Sorry ghost been away for this thread a bit, sorry you felt ignored. shedid tesse and ghost it's very common for families of abusers - mothers etc. - not t want to rock the boat, ghost I remember feeling different to siblings and other family too, and that must be sooo difficult your mother is still in a relationship with your abuser - imagine how much denial she has to invest in to be able to do that! You are under no obligation though to maintain a relationship with the abuser however, even if you understandably want something with your mum.
My abusers were mum's relatives, dad not sexually abusive but physically and emotionally and verbally so - have a good relationship with my mum but she has had to do a lot of compartmentalising (as I have had to also) I'd say to make her peace with all that over the years!
One positive thing this weekend though, was home and my dad burst in to where I was having breakfast and blew up at me over something arbitrary - was very physically a threatening and caught me totally off-guard. Mum came up and straight away started defending me, I was shocked and upset but also named his bullying for what it was, didn't get into an argument over what he was upset about but told him the issue was his aggressive manner, that the reason he blows up is he can't handle his own feelings, takes them out on us, feels better after but leaves us feeling like crap. He said he wasn't a bully but had himself been bullied as a child. We kissed and made up later, but I made it clear to him that, on occasion, his behaviour is threatening and bullying, he may not mean/realise this, but it is so, and he has to learn to handle and control his own feelings and communication.
Mum was saying after she was delighted I stood up to him/ had the chat, he does it to her and everyone else also but they usually either ignore or retaliate, I'm the only one who engages him on it.
Felt good after, first real conversation we've ever had recently (dad), finally stood p in a constructive manner and hey, it's only taken me 40 years:) The point is, I went through years of feeling the outsider/ different/ not good enough/ inconvenient - you can busy that or else engage with it, it is difficult and uncomfortable, but all that soul-searching and emotional honesty with yourself can eventually have a good effect, and on others also maybe. Try to keep going with counselling/ talking/ whatever helps, and hey the fact we are facing/dealing with these difficult issues, rather than burying them as many do, is a big deal in itself and takes great strength hugs