I have an appt for 1st thing in the morning with the head of proffesional standards as a 1st point of call if anything can be done legally/ if she is committing a crime and also her behaviour has started to spill into work ( chasing me across car park etc ) so hopefully he wont laugh me out of his office
I will sit this afternoon and make a list of what I want to say so I dont go in there and just ramble....
this man I'm going to see is a really nice guy BUT her mate I cant avoid that all of the higher ups of the organisation are her mates Sad I hope he takes me seriously as surely he proffesionally has to take the mates situation out of it

she would be fired if she tried to run any search on me/my address etc and our computers every keystroke is logged so this would flag up also the "break in" incident I have had the serial restricted so only the officer can access it so shes not tempted to see what the outcome was
the plan with ss as far as I know is my son is home for tea tonight between 6 and 9 then his dads the weekend then back properly mon night....I hope this doesnt change
my sons dad knows what a pyscho my mum is but will prob not give evidence against her as he uses her for money she even paid all his court costs when I divorced him and bankrolls him to this day 5 years later so he needs to keep her onside a bit ....

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 25/03/2015 11:53

Never mind 'supposed to be coming home tonight' -go and get him at the end of school. Ring social services to clarify as people have advised, but tell them you will willingly cooperate with an investigation but your son needs to be home in the meantime and not with your mother who sadly does not want the best for any of you.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 11:56

yes go and get him from school, and phone SS when you get in.
Tell them your son is being emotionally abused by her.

tribpot · 25/03/2015 12:51

I agree. Get him, then advise SS you have brought forward the plan to return him home on Monday. You do not give permission for him to stay elsewhere.

I think you need to give very serious consideration to him not going to his dad's this weekend, as it seems likely his dad will just hand him over to this lunatic woman again.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 25/03/2015 13:47

Apparently I can't go against social services advise that I don't pick him up yet else they could decide to escalate it ( social worker told me this ) based on no evidence at all though....

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 13:48

which SW told you that?
Can you go above him or her?

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 25/03/2015 14:08

my social worker the matey one he says his manager wanted to escalate it anyway and he's trying to stop her if I follow his advice
I hate the underhand threats I've done nothing wrong

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 14:09

if I were you mumto3, I would ask for a meeting with this manager. IF she exists.

SunnyBaudelaire · 25/03/2015 14:10

I mean did he tell you her name?

Fingeronthebutton · 25/03/2015 14:13

This is war now. The SW is your enemy. Take the fight to them. Is there anywhere you could go after school with the children, this would be perfectly Normal in a normal situation. There is no order made in court to say that YOUR child stays with your Mother. Use the law. You wouldn't be doing anything wrong.
Let's suppose that this woman( that's what I will call her) calls the SS when YOUR son doesn't go back to her house. Is she or the SS going to call the police? No. The police would want to know under what order (that would be a court order) are they bound to look for your son. No criminal offence has been committed.